Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[PamelaParker]

You have shown an great strength throughout your journey. You have lost your mother but still you show strength and overcome the barrier. Somehow Demonstrate True Strength not only as a strong individual, but also as a great human. You have the guts to face the problems and speak the truth. You did not try to hide anything. That takes strength, for sure. Living honestly takes it to a whole new level of fascinating beauty. You shared credit and be public in your gratitude. We need to learn from you.

[Carnation]

Aw, PamelaParker, what a beautiful message that touched my heart. Words are powerful and you have just proved that. Thank you. x

[Carnation]

I had a terrible night's sleep last night. It wasn't Wilko (anxiety), it was Petulia Norma Davenport (post nasal drip). Cough, cough, cough, nose running like a tap and woken up about 5 times.
The bad night's sleep has definitely affected Wilko. I feel like I'm functioning on full speed but my body is reluctant to take part. I'm not trying to be humorous, it's actually like that. So I'm getting the Chamomile tea going and hopefully I'll be a little calmer later.

[DustingMyselfOff]

I had a terrible night's sleep last night. It wasn't Wilko (anxiety), it was Petulia Norma Davenport (post nasal drip). Cough, cough, cough, nose running like a tap and woken up about 5 times.
The bad night's sleep has definitely affected Wilko. I feel like I'm functioning on full speed but my body is reluctant to take part. I'm not trying to be humorous, it's actually like that. So I'm getting the Chamomile tea going and hopefully I'll be a little calmer later.

Love the names! I'm trying to think of one that I can call my anxiety but can't make it too outlandish, because I'm thinking I want to use it in public but not raise suspicion. Like if me and my husband are out somewhere and I want to let him know that I'm having anxiety, it would be nice to be able to say "I just got a text from _________" and that would let him know that I need an excuse to get out of there, or that I'm going to disappear to the ladies room for a few minutes, or just simply to let him know that I'm struggling at the moment so give me my space. So it needs to be a fairly common name, but one that means anything to either of us so that he will instantly know I'm talking about anxiety and not a real person.

I woke up "off" today. While still half asleep in bed I noticed I was feeling anxious, defeated, not motivated, and dreading getting up and going to the shelter today. That's a first. Then I started to panic thinking "oh no, this job that was doing such wonderful things for me has now gone sour - I hope this isn't permanent and that I'm soon going to start stressing over and hating my job!" I feel like I got decent sleep, but I'm still very tired and want to just crawl under a blanket and not talk to anyone. Actually, I can't think of ANYTHING I'd like to do, and that always scares me. I don't want to do stuff, but I don't want to do nothing, and I don't want to get up and be busy, but I don't want to just sit here, either. Those are the kinds of mood that scare me.... seems nothing would make me happy when I'm like this.

I'm trying to tell myself it's an after-effect of yesterday. I had to wake up insanely early so as to have my husband at the hospital by 6:45 in the morning for his surgery. Then I spent 5 hours there, and when I got home I was tired but didn't want to nap for fear it would ruin the upcoming night's sleep. So my exhausted adrenaline had me bustling around the house working on my fish tank, cooking dinner, cleaning, etc. Then I went to bed at a decent hour but was still wired. Go figure. Anyway, I'm telling myself this "slump" is temporary and just an after effect of yesterday. But since I'm about to work 5 days straight (this is my one-weekend-per-month duty at the shelter) I'm worrying that this is NOT a good time to be feeling this way. Not like I can really control it, though, right? We feel what we feel.

So, I'm going to get up in a minute, get something to eat, and get ready to go to work. And what I'm telling myself right now, and which is KIND OF working, is that I need to "accept" whatever I'm feeling. Every day can't be perfect. Every day can't be predicted or planned. Everyone has good days and bad days - they don't need to be analyzed to death, they just need to be accepted and dealt with as best as possible. So what if I don't feel like going to work. Do it anyway and see what happens - probably 90% of the world's population doesn't feel like going to work but they don't get anxiety because of it. So what if I'm simply not feeling energized and cheery and positive today? Maybe I will tomorrow. ACCEPTANCE. This is me. This is how I'm made. It's not ever going to change but I can change how much I let it consume me. So rather than watch myself and pay attention to every thought or feeling (physical or mental) that I have today, I'm going to try to say "so what, this too shall pass".

Sorry you're having an off day, too, Mrs. C, but there is some comfort in having company with this, right?
Sue

[Carnation]

Sue,

Just reading your post is such a reminder how anxiety can return and turn our life in to a battle.
In my opinion I am inclined to think it is tiredness and not enough relaxation. And when you become overtired it can play havoc with our sleep.

Do i need to remind you that the rule of thumb is to wind down before going to sleep and not do your housework or gallop around the house at midnight.

I don't think it is the job but in the same breath five days straight is a little more than a cushy part time number.
Keep an eye on this situation and cut down the hours if it becomes a thorn in your side.
You have the ball in your court, they won't want to lose you and maybe one weekend a month is more suitable to your well-being. Thinking also when you do go to visit your daughter or any other events that crop up, you will need that extra time for you!

The hospital day will have taken it out of you. Its weird, but sometimes being more active can be less exhausting. Sitting and waiting can be draining. It feels more like pressure and life has many pressures.

Also remember anxiety is there to remind us of familiar behaviour that leads to strain on our wellness. It's there to protect, not to hurt us. x

My day improved once I went out and think I was anxious because I wanted to get out!

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Mrs. C.
I have only committed to one weekend per month. My regular days are Monday, Thursday and Friday, so that one time a month when I work the weekend it ends up being "Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. It should be fine, I used to do that for 12 hours a day for decades, so this is still a LOT less than I used to work.

Yes, you do need to remind me to relax before trying to sleep, but when I'm amped up on adrenaline or excitement (from a new project) I can't sit still and relax. Working on the project IS relaxing, kinda?

Yes, anxiety is my friend. Most of the time. A good reminder. I'll try to remember that. It's part of who I am, and it's always going to be there, so I just need to work on our relationship rather than wishing it would go away and leave me alone.

So glad your day improved..... all the bad times really do pass!
Sue

[Carnation]

Hi Sue
Pleased you just doing those weekends monthly, sounds like you have that in control.
It's probably a glitch you are going through Sue.
An amalgamation of hubby's hospital visits, change of meds, that horrific journey you had to your daughter and work being a bit hectic.
Glitches are not normally down to one thing and can stack up until they topple over. That's why it is a wise to have a calming period after each upset / stress / incident.
But do we do that? No. We go charging in to the next thing on the agenda.
Take your last trip to your daughters, straight back in to work not allowing that Ahhh time to recover. So what we do is carry the tiredness and stress into the next thing on the agenda, thus confusing why we are so twitchy after the event. I'm not hearing of any relaxation from you or those drives to a place where you can have a gentle walk with hubby. Is he able to do that at present or are you assisting him on his recovery following his hospital appointment? To me, there are three things swilling around here. Hubby, meds and work. And between those, you need to meditate, relax and do something enjoyable, but not in the middle of the night. x

[Quinn1]

Being out in the great outdoors does wonders,we might not like it at times but once outside it’s beautiful.
I like what you said Carnation about being anxious because you needed to get out
If it wasn’t for this heat I would be outside all day,my poor flower beds and veggie garden are doing it tough.
Do hope you continue to feel good xxx

[DustingMyselfOff]

Ahhhhhh, our sweet Mrs. Carnation...... SO wise and so full of excellent thoughts and advice. Everything you said makes such perfect sense when you lay it out for me, and it seems so simple, but apparently it's not so simple to see when you're the person experiencing it. Yes, I'm sure you're right about it being a cumulative thing that eventually causes a topple and a glitch. And you're also very correct that people like us probably will never be good at stopping to smell the roses after each stressful event and allow ourselves to recover - we just keep running right into the next thing. I'm going to add that to my arsenal of coping tools: reminding myself that we all have "glitches" and we don't have to analyze and pinpoint the exact cause.

I am "relaxing" a bit in between, but relaxing at this time of year is different than in spring or summer. It's too dark out (and cold) to be walking my dog like I was doing so often and we both miss it. And a drive to the beach wouldn't be very enjoyable in this weather, either. Although, MAYBE since it's cold out we could take both dogs for a ride to the shore and let them run free on the beach. That's not normally allowed, but off season, perhaps we could, and watching them frolic would be VERY enjoyable! Not this weekend, of course, but maybe the following one.

Work is very frustrating, it's not the low-stress job I had hoped it would be, but I'm doing really well at stopping myself from becoming too caught up in it and instead reminding myself "just do the best you can - you can't change or save the world in one day." And the new one I need to practice is: "It's not the end of the world if you don't finish all the tasks by the end of your shift - you're only human and as long as nothing is going to die overnight, someone else can take care of it in the morning." That one is going to be harder for me because I feel such satisfaction in leaving my day knowing I've accomplished a lot and made a difference, and leaving with the feeling that I "failed" somehow puts me in a very bad mood. So another mantra I need to adopt: "You don't need to excel every day!"

Thanks for being so wise and for sharing your wisdom, Mrs. C. I only wish the answers to your "glitches" came to you as easily.
Sue

[Carnation]

The answer to my glitches are exactly the same as what I advise for you, but I have the habit of thinking, "Oh, I'll rest later". That habit has been broken in the last few months and I feel more alive, more at peace and I actually look better. Even the dark circles under my eyes only appear if I stay up late.
If I have a bad night's sleep, I have a lazy morning.
Everything still gets done, but I'm more ready to face it.

I feel I'm coming out of my bad episode, but I have to watch I still apply those Mindfulness and CBT skills.
I still do my affirmations everyday and as I hate to waste time, I listen to them while I get ready in the morning.

I've just been out this afternoon to a town about ten miles away. Last time I was there I was very shaky and could just about manage two shops.
I did five today and sat at a café and had a cup of tea.
Wilko was with me and tried to weigh my legs down, but I've carried a much heavier weight than that and I won with what I wanted to do.
The drive back was in the dark, but it didn't phase me so much. Only trouble was Mr C left a bag in a shop and we have to go back and get it.

Quinn, we need the fresh air, the oxygen, even if it's for a short while, its not good to stay in all the time. It actually feeds agoraphobia and if you take it a bit at a time it soon becomes second nature.
This is from someone who was too frightened to go outside and put something in a bin and that was weeks ago. It's a strong feeling of fear, not a danger, a misinterpretation.