Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yes, these spouses can be challenging: can't live with them, can't live without them. Sometimes I fantasize about the days when I was living alone in my apartment and how much I enjoyed it, but that was a long time ago and not sure how well I would fare doing that at this age. Trying to have a decent conversation with mine is so frustrating to me, I do so much better with him in texts and emails because he is a slow, long, drawn out, easily distractable, detailed talker. Drives me crazy because I have no patience.

But, when I want to meditate I either tell him I'm going into the other room to meditate, or if I'm doing it right out on the couch and he happens to come by and ask me something, I simply hold up my arm and say "meditating" and he immediately goes away until I tell him I'm finished. Can you ask your husband not to talk to you when you're meditating?

Congrats on driving the car in the dark - another milestone for you! Can you order the tea online? Amazon Prime would have had it there by now. I'm so spoiled by Amazon. Here at my daughter's house they even have "Amazon Prime Now" which allows you to order and have it delivered to your house within 2 hours! Gotta love it.

Be well everyone.... life is a challenge, but it's worth it!
Sue

[Carnation]

Becoming addicted to Amazon. I never realised they get practically anything. Eventually got the tea in a village store, but as backup ordered online too.
I have never been a fan of shopping online, but it seems the way to go these days and for people with anxiety, it's a Godsend.

Sue, your idea of holding your arm up and saying "meditating" is a good idea, but Mr C has this habit of talking to me from another room to which I let out a big sigh as I've told him numerous times that when I go to the bedroom that's my relaxation time. It's like talking to a brick wall and every time I get a "sorry" from him, I sigh another sigh.

Here's a funny thing that happened today...
We went in to the big town today, (no, I didn't drive). And on the way back we stopped by a farm shop and as I went to get out of the car, I could sense the car moving backwards. "Here we go again, I'm having another anxiety symptom" I thought to myself and turned to Mr C and said, "I'm getting that moving feeling again that I used to get". Looked down and saw the handbrake wasn't on and realised we were moving for real. Mr C had forgotten to put the handbrake on and as I grabbed it, sighed a big relief while Mr C was still trying to work out what had happened. One thing for sure, my reflexes are spot on.

I drove again once on home turf, just reassure myself that last night's driving had not put me off and pleased to say it hadn't. At the moment it seems to take all my energy to do so, but I'm hoping that Liberace's quotation of 'practice, practice, practice' will be the key to success.

[Carnation]

I didn't have such a good day yesterday. I was lightheaded most of the day, feeling anxious and even a little depressed. I think my health anxiety kicked in. The night before last I was just sitting watching tv and I felt a cramping in my chest and shooting pains in my left arm which turned out to be indigestion. I was sitting on the sofa suffering in silence, not even mentioning it to Mr C, but when something like that happens it ramps up the anxiety and then it takes time to come down from it.
I felt better by the evening, but I have to test myself by doing something physically challenging to prove my heart is ok. A good hour's gardening soon put that right.
It's like I have to let my brain know, all is well.

Does anyone ever worry about being too happy?
I've always had this worry that when life is going too well that something dreadful is going to happen.
I've had quite a few life knocks and I've had to work hard on my survival, so I'm just not used to feeling settled and content. It's like my life has been one long test and that gets tiring as you get older.
I said to Mr C that I'm so worried any happiness will be taken away from me, I shouldn't think that way, just enjoy, but I will have this looking in to the future all the time.
And its pointless trying to forsee the future because a lot of my life so far I could never have predicted, but I still try to do it. I need to just enjoy the now.
The past I'm learning to deal with, the present I'm learning to cope with, but the future is the one that haunts me.
So much time can be wasted with anxiety. Days, weeks, months, even years. While we nurse ourselves and shroud ourselves in our safety, we are not actually living the life we intended to have.
I've learnt by going out and doing things that there is no more risk of anything happening than staying indoors.
Yes, there is a social anxiety, but you are your master and you can pick and choose what you want to do.
How can a gentle walk harm you? Or sitting in the fresh air? Or visiting an animal farm or looking at the stars at night? If you can do just one of these things, it's going to make you feel much better than staring at a wall all day.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yes, I spent most of my life panicking when I had those rare occasions where life was wonderful. It's a hard concept to enjoy when it's such an unfamiliar one, and you almost LOOK for something that's negative so you can relax. Sounds stupid, but I totally get it. And the fact that your anxiety ramps up when you're happy can be the negative you're looking for, so relax, your life is not perfect.

I hope you are in the fresh air, visiting an animal farm, and looking at the stars at night. As Lee Ann Womack said in her song, "I hope you dance."
Sue

[Carnation]

That's a beautiful song and sentiment Sue

[Carnation]

I'd never heard of Lee Ann Womack, so checked her out on YouTube. She first struck me as Dolly Parton meets Shania Twain, but it soon became apparent that she was in a field of her own. Absolutely loved that track you mentioned, even brought on a tear or two and thought it would make a great first wedding dance.
Good music is rare to find these days with the same old dribble hogging the charts.
While we on the subject of music, I absolutely believe music can be your saviour in life's hurdles.
I'm one of these people that have had music throughout my life and have been very grateful for its comforts.
I was sent to piano lessons at an early age, although at the time I could think of much better ways to spend my childhood, but I'm grateful now I have grown older and especially having an instrument I can turn to for relaxation.
I can not recommend playing an instrument enough for anxiety and stress. Not only is it an emotional release, it beats sitting in front of a TV any day. And it's never too late to learn.
I must love music a lot because my partner is a musician and that's what first attracted me to him.
But even if you don't play or have the opportunity to be involved, just listening to music can be a great healer.
Whether it is relaxing, a comfort, cheering you up or getting you in a dancing mood, it's all good.
It sometimes takes a piece of music to make you cry and that is good too because it has a calming affect.
I used music constantly when I first had my breakdown, even to help me go to sleep when I was so scared to do so. And sometimes when you can't express how you feel, the music is there to do it for you.
Did you know that it helps to relieve panic if you are singing a song. And it helps you to breathe more normal too.

Yesterday wasn't a brilliant day for me, but I still managed to cope. There were some stresses in the household and we cancelled our day out because of it.
The town is also heaving with what seems like a million people and you can hardly walk on the pavement.
The good thing about the weather hotting up is they leave the town and head for the beach.

When I talk about lightheaded days, it's not quite a true account of the feeling. It's not been dizzy or stumbling, it's more of a smokescreen eyesight with tunnel vision with the inability to turn your head for fear of fainting. I can see everything, but it's like a detachment and it's like walking on a fluffy cloud until you get to what feels safe and that's either sitting down or home.
Sometimes it can only last five seconds and can disappear as quickly as it comes, but it's the sharpness of its arrival that catches us unawares and when it does you automatically panic. "what's happening?" "why do I feel like this?" The aim is to let it pass without reacting to it, but because it feels so scary, you panic. The only thoughts you have is, "I'm going to faint" "people can see what I feel " I don't want a scene in front of all these people".
You can look at it logically and think over how many times something bad has come from it and there are none, but you will still think, "but this time it might actually happen!"
I've encountered those feelings numerous times in a day and still managed to carry on and felt better each time I do.
What triggers these moments of fear?
Triggers, overthinking and our subconscious mind.
I'm still doing my affirmations and visualisations and they are helping, otherwise I doubt I would be driving the car again, but it's not enough, I need more and the more I sit and think about it, the more it doesn't help.
I've had some mean waves of depression come over me lately and I get angry that I can't beat the beast and worry sets in about coping as I grow older.
But that's one of the things that I need to stop doing. Worrying about the future. It feeds the anxiety.
But because I've always been a prep sort of person and not a one to do something on the spot, it's hard to change that in to spontaneous and living in the moment.
Even running a house you normally have to decide what's for dinner that morning or night before. Shopping for food is another one as you buy for the week. Checking the weather so you can hang washing on the line or go out. Pre-recording programmes to watch in the future, setting aside a housework day. It's all stuff in the future!
Appointments are in the future, a social event, buying Christmas presents in October and November is not living in the now. Haircuts and Dentists and Doctors appointments are in the future . So much stuff.
And in a way we are not totally to blame for a lot of this as the society we live in has changed.
There were no big supermarkets, we bought as we needed it from our local butcher, baker, greengrocer. You could see a doctor or a dentist on that day if you needed one. And people generally went shopping on Christmas Eve for their presents. Media and society has changed and it wasn't decades ago you had this difference.
But that's living in the past and that's not good either.
When do we get a day when we can just be and do what we fancy doing? Very rarely, but you are more likely to on holiday. Is that why the public let out all their inhibitions on holiday? Why you feel so good?
Somehow, that holiday feeling needs to be brought in to our normal daily life.
Whether it's eating outside one evening on the spur of the moment or a barbecue. Or sitting watching the stars on a clear night. Having a slap up breakfast instead of the normal toast or cereal. Putting your best togs on even if you are not going out. Switching the tv off and listening to music instead. Going for a spontaneous walk. Playing a game. Having a siesta.
I truly believe our mundane routines and obsessive planning is not helping anxiety.
Whether we can make the changes is the question?

[DustingMyselfOff]

I agree, music is magical, and studies have been done to examine exactly how it affects the brain - pretty powerful stuff! I have always been a fan of the lyrics of songs and I "use them" to bring on a good cry if I need one, or to energize me if I'm feeling unmotivated, or simply to make me smile and sing along with an old favorite. I sometimes drive in my car aimlessly because that's my favorite place to listen to music. No distractions, I can sing along as loudly (and badly) as I want, and it's just me and the music. My husband plays the french horn so he is REALLY into music, but he's more aware of the good and bad notes, instruments, voices, etc. Me? I could care less about the quality, it's about how it makes me FEEL.

I'm still at my daughter's house but have been counting the hours lately when I can be back home. I love my daughter and grandkids, of course, but I'm ready to go home. The 10 month old is a very difficult baby and I just don't have the energy to appease him constantly. And between the time zone difference, the change in my daily routine and not being in my own home, 8 days is maybe a few days too long. The other night I got hit with such a debilitating fatigue that I wanted to cancel our plans to go out to dinner but I persevered and made it through. The next day, all I wanted to do was put my head down. I excused myself mid-day and said I felt I needed a nap, which I NEVER do. I'm not a nap person - they make me feel worse, but I had no choice, my head was heavy and I wanted to be horizontal. And I fell asleep in the middle of the day! When I woke up I did feel worse, and had a sore throat and clogged ears, and was SO tired. I had urged my daughter to go out that night for a few hours and that I would stay with the kids, but when she offered to have her nanny come over in the evening to help me, I didn't argue, which I normally would do.

What I realized during this trip is that I should start making these trips a "visit with my family" rather than a "helping my daughter with the house and the kids and the dogs". There's a reason we don't have kids in our 60's, and I should honor that. I should start relaxing more while here and not insisting that I can do it all. Because I can't, and don't want to.

I need to clear up this cold / virus before I get on the plane tomorrow evening so I'm going to take some meds and try to get some rest. Wish me luck!
Sue

[Carnation]

I wish you all the luck in the world Sue
I'm talking to a woman that not so long ago was anxious about even making this trip to her daughters. Look at you now.
And you did right to rest. I'm learning to listen to my bodies needs and I think you are too.
Wow, the horn, that's one mighty instrument and I'm assuming he was once part of an orchestra?
Keep up the good thinking and maybe do some affirmations the before you go to sleep. x

[Carnation]

The last two days have been challenging. Not because of what I've been doing but a general challenge with anxiety itself. And as usual, I want to know why?
I've taken in to account, the heatwave, the crowds of school holidays and the bank holiday and the fact that I can't seem to sleep for more than 6 hours. Although I don't feel tired, my brain does. Physically I'm not tired and always feel better when doing some vigorous gardening.
Yesterday I managed to get to the beach before the weekend rush and although Mr C is not keen on walking on the sand, I had no hesitation taking my shoes off to walk out to the sea on my own and wade into the water.
Although the sand is soft and your feet sink into the sand once the water reaches you, it's incredibly grounding and rejuvenating. Mr C is not a fan of being on the beach and prefers to admire the sea from a café, I've been longing for a day on the beach for a long time.
He prefers the shops, I prefer the beach.
Still I had my moment and drove the car home afterwards.
The driving is going very well and feel comfortable with the new car, but most of the rest of the time I am battling anxiety and can't tell you how many times I think I am going to fall or faint because it's such a lot.
Mr C tries to reassure me by telling me that it's never got to that, but you can't help how you feel m
I manage to get through the day, but I'd like to get through the day without the impending doom feeing.
It gets me down from time to time even though I see myself as a fighter and survivor, you can only take so much in a day.
After a week of my affirmations I do feel much calmer, but the fears are still there. So is my worrying.
I need to find a way to box up the worrying, lesson the fears and relax the brain.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Ahhhh yes, the dreaded old "Why!?!?!" I think if we could stop questioning the "why am I feeling anxious?" we would be more than halfway to curing our anxiety. But, as you and I know, easier said than done. As much as I've gotten better about shrugging it off and saying "Who knows, and who cares!" I still feel so much better when I can convince myself of a valid reason why I'm feeling poorly.

Keep doing the affirmations, and I'll keep meditating and seeing my hypnotherapist once in a while because even though I'm getting on a long, red-eye flight in 6 hours, there is not an ounce of me that has felt anxious or nervous about it. Instead, I am just eager to get on the plane, hopefully fall asleep, and then after a 2-hour drive home from the airport, collapse on my own couch with my own dogs and not move much for 2 days!

I'm flying home on an airline I've never used before, somewhat a "budget" one, but the unfamiliarity of the terminal and the experience are not bothering me in the least. Hurray to my hypnotherapist!

Be well, my friend, and dig those toes in the sand whenever you feel the urge!
Sue