Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Oh wise one, I think you are correct. I read once that excitement, even happy, good excitement, can have the same affect on us as panic and dread. Yes, an adrenaline or cortisol or overload type of thing. I had accomplished the ride to my son's house, we had gotten to the casino safely, we were done eating a meal, and were sitting calmly at a BlackJack table. My body and hormones said "Ah ha - now is the time to hit her with the excess adrenaline and see what she does with it!" It absolutely did cause me some dread and panic, but only for a few seconds until I was able to realize that it was more of a physical sensation than it was a panic attack in the making. After that, I had quite a nice time, and didn't feel any anxiety again until I was driving home, on the highway, in very poor visibility.

OK, making a mental note: even happy adrenaline can feel like an impending panic attack, but doesn't have to end in one.
Sue

[Carnation]

My thoughts yesterday were driving me mad.
"Have I been doing too much recent?" "Will it lead to another relapse?" "How is my anxiety going to be when I move in to the new place?" "Will I fall down dead when I walk through the door?" I know, a bit drastic, but that's seriously how my thoughts are most of the day. The constant chatter that never seems to stop.
I feel like I have the world to conquer and I'm just basically trying to accomplish life's normalities.
80% of my thoughts are kept to myself, hey, I'd be driving everyone up the wall if I said what I thought.
Not only that, I don't want the local shopkeepers thinking, "Oh no, here comes that weird woman again".
And along the way I seem to have taken on new fears.
I'm even frightened of the weather now. Too hot (sunstroke/dehydration), too many clouds (potential thunderstorm), too windy (tree might fall on me), foggy/misty (bad for my breathing).
With UK weather all over the place it's rare to find a day which I find calming.
It's like I have to have something to be frightened of to keep the anxiety in play.
I also have this massive fear of dying! Too soon, too painful, being alone. And it affects my life thinking I have to cram in everything I want to do all at once. Then I end up exhausted and can't really enjoy anything.
I do take time now to just sit and take in what's around me which has taken me a few years to master, in fact anxiety has helped with that because it does slow you down. But it doesn't stop my brain. It's like my body and brain are fighting against each other.
I could be sitting watching a film one evening and my brain will be saying, "go and clear that cupboard out" or "stop watching tv, you are wasting time".
But I know I'm not wasting time because I am relaxing and that is just important. But it leaves me with only being able to watch stuff that completely grabs my attention.
I am easily distracted and my mind wanders.
I think I've always been like that from school days.
Quote: "She would learn so much more if she concentrated and didn't dream out of the window".
I suppose we all have great aspirations for ourselves and I for one think dreaming can be aspirational.
So on this cloudy day today, I might just do a bit of that. At least dreaming is better than worrying.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi C.
I can relate to the racing thoughts, the mind never stopping, especially when we are trying to relax. Lying in bed with insomnia is the worst, the mind goes faster and faster with all the things I could and should be doing and then sleep is even harder to achieve. And the watching TV part: that's totally me. I can NOT just sit and enjoy a TV show with my husband (or alone). And oh, the commercials, I have no patience for those so most of the things I watch are pre-recorded so that I can fast forward by them.

I have found a solution to the watching TV part that might help you. Can you find a hobby to work on while you are watching TV? Maybe knitting or crocheting? I don't like doing either of those so I discovered "diamond painting". I sit and work on that on my lap while watching TV and the combination of the two is enough to stop the racing thoughts in my brain.

I also think perhaps a mild tranquilizer might help you immensely but I know you do not want to take medication. How about an occasional glass of wine?

Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, I often do something while watching tv,
unless of course it's edge of the seat gripping.
I also prerecord stuff so I can fast forward the many annoying or depressing adverts.
I'm not a fan of meds and have a phobia anyway, but chamomile tea helps. I've also heard that calms are very effective, although I haven't tried them.
I have tried the wine in the past, probably too much!

[Carnation]

I had to take a chill pill yesterday, (figure of speech).
I'm becoming too hyper and want everything done now!!!
This is how I used to be and my fear is to come crashing down.
It's the new place and the vast amount of boxes that have to be unpacked and Mr C is not helping by opening them and taking bits out and leaving items scattered all over the place. I'm a touch OCD when it comes to things in order and it muddles up my brain, so we had a domestic yesterday.
Then he says the worst he can say to me reminding me that I am controlling and have to do everything my way.
"Eh yes, don't you think I am aware of that'? I can't help my order regime and OCD, so there we were in the garage with nearly all the boxes open and items sprawled everywhere because he was looking for a particular something.
This makes my head dizzy and so I then wanted the whole job finished in one day because my system had been broken and I didn't want to play this game anymore.
After a few exchanged choice words and a couple of tossed boxes, a few tears, we ended up having an ice cream sitting in the garden.
If all else fails, a magnum will normally do the trick, (that's ice-cream, not champagne).
So last night we decided to chill and watch the Eurovision which turned out to be a load of rubbish with the UK coming last again, a bad version of Barbara Streisand singing at the intro and Madonna creeping down a makeshift staircase like she was 102 and giving me a late night which I'm paying for now in the form of oversleeping.
And all I could think of while watching the all night show was those bloomin boxes!!!
Seriously, I'm worried they will send me over the edge.
A relapse due to cardboard boxes.
So today is do nothing to the new place day. I'm spending it on just me! Long soak in the bath, do hair, nails, a bit of reading, gentle walk, a Sunday afternoon crappy film that fills my head with nothingness.
We've both made up and I've more than explained how my OCD works with stuff like this and how I like order and basically the whole job to disappear in an instance.
He does get it, but felt he couldn't do it his way, which is open everything up and get out to see, where I am, do one box at a time and put away.
Well, they do say moving is stressful and up to now I've been pretty much free from a wobbly, but yesterday was a bad day!

Darksky, if you're looking in, can you believe I've had to order more cushions. none of the ones I have go with the new decor. So what's one to do with two dozen cushions, donate to charity shop.
Well Mr C has said a blunt "NO" to having them all on the bed, but I have secretly bundled a few in to a bag and hidden them.

[Darksky]

Only been paying flying visits lately having to employ another person, so had interviews etc, but I've been checking in to make sure you're ok. It's a pain, with finding new people because it upsets routine but some of the candidates were sat shaking and talking 90 to the dozen. Never sure whether it was just the situation or whether they were one of us. Anyway hopefully sorted it now. Not had a day off this week.

Mr.C...no no no. Opening all the boxes at the same time is the road to chaos. Slowly steadily one at a time and put the contents away, then open another. I don't think you should look towards your anxiety with that. It's common sense and stops utter chaos.

More cushions! Lucky you. I admit I did manage to sneak a couple in the other week. Ones with bees on. My sons bedroom, when he's here, is big enough to have a two seater sofa in, sooooo it just needed bee cushions obviously. I need to get done new inners for the front room ones, they're not big enough and the cushions look saggy. Nothing worse than a saggy cushion.

in other news we finally scattered Ginge. I went and bought some solar lights and draped them over the forsythia bush under which he lies now. At night from the kitchen window I can see when his lights come on which is nice and when it's sunny in the day, I sit on the bank and chat to him.

I didnt watch the Eurovision but it sounds like I didn't miss much. We were last....Brexit?...and Madonna was flat. I watched BGT then Godzilla, then overdue to bed. We both overslept this morning and both working too.

Oh and I've done my rib again. My sock got caught in a nail on the landing and I went flying. Straight on my rib, only this time it hurt a lot worse. Back to square one. You really do have to laugh but that nail took a right revenge beating with the hammer.

[Carnation]

Darksky
I'm so pleased you agree with me about the boxes and the cushions.
We must have similar taste. I nearly ordered some bee cushions but Mr C gave me a screwed up face. :(
I have a mixture of butterflies, pheasants, birds, poetry and oversized ones for kipping on.
I've opted for plain ones this time, but they are chenille so I can sit and stroke them when I'm anxious.
I hate interviews and in the past disguised my anxiety very well. I don't over chat like I normally would or fidget. If I want the job badly, I'll tell them what they want to hear.
Example, "what are your weaknesses"?
Answer, "I don't have any"
So be aware of wise people that give you perfect answers along the way.
Saying that, I've always given 100% to my work.
But I believe if there is a connection between Employer and employee, then that's a good start.
You can always teach people stuff but you can't change their personality.
I bet you hid your nerves well too Darksky.
Wouldn't it be strange if someone sat down and said, "hi, I'm ****** and I suffer from anxiety and panic". Would you employ that person? Does it make them incapable of doing their job? Would they have a lot of time off from work? Then again, the same issues might apply to a mum with 3/4 kids. Or the young girl with a new boyfriend who will undoubtedly be having many late nights and her mind wandering to how wonderful her bloke is.
I think you just have to go on gut instinct and how comfortable you feel with that person.
Oh, and your lovely idea of the lights for ginge really moved me, brought a tear to my eye.
Our pets bring us so much joy and it's so hard when they leave us. :( Ginge was lucky to have such a lovely owner. x

As for another injury! We'll what can I say?
Maybe slow down a bit, look who's talking.
But some more hugs for you

[Darksky]

Actually a girl did come once and say exactly that.....I suffer with anxiety and depression but I'm on medication and I'm managing it. Know what? I employed her.
she was very good at the job, very concientious and I was sad when she left because of child care issues. She was so upfront about it. I wonder if it's a generation thing. I would never admit it...to anyone. Yet she was ok to speak about it at the interview. I got through with the aid of a foxes glacier mint.

i can see where you're going wrong with your cushions......consulting Mr.C.....Now Mr.D never gets a look in. I completely take over interior decorating and he puts up with it. Mind you, he is minimalist. No pictures, no ornaments, no rugs and certainly no Yankee Candles. I just say I'm here to save him from himself and a miserable bleak existence.

thank you for your kind words about a Ginge. I do miss that cat. One of the cats from up the lane keeps wandering down now and Sam, my other cat is scared of him. Ginge was a scrapper and kept him at bay. I saw a chocolate point rag doll the other day. OMG, there's my next cat sorted. MrD? Did I hear you ask? Not going to get a look in

[DustingMyselfOff]

Ugh... I can so relate and feel the pain of both of you. The packing and unpacking process: I'm thinking it's a guy thing versus a gal thing. When we moved from one house to another (20 years ago) I was strategically packing things in boxes that belonged together, labeling and marking them, and loading them in the order that I would need them in the new house. Hubby? He was taking any random thing he could get his hands on, throwing it in the van, and then grabbing some more. No rhyme or reason, nothing made any common sense, but his mission was to get all the stuff out of one house and into the other. I'm embarrassed to say that there are STILL boxes of stuff in the basement that haven't been unpacked. They are so buried under mountains of new "stuff" that I have no desire to exert the time or energy to see what's in them, but someday, when the mood strikes, it will be like opening a time capsule.

Darsky, my stomach clenched and my head started to spin when you were talking about corporate and business challenges. Oh, how I do NOT miss those days! I've only been out of the corporate world 2.5 months but the thought of ever returning to it sends me into a panic attack.

My day yesterday was filled with some joy, some awe-inspiring experiences, and some manual hard labor. One of my dwarf seahorses gave birth and I was able to capture it on film. Those creatures just amaze me. Then I spent hours helping my husband take down a big old tree in our front yard. With the little bit of daylight left, I planted some flowers and got my hands in the dirt, which I love (except this old back of mine doesn't love it so much anymore).

This is day 3 of waking up feeling well, mentally and physically, and I cherish each moment. It's either that the increase in medication is kicking in, or learning to enjoy retirement is, but whatever it is, I thank God for it and pray it lasts.

Reminder to us all: BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
Sue

[Carnation]

Hi Sue
Good for you! Feeling better and getting your hands stuck in the earth. If it's good enough for trees and plants, it's good enough for us!
Yes, that's exactly how it was with the packing and unpacking. I organised everything so all categories were together and my point was, 'house things first, personal stuff later'. But, oh no, there was Mr C with shoes and jackets sprawled all over the place. And I lost it and started to cry. He just didn't understand how important it is to get the kitchen straight but when I reminded him they'd be no dinner without it, he suddenly became very interested.
Seahorse? Wow, that's interesting Sue.
Darksky, ragdolls are lovely and they know it!
And I'll remember not to consult Mr C about furnishings.