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Thread: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

  1. #2221
    Join Date
    May 2014
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    6,472

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    An update from me....

    Obviously I haven't been posting of late.
    I'm plodding on, as you do, having fair days, good days and not so good days.
    I'm applying CBT skills daily and working my way through a stack of books of self-help.
    And there's one thing that has come to light with me.
    All the people that I know in the real world, that I rarely socialise with, but keep in contact by phone, text and occasionally bump in to, have all got problems in their lives and they seem to talk about nothing else but that.
    I'm a good listener, I care about people and I'm very sympathetic. But, it really doesn't help my recovery or my social anxiety because I've come to associate people with grief, trauma and sadness.
    There's never a laugh, a conversation about something interesting or a pleasant conversation and it's this I have to look at in my life.
    I have read many a time that if the people in your life bring you down, then it's not beneficial to your recovery or your happiness.
    I'll give you two examples...
    At 1am in the morning, I receive a text from someone who is feeling lonely and can't sleep.
    At 9am I receive a full blown picture by text of an injury from another person.
    And now writing this I feel selfish saying these things, but if I want to be the person I want to be, I need to associate with people that can also smile, laugh, have interests and have respect.
    I haven't realised until now that I have been a carer, advisor, listener and helper to almost everyone I know.
    And its now time to change some of that, whether it's joining some clubs or classes or something else, but as long as I can build a more enjoyable and a less depressing life.
    Last edited by Carnation; 18-01-20 at 09:56.

  2. #2222
    Join Date
    Jun 2014
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    9,109

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I think you should lose those who use you and keep people who make you laugh and distract you from anything related to anxiety.

    Some people really drag you down and are totally self-obsessed. Do you reckon you could join a class or club without you needing Mr C to be with you? x

  3. #2223
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    May 2014
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    6,472

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Thank you Pulisa for not saying I am selfish for those thoughts. I have no idea how a club or class will pan out, but if I don't try, I'll never know. Most of them are about an hour or even less, so it's manageable. As long as its interesting enough. If I'm dropped off and picked up, it will be easier to get my head round.
    I've waited in the Dr's waiting room for Mr C and that's not a pleasant venue, so if its something interesting and nice, it might possibly be a breeze.
    The hardest conquest is finding something and I'm a bit out of touch with the big wide world.

  4. #2224
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    Jun 2014
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    9,109

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    Thank you Pulisa for not saying I am selfish for those thoughts. I have no idea how a club or class will pan out, but if I don't try, I'll never know. Most of them are about an hour or even less, so it's manageable. As long as its interesting enough. If I'm dropped off and picked up, it will be easier to get my head round.
    I've waited in the Dr's waiting room for Mr C and that's not a pleasant venue, so if its something interesting and nice, it might possibly be a breeze.
    The hardest conquest is finding something and I'm a bit out of touch with the big wide world.
    Oh me too !! I think finding a class that's doable, small and appeals to you could be a real bonus. It could give you a breathing space and somewhere to get back some confidence in yourself as a person who has their own interests and skills x

  5. #2225
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    May 2014
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Confidence is definitely something I have to build on, and trust. And I definitely don't want to do something just for the sake of. I'm thinking maybe the library might be a good place to start, because if the class bores the pants off me, I can hide myself in the books. x

  6. #2226
    Join Date
    May 2017
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    764

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    1am! Now, I think I'm a fairly helpful person but I would not appreciate someone texting me in the early hours. Now not only can they not sleep but they've well and truly woken you up too. Maybe leave your phone in the other room or at least turn it before you go to sleep.
    But the bigger picture, well yes I think surrounding yourself with positive people is always a good thing. Depressing people can so easily drag you further down. This thread is great in a lot of ways....we don't always talk about anxiety, we just chat about our days like women of a certain age, over a cuppa in a cafe.

    my son is doing a photography course. He loves it and some of the stuff he's now doing is brilliant. Really professional looking. You could combine that with bird watching and nature in general. Or what about yoga? That could help with your relaxation and get you into all sorts of bendy positions Pilates? That's gentle. Painting? You never know there maybe live models knowing your luck you will get nothing more exciting than a fruit bowl.

    Give your local college a bell or go round for a leaflet. It maybe the best thing you ever did. Mr.C might enrol himself on a carpentry course you never know. You do want a wonky spice rack dont you?
    __________________
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    Livin' On A Prayer...Bon Jovi

  7. #2227
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
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    74

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi Carnation, you could do one of those premium cost sex chats from home, all you have to do is moan and groan in the right places whilst trying not to pee your pants laughing...eh we could all do it then share our stories...

  8. #2228
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    May 2014
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Aww, you guys are so lovely

    Darksky, I agree with you. Its not just anxiety chat, it's companionship, Desperate Housewives, Sex and the City. We cry, we laugh, we smile, we care. x

    YNWA, I would certainly have a laugh doing sex chat. I don't think I'd last 5 minutes with giggling.

    You've given me some ideas.
    I'm happy as a pig in sh*t when doing something with animals, although pigs would be very challenging.
    I love being with nature, but couldn't bring myself to draw nudes and a bowl of fruit would send me to sleep.
    I do like art and crafts though and fancy myself as a Pottery thrower, sculpture, clothes designer, maybe even a bricklayer.

    Darksky, your son's photography sounds great and isn't it very much living in the moment!

    But it's not just about the course, it's about meeting the right people too. And not those that send texts at 1am in the morning.
    Last edited by Carnation; 18-01-20 at 09:59.

  9. #2229
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Posts
    519

    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    You are NOT selfish for thinking and expressing those feelings. And if you feel you are being selfish, then I'm going to say "Well, it's about darned time!" You need to make yourself your #1 priority and the others can come after that. Yes, there are a few people in my life who I would expect to contact me in the middle of the night if they are in some sort of trouble, but other than those few very special people (who I know would be there for me, too) the rest need to be weeded out. Life is too short and precious to be picking up negative energy from other people. There are some instances in which we are forced to spend some time with people who are less than positive (like me having to spend Wednesday with my sister since it was her birthday) but other than that, I decline invitations now. I am supposed to be at her house right now for yet another celebration of her birth but I declined. Didn't give a reason, just said "We'll skip this one but thanks for the invitation."

    I love the idea of you getting out and finding a group of people who have similar interests as you and the best way to do that is to find a club or class or group that meets once a week or so. I like the yoga idea, or maybe volunteer at a humane society? The one thing I tell people when they ask why I love my job so much is that not only am I spending my time with animals, but also with other people who love animals as much as I do. Similar hearts, similar minds. I sincerely hope you find one or two you are willing to attend, at least once, and perhaps find your place and have something to look forward to, at least during these dreary winter months.

    Has anyone else noticed that our energy goes in cycles? I'm not sure if we've discussed this before or not but I am definitely noticing a pattern. I was a whirlwind of energy Tuesday night, all night and day Wednesday, all night and day Thursday, and then Friday afternoon - C R A S H! I am dragging badly and grateful that I can do nothing tonight because I am working the next three days. Now granted if we had total control over what we do with our days and nights then maybe we could better regulate our energy cycles by pacing ourselves, but sometimes life gets in the way and there are things we MUST do or MUST attend and they often seem to all happen in the same few days. So the bright side to this is I am not worrying, obsessing, or analyzing WHY I crashed so hard and am so wiped out right now. Perhaps I'm too tired to care. LOL But I am just accepting that I have good reason to be tired and that this too shall pass.

    Are there any meditation groups in your area, Mrs. C? There are lots of those where I am.
    Sue

  10. #2230
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    May 2014
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Thank you Sue. x
    I agree, there are a few people and only in an emergency that would contact you in an ungodly hour.
    Unfortunately the person in question who does this, does it a lot!
    Apart from that, my heart skips a beat thinking someones died or something as you associate a very late or early call with something bad.
    The fact I might not be asleep myself has nothing to do with it either, I think it's just inconsiderate of the person to do that.
    Back to the club / class thing...
    Was chatting to Mr C and thought we would something together and then something else on my own. I can go to meditation / yoga classes, but I really want to try something non anxiety related and dare I say something more normal.
    And I'm afraid it's more what's available than my dream vocation. If I have to travel too far, it will just put me off of going and if I make friends, I'd prefer it was nearer to where I live otherwise the whole exercise is pointless.
    When I get back to driving, and I will, I have to be able to drive to what ever I decide to do with no added pressure.
    So at the moment I've found learning Italian and a snooker club.

    Sue, funny you should say that about energy, or lack of.
    Yesterday I felt like I was a hod carrier with a pallet of a dozen bricks on my back. The day before I was so so. But the few days before that I had masses of energy. So much I was cleaning down walls at 10pm at night.
    Personally I think it's all to do with adrenalin and if I have nothing to do in a day and relax, I become slightly comatosed.
    So I think it's just a case of going with the flow.
    I strangely have more energy on nights I have less sleep, but I think it becomes a catch up situation.

    I'm popping out to look at notice boards to see if I can get inspiration. But it won't be dance classes. I did that about 4 years ago with Mr C and rock n roll nearly killed me! Let alone making you feel dizzy.

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