Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Yes, I think I have been going through a crisis Darksky and this is what I say to Mr C, "YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME". He is very dear to me, but whatever my condition, I still cook him a dinner, wash his clothes, ironing his clothes, and generally look after everything. And if I don't want to go around a dozen shops, well I don't. Especially when I'm feeling off.
And yes, I am wrapped up in myself, because I feel like there's no one to look after me, but me. And that's where obcession builds.
Today, my morning was it's usual iffy one, but I got myself into the garden and got down and dirty in it. Pruning and weeding, but also watching the wonders of nature at work.
I should have definitely been a gardener for my working life. And as a result I feel a little better.
Just a supportive voice and comforting words can make all the difference so you don't feel alone or over think.

[Pkstracy]

Gives you a big hug.

[Carnation]

Back at yer Tracy

[Carnation]

I managed a little drive yesterday, only a mile, but it's better than nothing. I won't be beat by this, its my life and I'm not going to have it taken away from me!
I'm not overdoing things, I'm spending time in the garden so I get my exercise, resting up all evening, but yesterday I just thought, let's give it a go in the car.
I was a little nervous to begin with, but I did ok. And parked up with a half smile on my face.
Yeah, I'm still suffering with all the symptoms of anxiety, but I'm trying to still do things and nothing bad happened to me while driving the car.
I expected muscle twitching afterwards and I got them. And I understood why I got them.
I'm not going to make any plans today. I find that puts more pressure on me. At the same tine, sitting around is not good for me either.
My garden bin is full already, but it doesn't stop me from being in the garden, it's a nice day as well.
I can feel the depression lifting a little and yesterday was the first time I didn't weep at any upset.
I also spent the first half of the morning comforting a friend by text through panic while waiting to go into the dentist.
Isn't strange how you can help others but not yourself?

[Darksky]

That's a far more positive post Mrs.C

I hate the dentist too so I feel for your friend. It's being trapped in the chair that does it for me.
my morning has consisted of cleaning house and watching the septic tank being emptied we are not on mains sewage out in the sticks so the tank has to get emptied periodically. I realised too late I have all the windows opened. Let's just say the yankee candles are earning their keep at the moment.

[Carnation]

I know exactly what that is like Darksky. The previous place we used to live at had ceptic tanks, two!! Pongy is putting it mildly.

[Carnation]

The moment I went out this afternoon, I got stuck with someone wanting to chat. Oh my, my legs wouldn't keep still, my heart was racing and I felt woozy. :( I was thinking, "please don't ask me if I am ok or worse still tell me I look ill". :( then, would you believe it, another person stopped to chat and I thought, "this is going to finish me off". In the end I edged away jibbering something and felt unsociable, but my danger signals were bleeping.
Oh anxiety does get you down. :(

Sue, hope you ok? x

[Carnation]

Another complete meltdown this morning. The boiler stopped working and after I had exhausted myself trying to get it to work, I had to ask Mr C to do something. With his Frank Spencer type personality I rarely do this, but I Could no longer cope with it. To cut the story short, we had on phone guidance, lots of water in the airing cupboard, lots of weeping from me, but its working again.
This would have been something I would take in my stride pre-anxiety days. :(

[Darksky]

These are the everyday things that mean nothing to the 'ordinary folk' but not us. You are in a very heightened state at the moment and you need a period of time where there are no dramas, nothing to sort out. Just a few weeks of peace. Of course this is the exact time when things go wrong. It's Sod's law.

Still, it's done and over with. Already in the past. Take some deep breaths and let it go and wallow tonight in a warm bath, just because you can, now it's fixed.

glorious weather here. I'm just having my lunch watching a Goldfinch and a Nuthatch on the feeders.

[Carnation]

Thanks Darksky, I've taken to the garden too, on my own!
I'm watching the beautiful dragonfly at work, the bees are still their usual busy self, the sun is a perfect temperature on my overstressed face and the autumn colours in the garden are warming to the soul.
I'm admiring all my hard work over the last few months and question how I even did it all. I even question how I found the strength to move and make a home, but I did.
I do feel the need to slump alot, but afraid I will not ever want to leave the home, so as Claire Weeke puts it, I am practising in small doses facing the outside world.