Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

I was only saying the same thing to Mr C Pulisa.
We had 3 parents that were very poorly mentally and I would have really struggled with dealing with it if they were still alive under these circumstances.

So, Justanutter it must have been such a difficult time for you and I have no doubt there will be tears when you see your mum. That may even release some pent-up emotions we hold so tight in our stomach.
Keep going with the good foods. Tbh, I slip up and sometimes eat something that may upset me for days, just because I want to be normal. Especially chocolate.
If we have stress and worry in our lives, we need to be kinder to our body.

[Justanutter]

Thank you ladies. Yes, the last year has been very hard re my lovely Mum. She was my rock but she was poorly with COPD for many months and was in and out of hospital and then had a breakdown so she ended up in a Nursing Home which broke me really but it was her decision to stay in there, mainly so I didn’t have the stress anymore bless her but I’ve struggled to come to terms with it all and lockdown has been awful. I will have to try to get on top of this because it’s really affecting me as you can tell. I have lost interest in everything, including myself and living with two men who don’t understand isn’t helping as they think it’s just a case of getting on with it and everything is solved by a walk when I haven’t the energy for even the basics some days. Hopefully Spring will now start to make a difference to all of us. Small steps. Thank you for your support, cheaper than therapy!

[Carnation]

Here, anytime Justanutter. :hugs

[pulisa]

You'll feel so much better once you can see your Mum regularly again. It will give you some motivation back and a reason to get better and stronger. You can start counting the days now until you can visit her again.

[Carnation]

I've been so anxious and wound up the last couple of days. Even more than usual.
I feel like my head is about to combust!
Ok, that may be an exaggeration and weirdly ties in with the full moon like I'm fighting with gravity and a call from moon people, but seriously I've been doing some stupid things too.
Last night I turned the heating up because it felt chilly and instead of clicking on to 20c and managed to turn it the opposite way to 12c.
So the heating didn't come on this morning and I've been racking my brain how I managed to do this. I mean I check the temperature gage about six times before I go to bed.
Then this morning I've been arguing with myself how I could be so stupid, wanting to blame Mr C knowing full well it was me. For one thing he wouldn't dare touch the thermostat for my hormonal flushing.
Then in the kitchen I watched as I poured my little packet of milk to go on my porridge all over the top of the cooker. I made tea without milk and I felt like the floor had turned into a trampoline.
I even said "Come on pull yourself together" which is something you definitely don't say to someone with a mental condition.
So once I'd consumed my very milky porridge I did a quick scan around my surroundings.
Sunny day - tick,
Peaceful surroundings - tick,
Cat purring - tick,
Birds tweeting - tick
So why so anxious and numb headed?
And how did I get 20 mixed up with 12 and not even do my super check before going to bed?
And why do I need to know this anyway?

[Justanutter]

Pulisa, oh I can’t wait to hold my Mum’s hand again! We are both going to be in bits but it will be so needed.

Gosh Carnation, there’s no rhyme or reason why you should have had such a disastrous day but I do believe we women can go a bit weird on a full moon! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you. The sun is set to stick around for the next few days thankfully. X

[Carnation]

Justanutter, it will be the buildup to that moment of seeing your mum that will make you anxious, so expect to be and understand the reason for it. x

I was anxious to see whether this morning was going to be a repeat action of yesterday, but it wasn't.
This is how we form patterns of being anxious before nothing has even happened. I also find this when I'm anxious free, thinking, "Where is it? Where's the anxiety gone?" I even go looking for it, lol.
There is definitely a thing when you start to feel a bit more normal and wondering how long it will last and being on alert waiting for it to reappear again. When we should be just accepting the freedom.

For the last few weeks, could be more, I've had bad acid reflux and sinuses issues. The reflux is settling now, but you know how it can set off health anxiety.
You start thinking, "what if its more than acid reflux?"
And it takes a great mindset to remember you've had this before and it happened because... and it comes and goes and now you are taking more care with your choice of foods it is healing.
I even managed to sleep through a solid 7 hours sleep and I haven't had that for weeks, probably months.
How two days can be so different. That's why I say to myself, "it's just an off day". Because it is so easy to slip into a "I'm not great again and gonna take myself off to my bed". Although if I am honest, I do have my bed mornings, sometimes afternoons. For relaxation, chilling, reading, writing, meditation. Not for illness. And that is important. It's the reason you do something that decides how we perceive something in our brain.
It's ok to lay on the bed and read a book. Not ok to lay on bed thinking you're going to die.
It's ok to open a window for fresh air to freshen the room. Not ok to open the window because you are panicking.
It's ok to leave somewhere because you need to do other stuff. Not ok because you want to escape and think if you stay something terrible will happen.
It's ok to have an early night or reside to your bed early evening if you spend time winding down. It's not ok to do that if you think you'll be safer there.
It's ok if you don't have your meal at the designated time occasionally. You are not going to die because you had lunch an hour later. (This is something I've been battling for some while now).
The list is endless, but you get the idea.

[Carnation]

I've got to stop watching those Coronavirus updates, pop-ups on my phone and any tv stations with adverts.
I religiously stopped watching the news ages ago, along with newspapers and fast forwarded the adverts.
But.... because I think I need to know the latest rules of what we mere civilians can or can't do, which seems to change weekly, sometimes daily, I tune in to get the new rules of the land.
Big mistake! I'm droned with statistics, graphs, rambling words of dictatorship leaving me with riddled with sadness, despair and fear mongering thinking fueling my already anxiety pumped body and mind.
The same with pop-ups on my mobile. They appear, I click and let's be honest, it's never gonna be good news.
Same with the adverts. Long gone are the catchy jingles advertising coco pops, Cadburys milk tray and levi jeans, just Cancer, funerals, starving children, abused animals and now dying people in hospital from covid.
I do all my programmes to ff the adverts, but they still mange to sneak in if I'm not at the ready with my remote.
I was only watching a film on catchup the other day to try and relax and half way through, up they come, all in their 'let's ruin your calm, relaxing mood' moment.
I mean, do the controllers not even think about people's mental health? Have they any idea what this does to people. Maybe they do and that's why they do it.
Surely it's unproductive as many people I know don't watch the news anymore, read a newspaper and wrap their evenings in Netflix or YouTube.
That's my barking over with, lol.

The last couple of days I've been doing a bit of spring cleaning. You know the sort of stuff. Pulling the bed out and doing those bits you can't see, wiping down ornaments, cleaning kitchen cupboards, throwing out those items in the freezer that you'd thought you might eat but are still there a year later. Cleaning the windows and frames to only get condensation the next day. Cleaning those finger marks on the walls, (how do they get there in the first place). You know the sort of stuff. Mind numbing, time filling stuff.
It's also a time that your mind can wander because it has nothing exciting to entertain it. So putting on some music is a good idea, preferably something you might dance to.
Music is a big part of my life and saved my soul many a time. Sounds dramatic, but true.
They say you listen to the tune when happy and the words when sad. If you are not in the habit of listening to a disc or two, I recommend you give it a try. If nothing else it gives your eyes a rest from the hours of tv and Internet use. A good tip for tired eyes and even stress...
Rub your palms together like you would if you were in front of a burning log fire, then place your hands over your eyes for about 10 seconds. You'll be amazed how clear they are after doing that.
Well, that's enough waffling from me today. Have a good day readers.

[Justanutter]

Carnation, just been reading this blog from first post and wow, could have written it myself almost literally. Have taken so many tips from it. Just need to put some of them into practice. Bad day today, stupidly ate two buttered pieces of malt loaf not long before bed with a cuppa last night, started to feel awful, had a rubbish sleep and stomach still felt full when I woke....grrr. Made myself go for a very small walk at the back of the church, started to feel awful, legs felt about to give up and just felt ill....why, why when I’m trying to do something nice for myself!! Just then reiterates that little brain gremlin that tells me I’m really ill and spoils it all.

this is all so exhausting ����*♀️ My Mum’s morning phone call was very draining this morning too which didn’t help as it upset me.

Anyway, sorry being very negative when you’re trying very hard to put a positive spin on everything to help x

[Carnation]

Justanutter, I've had those days
You ate something that triggered your tummy to react and you had a bad day because of the way you felt and poor sleep. That's today. Put it behind you and don't think how you will be tomorrow.
I don't know about you but when my tummy is upset it affects me so much that anxiety fuels every aspect of my body.
Settle the tummy and you settle the anxiety.
I know you eat quite well, but maybe you need to look at the timings of eating. Try not to go longer than 4 hours and don't eat anything after your evening meal. Avoid trigger foods for the time being.
I also think that your symptoms and feelings have been affected by your mum's situation and the lockdown and I think you said something about your son.
Your kettle has been boiling and it gets to the point of overflowing then burning out.
You may think a calm walk will relieve your anxieties, but you carry the worry around in your head. So you take anxiety with you before you even start your journey.
There's nothing wrong with your legs and your stomach is just reflecting your anxious mind.
And I'm not saying you shouldn't take a walk, it's good to get out for fresh air and exercise. But put this particular occasion down to a iffy tummy, poor sleep and an over anxious mind.
I pretty sure you'll have a better night's sleep tonight and when you awake in the morning, see at as a completely new and fresh day. x