Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks, Darsky. I was hypnotized twice in the past (20 and 25 years ago, in a group setting) and it worked for me. Geez, I hope he doesn't ask me to recall my FIRST panic attack, I'm not sure I remember which one was first - there were so many starting so many decades ago.
Sue

[Carnation]

I don't want to crush your enthusiasm either Sue, but it didn't work for me either. And that was Paul Mckenna.
But it did work for my friend, so I suppose we are all different.

Darksky, thank you so much for warm wishes and no, I won't be down B & Q with the hoards or eager gardeners. It's already done!
We put the curtains and the lampshades up today.
Mr C was having a fight with the curtain rail in the bedroom and while he was doing that, I'd done two rooms. The wardrobes and bed are coming next week and amazingly the WiFi.
Yes, I think you are right. I too have a feeling this may be a turning point for the better. It feels right, if you know what I mean.

I still had time to visit a local antiques fair this morning and took that friend that's just moved up here.
You are not going to believe this but she had a panic attack. Quite a bad one. I was already struggling myself with the crowds, noise and heat, but I stepped up to the mark and looked after her.
It's a strange feeling seeing a mirror image of yourself.
She was ok and of course I knew how to deal with it, because I deal with them myself. My only worry was the two of us having one and poor Mr C not knowing which way to turn. Thankfully that didn't happen.

[DustingMyselfOff]

So glad you're enjoying your new home and feeling well! I thought of this group today while I was out running errands. I started to feel a little light-headed in one of the stores which usually sets off some panic and makes me head for the door and I thought of the others here who tough it out and get the items they went out to purchase, so I forged ahead and did pretty well.

I'll try not to get my hopes up about the hypnosis, but the fact that it has worked for me twice before (in a group setting, this time will be a one-on-one appointment) I've got a healthy amount of optimism about it.
Sue

[Carnation]

Thank you Sue. x As you can imagine, I'm rather pleased myself. Not too long ago I was going through a relapse which was increased to the loss of a close family member who I cared for as well.
I suppose it's a bit like throwing yourself in to work.
Now, instead of lying awake in bed torturing myself with guilt and sorrow, I am thinking about what colour lampshade to put in the bedroom and where's the best place to put the tv.

Mr C and I are also going to be clearing his late mum's house in a couple of weeks and collecting more stuff to bring back. I'm more anxious about that and worried how this will affect Mr C and possibly open up unhealed wounds. Plus we have that wonderful journey on the M25. I know it sounds silly, but I'm worried we won't make it back, for what reason, I don't know, but my brain goes in to overdrive and obsessive thoughts.
I'm concerned about Mr C because he is sleeping too much! Oversleeping in the morning, then again late morning then in the afternoon and half the evening.
My brain is telling me that there is something wrong with him and I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help worrying.
So, for now my aim is to make home for the future and have comfort and security. Hopefully happiness will follow.

I know how anxiety can be debilitating and frustrating, but it is not life threatening or a permanent state and I am always thankful that it isn't something more fatal we carry around with us.
I was only diagnosed 5 years ago, but looking back on my life, I can now recall incidents and symptoms that were anxiety related, so I could well of had this most of my life.
As is with my parents and as a child wondered why my dad had so many locks on the door and stuck a chair under the doorknob for security. And why we rarely had visitors and recognise my dad leaving the room when we did. Why I couldn't have a bike or go on holiday with my friends incase something dreadful happened to me. Why my mum and dad never went abroad for a holiday and was petrified when I told them the first time I flew to Spain. They even tried to talk me out of learning to drive a car and that was when I was 30!
Yes, I have definitely been brought up with anxiety/fear and although I made my own life for myself, I now feel the fear more as I am getting older.
Saying that, anxiety has nothing to do with age, but maybe a trigger sets it off? A memory or circumstance?
We can read books on the subject until the cows come home, we look for cures and face our fears, but what if this is something that has been bred in to us and developed as time moves on?
I feel that anxiety is more emotionally based and certain times in our lives it will come to the forefront, but it can also fall into the background.
So, maybe we shouldn't try so hard to rid, but learn to manage, cope and work at keeping it the background.
Apart from that, anxiety is part of our make-up, because fear protects you. We just don't want so much of it.

[Darksky]

Isn't it strange...or maybe not....that looking back we can clearly see the anxiety that was in the past. A therapist would say that you 'learned' to be anxious from watching the behaviour of your father. Do you know anything about his parents, was there anxiety there too? Maybe you didn't learn it but it was pre programmed to come out in your genes. It's a fascinating subject but one I wish we were all not so closely involved with.

For me, there were no stresses growing up, I had a stable home and a happy life. I had friends, a job and quickly met Mr.D. I had zero anxiety and I knew no one who had it. I was essentially one of the 'normal' people.

Then I had a panic attack, caused by a severe pain in my chest in the pub. The pain went as they do but I became fearful of the horrendous symptoms of panic. I dreaded it coming back, which it did. And thus anxiety/ panic was born. The cycle of fear. Simple fear of symptoms.

Later in life, my sister confessed she had it too. I was amazed and she was too when she found out I had it. Both of us are masters at hiding it obviously and I had left home so we didn't spend all that much time together. Digging around we found one side of the family is littered with casualties from this. People who live the other side of the country, people we have never met. Generations back. There is no learned behaviour in my case. It is purely and simply hereditary. The gene is there waiting for something to turn it on, in my case the fleeting pain.

well there you go, my history in how it all started. I would like to write a page on how it ended but hey ho.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thank you Sue. x As you can imagine, I'm rather pleased myself. Not too long ago I was going through a relapse which was increased to the loss of a close family member who I cared for as well.
I suppose it's a bit like throwing yourself in to work.
Now, instead of lying awake in bed torturing myself with guilt and sorrow, I am thinking about what colour lampshade to put in the bedroom and where's the best place to put the tv.

Mr C and I are also going to be clearing his late mum's house in a couple of weeks and collecting more stuff to bring back. I'm more anxious about that and worried how this will affect Mr C and possibly open up unhealed wounds. Plus we have that wonderful journey on the M25. I know it sounds silly, but I'm worried we won't make it back, for what reason, I don't know, but my brain goes in to overdrive and obsessive thoughts.
I'm concerned about Mr C because he is sleeping too much! Oversleeping in the morning, then again late morning then in the afternoon and half the evening.
My brain is telling me that there is something wrong with him and I shouldn't think like that, but I can't help worrying.
So, for now my aim is to make home for the future and have comfort and security. Hopefully happiness will follow.

I know how anxiety can be debilitating and frustrating, but it is not life threatening or a permanent state and I am always thankful that it isn't something more fatal we carry around with us.
I was only diagnosed 5 years ago, but looking back on my life, I can now recall incidents and symptoms that were anxiety related, so I could well of had this most of my life.
As is with my parents and as a child wondered why my dad had so many locks on the door and stuck a chair under the doorknob for security. And why we rarely had visitors and recognise my dad leaving the room when we did. Why I couldn't have a bike or go on holiday with my friends incase something dreadful happened to me. Why my mum and dad never went abroad for a holiday and was petrified when I told them the first time I flew to Spain. They even tried to talk me out of learning to drive a car and that was when I was 30!
Yes, I have definitely been brought up with anxiety/fear and although I made my own life for myself, I now feel the fear more as I am getting older.
Saying that, anxiety has nothing to do with age, but maybe a trigger sets it off? A memory or circumstance?
We can read books on the subject until the cows come home, we look for cures and face our fears, but what if this is something that has been bred in to us and developed as time moves on?
I feel that anxiety is more emotionally based and certain times in our lives it will come to the forefront, but it can also fall into the background.
So, maybe we shouldn't try so hard to rid, but learn to manage, cope and work at keeping it the background.
Apart from that, anxiety is part of our make-up, because fear protects you. We just don't want so much of it.

Wow, Carnation, yours was a short post, but so full of things I want to comment on! First, I am totally shocked that you've only dealt with anxiety for 5 years! You seem to be so enlightened and aware and knowledgeable about this disorder, and you seem to have such great coping tools for someone who's only been living it for such a short time! I've been dealing with it for over 50 years and I don't think I'm as far along as you are in dealing with it so kudos to you!

Thanks for the reminder about anxiety not being life-threatening. When I am in the throes of a pity party about it I then remind myself that at least my problem has medicines that can alleviate it and I am thankful that it is not something much more serious.

And wow, did you turn on a light bulb for me talking about getting anxiety from a parent! My mother instilled fear in me as early as I can remember! I was never allowed to go on any school trips for her fear that I would get hurt. No amusement park rides, don't drive - you could get in an accident! Don't go skiiing, you'll break a leg. Don't get on a plane, you'll die! (Mom never got a driver's license and had never been on a plane, did any sports, went on any trips, etc.) And even as an adult if I mentioned that I had gone to the mall one day, she would say "Alone!?!?! Isn't that scary???? You could get kidnapped!" Wow, didn't even remember that my mom was terrified of everything until I read your post.

So, did I inherit the anxiety gene? Or is my anxiety from being exposed to fear? Probably both. Whatever the cause, I really need to get better at accepting it's here, it will always be here, and the best I can do is accept that. I am so amazed how far you've come in only dealing with this for 5 years - you are an inspiration!
Sue

[Carnation]

Darksky, if you want to write a page, then this is the place.
And yes, a brush with the reality of dying can definitely bring on anxiety. It is one of the major triggers and not easy to erase from your memory.
It's also about your character. If you are on the sensitive side and a worrier, then the episode could haunt you.
If you are the type who says, "oh well, better get on with stuff and put that behind me", then it won't affect you so much.
It's also about what you experience to people around you and the information we store in our brains that cause the anxiety. It's not the experience, it's how we react to it.
We might be quite capable at the time, but our subconscious brain will be absolutely petrified!
I used to have this conception that anyone that went into hospital, didn't come out! That is a ridiculous conception, because it is not true! But my personal experiences led me to believe that, so the fear of hospitals was born. And even someone who would be having a birth would petrify me, so the whole concept got out of perspective.
What we do in our lives and how we compute it is important to how we react.

[Carnation]

Sue, first of all thank you for your praise.
And although I was only diagnosed with anxiety 5 years ago after a severe panic attack and calling the emergency services, I now have a label to decades of suffering.
I have always been a problem solver too and a fighter. I will try and will find ways of eliminating a handicap.
And this 'anxiety' sure is a belter to deal with.
I've also cared for 3 parents and that is a major way of trying to find ways to adapting to life with obstacles.

I used to experience what I call head zaps/rushes during my working life. Also the pounding of the heart in bed at night and very itchy legs. We are going back at least 25 years. I also had trouble sleeping and would find myself making lists for work at 2am. And so tearful at the slightest of comments and situations.
I got it in to my head that no one liked me and grew up thinking I was either a burden to my parents and not capable of leading a life like my friends did.
It was interesting to read about the situation with you too Sue. I think it makes you stronger and determined to succeed later in life, almost like you have something to prove. I grew to not even recognise the word failure and everything I tried would be a 100% with a ribbon tied around and a glee of satisfaction. You could say I became a perfectionist and a problem solver.
I've done a broad amount of stuff from running a bar, tearoom and shops to name a few with a price to pay on top. No personal time and no rest!
And 25 years ago when I experienced these symptoms, I did what most people do and went to the Docs and was checked out in the way of blood tests and everything came back normal, as it does so many times with others.
So I carried on with my life wondering what the hell was wrong with me and truth be known, assumed they had missed something. But because they gave me the all clear every time I got checked out and they didn't label me with anxiety then, I could live a life with less worry. I felt the symptoms that I know now what they are, but it was just there, it didn't feed the fear that I have now.
However, the fear and the worry would always lie in my subconscious mind and overtime would come to haunt me in my conscious mind.
Yes, I've come along way in 5 years because I am a born survivor. I've been in so many scrapes in life and I am not under any circumstances about to give up!

[Carnation]

Catching up on yesterday.....
Mr C and I planned to visit this little quiet village we know to have a bit of lunch about 5 miles away from where we live. Big mistake! It was heaving with holiday makers, the tearoom had run out of food and Mr C didn't feel well and he spent most of time in the public loo.
Where did that leave me? Petrified! There I was sitting at a garden bench surrounded by fifty odd people, (the emphasis on the odd). In a place we only visit about twice a year with a latte that I'm now fearful of drinking due to a possible adrenalin rush, no reception on my phone and if that wasn't enough, the worry about Mr C and having to drive a car 5 miles, when I know I am only able to drive 500 yards comfortably.
So, this was me. "Keep calm, stop fidgeting, nothings going to happen, focus on your surroundings, don't think the worst, try to appear normal, those people are not staring at you, No! Don't start crying".
It's not a nice feeling, but it is just a feeling.
Anyway, I did stay reasonably calm, reassured myself I would be ok, symptoms stayed calm and got home in one piece.
I've learnt from past experiences with eating out, always have a slice of toast or similar before you go out. Yeah, I know, you are eating out, but 3 times out of 5, you will either wait ages for your food, they won't have anything left you like or even worse, they've stopped serving altogether. This applies to the UK Sue, I'm pretty certain the US is quite the opposite.
An empty stomach will react more to anxiety, so fuel up before you go out.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Carnation.
You mentioned feeling like a burden to your parents - were you referring to my childhood or your own? (Perhaps I mentioned that in a past post?) That was me! My mother thought she was too old to be having another child and I knew from a very young age that I was unplanned, unwanted, and that she had no desire to raise another child 10 years after she thought she was done. So I did my best to be invisible, not be any sort of problem or burden, and spent my life trying to do something to make her glad that she had me. Probably why I still need such approval and validation from others, and why I don't accept anything less than 100% from myself.

Today we have a family dinner at my sister's house, the sister that has bullied me and caused me a LOT of anxiety and insecurity for decades. She is very difficult to get along with and is very hard on everyone, so the anxiety of having to spend the day there is building as the time approaches. I woke up this morning feeling under the weather, and quickly realized I always feel that way on days we have to have one of these "family" dinners. And the more I worry about feeling ill, the worse it gets. You see, I'm not even allowed to have an illness or feel unwell around her. I will either get a "what the hell is wrong with you - you're always sick!" or, "oh, give me a break, I am sick and tired all the time and you don't see my giving in to it, I still do .... blah, blah, blah." If I walk in with a pleasant smile and warm greeting, she'll say something like "I've slaved for days to prepare this nice meal,the least you could do is be a little more enthusiastic and happy about being here!" So the next time I arrived I walked in bouncy and bubbly and big grin and big hugs for everyone, and she says "What the hell is wrong with you - you on drugs or something?" I could go on and on about stories of things she has done to me, but why bother. I just need to learn how to get through the days with as little suffering as possible and maybe even try to enjoy it somehow.

So today I am telling myself that I have good reason to feel physically ill, and that it will pass by this evening when I'm home again. I'm not going to worry about WHY I feel lousy, just accept that we can't have good days all the time and remember that "this too shall pass". I just have to find a way to not LOOK ill in her presence, and I have to get these tics to calm down before I get there or she will jump all over me in front of 15 others about why I'm making these crazy jerking movements or why I'm making those funny little sounds in my throat.

Sorry to vent - this too will get easier as I learn to relax. Time to listen to a guided meditation. Happy Easter to all of those who celebrate that, and happy Sunday to everyone!
Sue