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Thread: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

  1. #1001
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I was referring to myself Sue, but I did note that you had a similar upbringing.
    I too was unplanned and also spent most of my life trying to make my parents proud.
    Anything I achieved was not really noted or celebrated and just assumed in the end that they had no love for me at all.
    It was always another family member or someone up the street they would comment on how well they had done, but never me.
    Until, I saved my mum's life. She collapsed in the hallway just weeks before her 80th and I brought her round and my father stood frozen just watching me, not saying anything at all. The next day he said, "I'm really proud of you, I wanted you to know that". That was the only time.
    So I sort of had something to prove to myself, the bosses I worked for, the staff I managed. I had to be the best!

    As for your sister Sue, it is unfortunate that you have a sibling that is not the relationship that we all wish for. And you might even think she despises you. But I've learned that people can be cruel when actually they are jealous. Try to bear that in mind. It would also explain the bullying.
    The other reason could be down to she is hiding issues of her own. If you say, "she's just a horrible person", there will be an underlying reason for that. A reason you may never know. But it's not you, its how she perceives you for what ever reason that is. x

  2. #1002
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    I was referring to myself Sue, but I did note that you had a similar upbringing.
    I too was unplanned and also spent most of my life trying to make my parents proud.
    Anything I achieved was not really noted or celebrated and just assumed in the end that they had no love for me at all.
    It was always another family member or someone up the street they would comment on how well they had done, but never me.
    Until, I saved my mum's life. She collapsed in the hallway just weeks before her 80th and I brought her round and my father stood frozen just watching me, not saying anything at all. The next day he said, "I'm really proud of you, I wanted you to know that". That was the only time.
    So I sort of had something to prove to myself, the bosses I worked for, the staff I managed. I had to be the best!

    As for your sister Sue, it is unfortunate that you have a sibling that is not the relationship that we all wish for. And you might even think she despises you. But I've learned that people can be cruel when actually they are jealous. Try to bear that in mind. It would also explain the bullying.
    The other reason could be down to she is hiding issues of her own. If you say, "she's just a horrible person", there will be an underlying reason for that. A reason you may never know. But it's not you, its how she perceives you for what ever reason that is. x
    Yup, can relate to your achievements not getting recognized. How about never having a parent go to any Parent/Teacher conferences, and no one showing up to your high school graduation? Anyway, that was the past, time for me to get over it but it explains why I need validation so much from others.

    And my sister? Yes, she is a very unhappy person who thinks everyone's worth is measure in monetary wealth. She has all the flashy diamonds and furs and cars and huge house on the beach, and she's miserable. So I do believe she's jealous of people who can find pleasure in the simple things.

    Hope you had a wonderful Sunday, and that we all have a delightful week!
    Sue

  3. #1003
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Same here Sue with bells on. I could go on forever on how disappointed I felt with support and encouragement from my parents. They were good people and did me no wrong, but the love just didn't seem to be there. :(

    It does affect you growing up in the big wide world.
    You have two choices in my opinion. Stay in that cocooned life of self pity or go out in the big wide world and make your mark in life.

    Today my anxiety was back. :(
    I've had a couple of hard days with the friend having a panic attack when we went out on Friday and Mr C not feeling well when we went out on Saturday. Yesterday I stayed local, but today we ventured further afield again.
    I knew it was going to be difficult because my mind started to stray in the car going there. I didn't seem to be paying attention to what Mr C was saying, we were late for lunch and the sun was burning down on me.
    So it was not surprising that when we arrived at our destination, I was very anxious accompanied with blurry eyesight and that unsteady walking on a boat feeling.
    I had to walk out of the place 4 times! Each time I went back in, I thought it's going to be better now and it wasn't until the 4th time it actually was.
    I won't be beaten by it and try, try and try again.

    On the way back and on home turf, I insisted that I drive the last couple of streets. And you know what? I was perfectly fine. Tired, but fine!

    We had a viewing on the property today we are currently renting and another three tomorrow. :(
    I'm really struggling with this. Apart from the upheaval, I find strangers in my private and personal space very uncomfortable. I struggle with people I know let alone complete strangers.
    The plus side is I wouldn't have been able to handle it at all a few months ago, so at least I can mark it as an achievement.
    Last edited by Carnation; 22-04-19 at 20:52.

  4. #1004
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Congrats on being so much further along than you were a few months ago, and also for continually going back into that restaurant! Not sure I would have been that persistent so you are an inspiration.

    Must be in the air today because I, too, am having a very bad anxiety day. And it's turning into depression and defeat. Of course I've spent most of the day analyzing which of the 20 different factors could be attributing to this bad day, and a few are very valid, but will I ever KNOW why today is so bad? Of course not. Which saddens and defeats me.

    I've been in this dark place before, and I know it will pass, but damn it, how are we supposed to go out and live when we don't know when this stuff will hit or what it causing it so we can help reduce it? Right now I just want to curl up in a ball, not even talk to hubby, and just put a blanket over my head and make the world go away. Like I said, I've been in this place before, and now I'm trying to figure out if there is some sort of cycle I go through, but to what end... even if I figure it out I probably can't control it.

    But having this forum and especially this thread to share our struggles in is SO very helpful. When I first started with panic and anxiety, very little was known about it and I would go from library to library trying to find anything written about it. Doctors weren't sure what was going on with me, which was doubly scary. Anyway, the world has come a long way in recognizing anxiety as a serious, real illness, but on days like this it doesn't make it any easier to live with.

    Hope tomorrow is better for you.
    Sue

  5. #1005
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    So why not curl up with a blanket Sue?
    Do what YOU want to do. Even my therapist does it from time to time.

  6. #1006
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    So why not curl up with a blanket Sue?
    Do what YOU want to do. Even my therapist does it from time to time.

    Hmmmmm.... interesting concept, go with what I feel like doing? I feel like my entire life has been struggling to do things and get through days when I don't feel like it, I don't think I understand this concept of doing what I FEEL like doing. And, if I give into whatever happens to be ailing me, then I will feel like there IS something wrong with me, so instead I fight it and try to act like things are fine and normal.

    Might be a valuable and pleasant lesson to practice!
    Sue

  7. #1007
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Accepting there IS something wrong can be liberating in itself.

    Pretending there isn't is the fixer fighting the past. The past isn't real, only now is real.

  8. #1008
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    So, catching up with my antics yesterday....
    We had three viewings on the rental property we are currently staying in. Two in the morning and one in the afternoon. The first two were a breeze because they didn't like it, so were basically in and out. However, the one in the afternoon did like it and were here, (all five of them) for an hour and a half!
    To make matters worse for me, other half has gone down with gout. He can hardly move with his bad ankle, so it left me running around all day including driving him to and from the doctors. Yes, that's right, I drove, in a car, me, the one who doesn't drive anymore because of panic attacks.
    While all these stresses are going on in my daily life, I am currently haunted that I may fall, collapse, end up at the first post of a breakdown again. I ask myself these questions... "what is too much?" "what is too little?" "why is there so much stress in my life, I don't even work any more?" It seems stress and worry can worm its way through to your daily life no matter what position you are in. It's just there in some firm, whether it's a someone you know causing you grief, the boiler not working properly or the parcel you were expecting has gone missing.
    Si it looks as though stress is part of our daily routine and we just can't get rid of it.
    So if it's here to stay and be in our lives, the only way to alleviate it is through balance.
    If you've had a bad day, then make sure you chill out in the evening. Put your feet up, watch some comedy tv, sit in the garden watching the sunset, treat yourself to a long soak in a bubble bath.
    The other thing is how we deal with stress.
    There's a saying, 'what's the point of worrying over things that you have no control over?' You know stuff like brexit, natural disasters, a friend who won't listen to any advice or someone who won't help themselves, the price of food, growing old.
    We all basically go through the same stuff, it's not personal and we are all born fighters, the instinct to survive. But the instinct to survive should not be so painful. It should be about experiences, learning, adapting, fulfilling, live, caring and compassion.
    In the rat race of life, we forget the purpose of our being and spend most of our time obsessing, worrying and moaning. Have a think about what will make you happy and give you pleasure. Discard anything from your life that causes you grief, that includes family. If a person is just the same in the 20 years you've known them, they are not going to be any different in the next 20 years. Be with people that make you feel good about yourself and do things that you feel comfortable with. Otherwise, what's the point. It's you that suffers and YOU have to come first!

  9. #1009
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Sorry about Mr. C, and consequently the additional stress that is being placed on you. :(

    Yes, apparently stress is a part of everyone's daily life, regardless of their financial status or career status. Granted, I had a lot MORE stress when I was working, and I kept paddling as fast as I could to keep my head above water, the survival instinct. Now that I've been away from the office for about 7 weeks, there is still stress, but a different kind, and I find that the issues that used to be low on my stressor list are now moving up on the list and becoming bigger ones, probably because I now have more time to focus and dwell on them. I was hoping when I stopped working that the big stressors would disappear and the little ones would stay little, but apparently my mind (or maybe everyone's) is wired to look for things to worry about. I haven't learned yet to stress less. :(

    Thanks to this forum, I will try to remember to keep the small stressors SMALL and learn how to live with less stress, rather than finding something to dwell on.

    I went for hypotherapy yesterday and I was very relaxed (and tired) when I left there, so I'm curious to see if things are any different for me today. My main focus during hypnotherapy yesterday was driving on the highway but I haven't tested that yet. When I was leaving his office I pulled up an app on my phone to check the traffic conditions and the traffic was at a standstill on the highway, so yesterday was not a good day to test it. He told me to go try it when I felt ready, no rush, but assured me I would be fine. We shall see!
    Sue

  10. #1010
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I like that Joe, 'the past isn't real, only the now is real'.

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