Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Now I am worrying myself silly and too many restless nights if sleep, because we have to make a journey to Mr C's late mum's house to clear it. The last time I was there was my mum's funeral, so it doesn't have great memories for me, let alone the double whammy of going through his mum's things. I'm getting myself in to a state and to add to the worry Mr C has not been well the last couple of weeks and I am over obsessing that we won't get back!
There's no way I can drive on the motorway and I'm racking my brains to think of every survival tactic during what I see as an ordeal.
I'm not feeling great either with this episode of hayfever which sometimes feels like the flu.
I basically don't want to go, don't want to do the chore in hand and that's not good for someone with anxiety.
Half the battle is wanting to do something and I don't!
So, as hard as I try, I am trying to think of positive reasons for doing this and at the moment the response is there is no one else!
I also haven't travelled far afield for nearly two years now, which doesn't help me at all. I've cocooned myself in a ten mile radius and I even find that challenging.
I know this is something I have to get my head round and use the skills I have learned to get me through, but the worry is the worst. :(

[DustingMyselfOff]

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you that would make your fears magically disappear, but sadly I don't, and unfortunately, you and I both know there is no easy fix for what you're experiencing right now. But please know that I can totally relate to everything you expressed, and you hit on a key point in that forging ahead and challenging ourselves to do something we ultimately WANT to do is hard enough, but when it's not something you even want, the feeling of dread and fear is magnified. Your reason of "there's no one else to do it" is making you feel trapped on top of all the anxieties.

So first, are you absolutely certain that you are the only people who can do this? If you don't do it, what will happen? Is there perhaps someone you could hire to do this for you? If not, and if you and Mr. C. absolutely have to do this, I know you will find the strength to get through it, and I also know that it's not going to be as bad as you think, but more importantly, you are going to feel SO GOOD when it's done, and so liberated that you have expanded your 10 mile radius, and you will be excited to try other adventures outside of your cocoon.

Is there a timeline or a deadline as to when this has to be done? Can it wait until both you and Mr. C. are feeling better so that he can do the driving?

I'm so sorry for you because I can feel my adrenaline and anxiety rising as I think about your task at hand, and it sucks! But as you said in a previous post, everything happens for a reason, so focus on that theory right now and know that this will turn out the way it's supposed to. Something tells me there is a positive reward waiting for you at the end of this task, and I can't wait to hear about it.
Sue

[Carnation]

Thanks Sue. It makes me think that we are on the same page. Every suggestion has crossed my mind too.
And I do always say that you have options in life and nothing is set in stone.
I try to avoid anything fearful for the symptoms increasing in anxiety and the thoughts of returning to the point that stole my life in the first place.
So, my situation is not exactly straightforward.
There is no one else to do the task in hand and a lot of the clearing involves some personal stuff of Mr Cs.
As for when we go. We need to do this sooner rather than later as time is running out.
I've already shortened the trip and delayed it.
The work involved is huge and I am not looking forward to it one bit. We have a cat in tow for the journey and stay and I even worry about that.
I know I will end up doing most of the work and even if Mr C turns into Superman, I will still be in that stressful zone.
And that's not even taking in to account the car journey there and back.
Because of my car accident, I play hawkeye on any journey. It's exhausting, so I tend to avoid any long journeys.
All the worry is giving me sleepless nights, twitching muscles, and those sharp pains in the head that warn us we are under stress.
I have days of this on the run up to the date and I know that anticipatory anxiety is the worst and I say that to others.
And I still remain as not wanting to go and anxiety has latched on to it.
So my plan is to break it down in to sections.
1. The preparation of going.
2. The journey there.
3. The duration there and work involved.
4. The journey back.
5. The aftermath.
I'm currently moving in to a new property as well, so I am having to adapt to that.
The new bed arrived this morning and the driver gave me half an hours notice to get there. I did it, but I don't like it when I don't have time to prepare
I'm very much a person that likes things to work clockwork and doesn't thrive on uncertainty.
I hope for a positive result, but I'd still rather not be doing it all. I'm running out of excuses and time.
This is causing me more stress than moving home.
Sometimes it just doesn't make sense.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Friggin' anxiety!!!!!! I get so angry that things which seem so common and simple to some people are so excruciating for us, and it's physical as well as emotional. Anxiety, as you know better than anyone, manifests in so many physical ways, making whatever task you're trying to tackle even harder. Ugh, so maddening.

How many miles away is the destination? Any chance you can take all side roads rather than the highway, even if it takes twice as long? Perhaps it's time to get a prescription for tranquilizers and use them - BE KIND TO YOURSELF! It sounds like this is going to happen so I guess it's time to get angry, accept it, and get it over with. The sooner you go the less anticipatory anxiety you'll have and the sooner you can get to your "after trauma crash".

Even though one would think the trips to my daughter's house to see grandkids would be one that I WANT to go on, honestly, and I could only share this on this forum, I would rather not see them very often than have to go through the grueling process of visiting. And I'm anxious for weeks ahead of time so by the time I finally head for the airport I've already had enough. If misery loves company, then you should be very happy because I feel your misery. :(
Sue

[Carnation]

It's a 3 hour journey each way on a good run and most of it on motorways. Almost impossible to take the B roads and it would mean adding on another hour on the journey.
I know the route well. I've done it hundreds of times in the past, on my own and in the dark.
Now, it's a different story for me. I suffered PTSD after a car went into the back of mine and pushed me across a roundabout and writ off my car completely!
I was in a daze at the time and had a delayed reaction to the crash. So long journeys and cars are not my chosen pleasure.
What makes it worse is Mr C has been ill and has a habit of dropping off to sleep, which means I have to keep him very alert at all times. That in itself is exhausting!

You are so right Sue about 'normal' people not knowing how difficult something is for someone with anxiety.
A few days ago I ventured in to a shop and the assistant asked if I was in pain pointing at my amber necklace.
I've been wearing amber everyday since I found out it can help with anxiety and now at a point where I can't not wear it incase my anxiety worsens.
"No", I replied. "I suffer with anxiety".
"Do you", she said. "i would never have guessed as you always seem so confident and bubbly".
Well, you could have knocked me for six with that response.
To the outside world we appear normal, but inside we feel the burden of our life's battering and suffering.

But don't let my present dilemma make you think it's a no hope scenario. I've been free from it all at times, but life has a habit of chucking more grit in your face.

I'm a fighter and a survivor and I will put in every coping technique and safety options I can think of.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yup. Most people think I am the most extroverted, confident, vibrant person they have ever met. I am the life of the party wherever I go and exude happiness and calm. When I said to my doctor a few months ago "I just want this anxiety to stop so I can be a vibrant, energetic, happy person enjoying life to it's fullest" she said "Ask anyone who works in this office - they all think you are the most pleasant, easy-going, happy patient we have." So I think that is part of our anxiety: we work so hard at trying to LOOK normal, which just adds to the stress of getting through an event.

This may be a long shot, but might you have a chance to visit a hypnotherapist before your journey? Believe it or not, my one session worked, and I just pray and hope that the effect lasts a long time. I have been getting on the highway every day since my hypnosis session just to test it, and not only am I not having a panic attack, I am almost enjoying it. Or maybe try some home hypnosis? I think there are probably videos on YouTube, as long as you find a provider that is credible.

Whatever happens, you and I both know it will all go fine. The intelligent part of us knows that. The emotional part? That takes a lot longer to convince. :(
Sue

[Carnation]

That's brilliant news Sue
It just proves it is a mental thing and not a physical worry like those thoughts, "Am I about to die!"

Well, I'm making preparations to go on Saturday, even though I must have said to Mr C dozens of times, "Is there any way we can put this off or get someone else to do it?"
You can guess the answer.
I've even admitted my fears and how it is affecting my anxiety. But with only two days to go, I am preparing to make the trip.
I'm not just about packing. I already know what meals I am having on which day. In my head I am setting aside time for my meditation and relaxation.
I'm more worried about getting back and Mr C having another attack of gout when we are there. He's not actually fully recovered, so I'm sending him for a blood test tomorrow, so any hint of normality will be enough to postpone the trip.

We spent today at our new place as there are lots to do with getting it ready. Another reason was because the TV cupboard had arrived in the form of a flat pack.
I know Darksky, you did warn me about these things m
4 hours later and the damn thing is still not put together. The first 2 hours were a waste of time because we had 2 pieces around the wrong way and had to take the whole thing to bits again.
And after two tea breaks and a slice of apple cake, it still no where together.
Had to leave it in the end as the air was becoming blue and our backs were aching kneeled on the floor from reading the teeny weeny instructions.
I also managed to cut two lawns while waiting for Mr C to sort out the bits which seemed to fill the whole room.
Anyway, it certainly took my mind off of anxiety for a while.

Hypnotism? not sure it would work for me. But I don't rule it out.
I do have a bit of success with tapping and have a pretty full bag of coping skills.
But my fear is particularly about worrying about stuff that hasn't happened or might happen. Either of us becoming ill, even dying, car accident / breaking down, really bad thoughts of bad things happening. These are the things that keep me awake at night with worry. I drive myself in to a horrendous whirlpool of worry and then anxiety latches on to it.
But then again, these obsessive thoughts haunt me in my own home.
I have adapted a 'Go for it anyway' attitude. Otherwise you become a prisoner of your mind and live like a goldfish in a bowl.
But I never envisaged my life would be like this.
And I won't give up hope or stop trying.

[Darksky]

You do what I do....break stuff down into bite sized chunks. I actually write it on a list which goes in my bag. As I do each segment I get a pen and cross it off. It gives a sense of achievement when you see the list getting shorter.

[Carnation]

Hi Darksky
I actually have lists for my lists.
How's your end going? I'm referring to your move, not your personal attributes.

I'm in the process of preparing for this trip that I still don't want to do. The forecast for the travelling looks like it will be hell on earth. Strong winds, heavy rain, hail, high UV. :(
So, I could delay yet another day, which means working harder when I am there condensing six days into three.
Mr C has as much energy as a sloth on a bad day.
We went to get his blood test yesterday and they couldn't get any blood, so have to go back and try again.
My thoughts on Mr C being ill when we are away are feeding my anxiety, as well as my anxiety crippling my abilities to get through it.
I am just going to have to take it one step and day at a time. What else can you do?
In past experiences I've had more funny turns relaxing than being in a stressful or scary situation.
Anxiety with me seems to be more about a pro reaction.
I think most of us are built with coping and surviving mechanisms as part of our make-up.
It's when you stop to smell the roses that something comes up and bites you on the bum!
But we do have to rest, you can't keep going like a conveyor belt.
It's like anything. You have to ease off gently.
Like a motor that's been running for a long time. When you turn it off it will still be vibrating and cooling down.
You wouldn't drive a car for 12 hours solid, so why treat our bodies that way. But we do. We keep pushing ourselves like we are always running out of time.
Most of the time we are not living, we are working our way through a list and although I favour lists for things like shopping, packing and to help our memories. We shouldn't have lists on how to live our lives.
The do what you feel like completely goes out the window.
We become too robotic in today's society.
Talking of that, we are spending the afternoon finishing the flat pack we started two days ago.
We still have 11 pieces left to attach, about 40 screws and other bits that look like they don't go anywhere.
I'm going to be selfish today. I'm going to leave Mr C to it while I lie on my new bed reading my new book I purchased yesterday about more ways of dealing with anxiety and staying calm.

[WiredIncorrectly]

I love your posts Carnatiion. They've helped me out many times when I've had panic attacks to calm me down. Enjoy your relaxing day I hate flat packs. The wife always does them because I end up throwing the screwdriver up the wall.