Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Darksky]

Half an hour! I don't think I could stand talking to anyone for half an hour, anxiety or not. I'm just not that sociable

im going to try and memorise some of those get outs. I know it's running away, which we are told not to do. But we also have to be kind to ourselves. Stay and chat for as long as you can, then excuse yourself. So you've done the chat but left before it got too bad.

we had the cows out last night. They escaped (again) from the field over the lane and went thundering passed our gates onto the road. So then it was a dash onto the road to stop the traffic and try to turn them. I phoned the farmer and told him to bring his dog, then someone phoned the police, queues of traffic, and a herd of cows liberally splattering the road with poop. Then once back up the lane, they got into someones garden and trampled it and ate everything in sight, while dropping even more poop. Fortunately we had the foresight to close our gates. It rapidly turned into a rodeo with Mr. D doing his best John Wayne impersonation. I left the police and the farmer to sort it out and went in to cook tea. But the dog walk was interesting later on, trying to avoid the repainted roads. Never a dull moment.

[Buster70]

You might want to avoid using “ putting the chicken in the oven “ as an excuse to leave and get home , hopefully the vicar isn’t familiar with the urban dictionary’s meaning of that phrase

[Carnation]

Buster, whatever he thought, it worked!

Darksky, is it wrong to find your 'cow' story hilarious?
I've such a vivid imagination and could see that in a 'Father Ted' episode or 'The Vicar of Dibley'. (think I must have a thing about vicars at the moment.)
It reminded me of when we had our pub which was nearby to a river and beyond that was a field of cows.
I was taking a rare break from my duties and wandered up to the riverside and could see something large in the river which definitely wasn't a boat. (you know where this is going). Yes, it was a cow that had fallen in the river and like yourself, called the farmer and the police and what an operation that was and I really couldn't believe it. I'd never seen anything like it before. The cow must have been chewing away not realising the drop back to the field and slid in to the water. And it wasn't the first time this had happened, apparently it does occur a lot!
Anyway, your story certainly had me in stitches and I was visualising Gertrude and her mob with flowers in her hair adorning a cheeky grin on a mission to have one of the best meals ever!

Yesterday was very eventful for me.
We'd arranged for the piano to be moved over yesterday and the first thing that set off my anxiety was a phone call moving the time from late afternoon to just after lunch.
This sort of thing always hypes up the anxiety because I like to know the days schedule and we had to have an early lunch and it throws my OCD in to more of a tiz.
Not only that, I'm a stickler for following the weather forecast and noticed it was pouring of rain then. Rain equals possible thunder and lightening , so wasn't too happy about that either.
Then they were late by nearly a half an hour. (I'm another stickler for time keeping).
So, all in all, I think I must have lost a couple of pounds in weight with all my pacing and stomach churning yesterday. But the piano is here, all safe and sound and job done!

The other thing I did yesterday and this was completely off the spur of the moment. I went for a walk. What's special about that, you might ask.
On my own! Just a reminder, I'm monophobic, a fear of being on my own, going out on my own and haven't done this for about a couple of years, probably longer.
Albeit a short walk and only to the end of the street and back, I did it.
I felt no symptoms, was only momentarily spooked that I was actually doing it and felt a great achievement and pride that I could.
I'm not saying I'm eager to expand on that immediately or say I'm cured, but it's something I can build on for sure.

[Darksky]

You can definately build on that, when you are ready. But I bet it won't be long. The feeling of achievement and personal pride is totally addictive. You want to feel it again and again. Have you thought of walking with your phone to your ear, chatting to Mr.C. You can be alone but not totally, if you see what I mean. You can tell him where you are, he can encourage you. Tell him you're turning for home now and he can watch your arrival down the street from the window. You may have already done this, it just occurred to me that's all


i like dogs for this reason. They demand to be walked, even the little ones and I think you are never alone walking a dog. I talk to mine all the time and you never look totally mad because it's obvious you're chatting to your dog. They trust you to get them home and keep them safe which all adds to the determination to do your job of walking.

Im a bit like that with timing. I like lunch at a certain time and tea too. We're weird

so, just finishing my lunch and then I'm off to get some bath sealant. Not B& Q again... I hear you cry! I'm afraid so. I really am thinking of buying shares in that shop.

[Carnation]

That's a brilliant idea Darksky, I'll give that a go next time.

I've always wanted a dog, but we have a cat that also suffers with anxiety, but never say never.

Oh, what are you up to now Darksky? You're making your house so good you won't want to leave.

[Carnation]

Another interesting day yesterday.....
Mr C and I both thought it would be a good idea to take a break away from opening boxes and cupboard filling.
So we planned to spend the afternoon in town.
When I say good idea, as an anxiety sufferer I'm never sure how this is going to pan out and a good idea can very well turn out to be a bad experience.
But never a defeatist off we go to venture the town.
It was a perfect temperature for me, 17c and I had my usual lists of needed items and another list of which shops to go to. Anxiety can be surprisingly confusing to the brain and I have gone out in the past and completely forgot what I was supposed to be getting or even going.
Without boring you with all the finer details I managed 12 shops yesterday and 4 of those wasn't even on the list.
And to my amazement I felt no anxiety in any of them and dare I say it, I actually enjoyed it.
A total of 4 hours and even managed to go in to a clothes shop and try something on in one of those changing rooms with a mirror that normally makes you look like you've just come out of hospital, but I made a point of looking at myself and smiling that the item I took in fitted and made me look as if I'd gained some sort of shape to my body.
I went mad and tried on a pair of shoes as well and as they felt like wearing nothing but air, I bought those too.
What a happy person I felt and anxiety had no look in whatsoever. I wasn't exhausted, but injected with life!
I'm fully aware that yesterday's experience may not be as successful next time, but just to have an afternoon of not feeling terrible and like a cat in the headlights does prove that life can be enjoyable at times and more importantly, anxiety is NOT a permanent state.


I've been through a large amount of those so called self-help books and I've read a fair amount of them. If I'm honest, I've not finished some of them because they are either too complexed, too boring or not even helpful to my normal day to day life.
But what I have found in most of them are those ultimate questions that never seem to get answered......
How did I get it? How can I carry on living with it? How do I get rid of it?
Isn't that basically the crux of buying these books in the first place? Yeah, there are other fillers which can be helpful like reassurance to your symptoms being anxiety and not something life threatening and where can I get help that doesn't cost the earth and why does my GP seem inadequate to help me and yes, there are a lot of questions with seemingly no answers.
Even a therapist can leave you feeling perplexed. "Eh, I've just paid £50 for a 45 minute chat and I'm still none the wiser"
This lack of help and knowledge can be just as demeaning as anxiety itself.
With a growing population of living with anxiety which is basically epidemic proportions, something needs to be done! At least in the way of provisions and especially in understanding.
Example....
On the phone to X. X says, "can you come for an appointment at such an such time?". Anxiety sufferer's reply, "eh, don't think so, I have anxiety and don't travel". X then replies, "but can you make next Thursday morning?" Anxiety sufferer replies with a sigh and probably a flushed face, "no, I would find that difficult, I suffer with anxiety". X then says, "when could you come?" By this time the anxiety sufferer has given up all hope of 'X' understanding the situation or what anxiety actually means and either puts the phone down or makes some excuse to get off the phone muttering some excuse and calling them back later.
It's belittling and frustrating and more importantly damn right ignorant.
Businesses have facilities and training for the disabled, deaf and blind, why is there not any help for anxiety sufferers. The only one that springs to mind is the dentist. But surely appointments at your local surgery and hospital should be up there on the list of priorities. If nothing else, the waiting time, hanging around could prevent a high anxiety state or even more importantly, a panic attack.
No, society makes us worse. I have no doubt that if clear and helpful information and provisions were available, we would ALL be in a much better place.

[Carnation]

Just to add to my last post, these are some of things that I think need to be changed to help with panic anxiety....
All public toilets should not have doors that are completely shut in from floor to ceiling, there should be a gap below and above.
All offices and public building rooms should have a window and not be the size of an oversized cupboard.
Every shop should have a chair or seat and be able to provide a glass of water. (M & S already do this and have a first aider on site).
Doctors appointments should be made at a time with less waiting time.
All cafes and restaurants should have an outside area with doors accessible front and back for quick access.
All towns should have benches for sitting placed in regular spots.
More public toilets in shops, (anxiety has been proven to make you go to the loo 4x as much and at short notice as opposed to a normal person).
I could go on, but just a few changes would make our lives easier to manage.

[Fishmanpa]

Carnation... while I've followed the thread I've not actually commented. These last two posts are interesting. My daughter has expressed similar sentiments on various scenarios. I see and hear what you're saying and I know its just wishful thinking on your part but you know it won't happen. Roughly 10% of the world's population suffers from some type of anxiety. Society is what it is and unfortunately for sufferers, it won't change to accommodate that. You have to continue to do what you've been doing and push the boundaries of your anxiety as I believe all that sufferers must do. You may not see the world but a tour of a few countries is better than sitting in the house looking at pictures

Positive thoughts

[Carnation]

I appreciate your comments fishmanpa, especially as you speak words of wisdom on many a subject.
I posted those comments more as a message to anyone who thinks they may be alone in their fears.
Yes, it would be considerate if a retail outlet or company considers the problems that anxiety sufferers have to endure. Anything small is a way forward in the right direction. I'm also aware that my posting is on view to the big wide world and you never know who's reading.
I totally agree with you that in the meantime, we carry on and push the boundaries so that we can live as opposed to survive and maybe one day in the future there will be consideration and allowances.

[Carnation]

There's one thing I've found with anxiety, it's exhausting!
The days I push myself to conquer a fear, it will take a couple of days to regain my strength.
But I use the less gruelling days to my advantage and catch up on what I call more lazy chores or familiar duties.
There's no bound rules to what you do or don't do in life.
You are in control of your actions and well being.
And if you look at it like being an athlete, after a hard race, they have recuperation time and anxiety is a lot like that.
I tire easily because I push the boundaries.
In fact I've been pushing the boundaries for most of my life even before anxiety came in to play.
Working long hours, stressful travelling, socialising to the early hours of the morning, taking on too much and attending everything I was asked to.
It's not only anxiety that makes you stop and think, "I don't really want to do that", it comes with getting older too and you adapt the courage to say "No". There are hundreds of plausible excuses you can use and if the occasion is something you can be completely honest about, you are entitled to say things like, "I'm not keen, have no interest, don't feel comfortable, find it upsetting......"
For example, when Mr C's mum went into a care home, I was still struggling with my own mum's passing.
My other half visited everyday at first and it was pulling me down in to a deep depression. So I explained this to my partner and he understood, but I didn't want him to change what he needed. So, for some of the days I would wait outside in the grounds and his mum noticed this and felt sorry for me, although I was quite happy to do that, but Mr C realised that visits every day was not necessary or beneficial to any of us. And after a while the visits changed to 2-3 visits a week. And then we actually had time to do things and talk about them to his mum.
Parents always want their children to be happy and safe, no matter what age they are or what condition they are in. Whatever has happened in the past or going on in the present, there is a strong deep bond, even if it is never expressed to you, that a mother or father will feel about their son or daughter.
It took me a long time to realise this and as I glimpse in to my past of episodes of falling out, cross words, grudges, disagreements, even selfishness, in the end I knew that my parents wishes was for me to be happy and safe.
And although it is a delicate subject for so many and my eyes well up as I say these things, we ALL need to know we are loved and cared for. So, even in your darkest times of family feuds and what seems uncomfortable times, deep down there will be emotions of tender love and care.

Right, let's get back to life's bridges.
I attempted some of those boxes again. (next time I'm going to use cases, just the site of a box feels me with terror.
I'm strangely enjoying finding things I haven't seen for years and on the other hand I'm doing a ruthless decluttering. This is a long process and my wheelie bin will only take so much per fortnight. (whatever happened to the weekly collection?)
I did have a drama moment which ended in tears when I couldn't find my dad's drawings that I safely packed a month ago. So safe, I couldn't find them.
We collect a lot of sentimental stuff which has no place in the home but remains shut away in cupboards and drawers for decades! So a lot of it I'm taking pictures of and letting go. Most of it I don't need, has no place and even makes me feel sad. It's a long job, but in a way, it's like vacuuming my mind.
The other thing we seem to want to do in our time as human beings is achieve, make our mark, fulfil our lives with a purpose and this is important for our soul.
We have to keep those thoughts alive, even if they may seem impossible, because it is those thoughts that will keep you going and to a certain extent fill you with life.
I might have said before that I am not keen on bucket lists because they have an end. You don't want an end in your brain. It is much healthier and more inspiring to grab the moment or act on a situation that arises, even the spur of the moment. It's all living in the now.
I quite believe that things happen for a reason and I like to believe in fate, but it doesn't mean you can't take the bull by the horns and go for something and leave the dragon, (anxiety) at home puffing away in solitude.
But for now, I'm back to those boxes.