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Thread: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

  1. #111
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Another 'Trying Day' for me..........

    And.........
    My partner who also suffers with anxiety, but in a different form to me, had what he calls 'poison coming out of his skin'. Not literally poison of course, that is his terminology for the red blotches that suddenly appear all over his body when he gets over stressed. At least he knows what it is and why it occurs.

    He was like this because he had found out by way of post that his mum had an mental assessment without him being present.
    The Social Services are fond of doing this. Why? I have no idea, but Mr C was raging all over the house this morning and then the red blotches came out.
    The human body can react in the most strangest of ways under stress and worry.
    It is actually it's way of coping and releasing anything bad.

    I woke up this morning far too early and couldn't get back to sleep.
    My Mind was whirling around with worry, worry, worry!
    Unfortunately my Mindfulness techniques didn't work very well as soon as I became in the present, I was back in the past seconds later, so I eventually gave up and left my Mind to run riot. I was just too tired to fight it.

    I had a 'couldn't be bothered' day today.
    I hate these days, because I have to push myself to do just the basics in the day and then I feel I have wasted my day and then feel lazy and pathetic.
    No, I am not pathetic, I am worthy!
    That's one of the things you say to yourself when you are 'tapping'.
    I even felt I couldn't do that as my head felt delicate and at one point I imagined my brain was burning! How could it be burning, like some sort of combustion moment?
    Think I watched to many horror movies in my youth.

    It's quite amazing what you can imagine with anxiety. Like a real life nightmare.
    I always had a vivid imagination as a child and used to imagine faces in my bedroom curtains and a monster under my bed.
    Now, I just think everything could kill me from eating eggs, (my phobia), to catching every disease. I have become so intent on survival and keeping safe, that I am aware of any small detail that could infect me or end my life.

    Health Anxiety is a hard one to overcome.
    Even if you get the all clear from the Doc, within a few months/weeks/days, you start thinking and obsessing again about what might be wrong with you or what could kill you. It's like an M.O.T. 100% for that day and as the year goes on, you start to fret whether it will pass again.
    I hate living my life like this and I do my upmost to try and just live and not worry, but as soon as I hear of some illness someone has got or a pain in the body; Bang! Here we go again.
    Then I look at my partner's mum who is 92, nothing wrong with her and enjoying life with her good sense of humour despite being stuck in a wheelchair or bed.
    Maybe that's the answer. Humour. They say that laughing, smiling and playing like a child keeps you young and healthy.
    Maybe that's why Bob Hope lived to 100! Cracking jokes and playing golf.

    Why is it so hard to control the Mind. Have you ever realised how much stuff runs through your brain when you are making dinner, having a bath or lying in bed.
    If you count a day's worth of thoughts and worries, it would run in to hundreds!
    So, this is why meditation is very good at giving your brain a rest. We rest our bodies, but not our brains.
    I really can't recommend it enough. And if you have never done it before and think it be a bit weird or strange, it can be as simple as just sitting and listening to the birds whistling as you breath gently in and out.
    There's so many great apps you can follow online.

    Until next time............

    ---------- Post added at 21:53 ---------- Previous post was at 21:47 ----------

    Hi Buster, I had to look up CBD Oil; never heard of it before.
    I hope you bought it from a trustworthy source and not from some dodgy Chinese supplier. I know you like a bargain, but this is not something you want to get on the cheap. Hope to hear from you tomorrow.........

  2. #112
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Quote Originally Posted by Carnation View Post
    at one point I imagined my brain was burning! How could it be burning, like some sort of combustion moment?
    Think I watched to many horror movies in my youth.
    Never say NEVER!
    __________________
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  3. #113
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I certainly don't KK.

  4. #114
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Got the cbd oil from a bloke called dodgy Dave in the nags head car park but he had an honest face so it should be ok I'd never heard of it two weeks ago but a mate told me his Mrs takes it and it works wonders or at least she thinks it does same thing really, looked into it and there are loads of positive reviews, it's not illegal like anything with thc in it , I need to be in the right state of mind before I try it or I'll just panic and imagine it's making me worse , the attitude of I'll try anything once is what got me in this mess so maybe it's the way out as well .
    I got it from holland and barratt really and she said they sell about 100 bottles a week and run out every week , I wouldn't chance the stuff they have on fleabay could be anything.
    Take care .

  5. #115
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    A better day today, despite not having a good night's sleep again!
    For some reason, I am waking up about 6.30am and can not get back to sleep again.
    Once awake, I lie there worrying about so much that I end up trying to suffocate my brain with my pillow.
    Then as soon as I get up, I am the obsessing about how tired and pale I look and then think I have to go at snail's pace all day in case I faint from lack of sleep.
    The thoughts and worries just go on and on.......

    Eventually I ventured out. I had planned to go to a 'Secret Sale' this afternoon, which is an event that consists of goods that are sold at slashed prices, normally old season stock or soiled goods. This was being held at a local hall and I have to say that I was nervous about going anyway. Firstly, because I was tired and secondly because I was venturing in to the unknown.

    Well, I've never known anything like it. When we arrived at the venue, there was a queue that trailed all the way down the street as if there was a new release of yet another 'Harry Potter' book. Obviously no where to park, so we had to park about a quarter of a mile away from the place. This turned out to be a blessing in disguise as by the time we walked back, the queue had disappeared and we could just go straight in. Queuing is something I just don't do.
    On entering the venue I could see a massive crowd in front of me, which filled the hall to it's rafters. My God, it looked like Primark on the first day of opening.
    Not to be deterred, I made my way to try and get in, because remember, I am trying to face my phobias and fears.
    It was awful. Pushing, shoving, poking. Stabbed 4 times by a coat hanger, toes were crushed by stranger's feet and ladies handbags shoved in my face.
    I don't have to tell you that I wanted to get out, a good reason would be that I couldn't get in!
    So, I stood by the doorway and just watched the vultures at work.
    This was a great test for my anxiety and panic. There must have been about 200 hundred people there and there was little me venturing in to this amazon of monsters.
    I got in, didn't quite know what to do, so pretended to look interested in the goods.
    Something must have clicked in my brain, because I quickly became like these people and started to pick up bargains with glee and joined in the fiasco.
    I am not a fan of shopping and this was a test for me in more ways than one, but I was feeling very proud of getting this far.

    When I looked back at the exit, which is normally a cue to run, I didn't, I stayed. For a full 2 hours! There was a queue for the till about 50 people long and in the distance I heard a lady shout out, "I've got to get out of here, I suffer with Panic attacks"!
    I rushed over to her and touched her arm and said, "So do I and we should both be proud that we are in here at all" She smiled and we started chatting, totally unaware of anyone else in the room.
    So that was my proud moment today.

    So when I read that overcoming anxiety is by facing your fears and phobias, I certainly believed it today.

    Until next time............

    ---------- Post added at 22:55 ---------- Previous post was at 22:51 ----------

    Buster, did you get the 'Buy one and get the second one half price?' Or even better, a penny? Or is it, 'Buy three and get one free'?

  6. #116
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I must admit that I steer well clear of all sales and events where intrepid shoppers will gather-there is something about sales which bring out the worst in people ie stampedes and chaos! You did very well to survive intact, Carnation! Did you manage to bag a few bargains yourself?

    I hate clothes shopping for myself and have to be in the right mood to be able to choose anything. I'll have to steel myself soon and get a few basics for Summer but will choose a quiet time and do it as quickly as possible!

  7. #117
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Well done on hanging around at the sale , I've seen quite a few fights breakout at sales , men and women , once saw two men arguing over an old camera one picked it up and smashed it in the others face and ran off , maybe your sales are a bit more tame , it definitely does bring out the very worst in people, greed and anger but then we all like a bargain .
    Pulisa what's not to like about clothes shopping ? Standing in a well lit white box surrounded by mirrors to show you how you've let yourself go in detail , then having the walk of shame as you exit the box and hang up the jeans that were to small walking past the 17 year skinny assistant, straight to the cake shop .

  8. #118
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Carnation you should be so proud of yourself!! That must have been very tough and yet you stayed and for 2 hours too And fancy you meeting that other woman. I wonder how many others were in there too who suffer the same but didn't feel up to stepping forward?
    __________________
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  9. #119
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Pulisa, I don't know what possessed me to go in the first place really.
    But, if I wanted to put my anxiety to the test, it certainly did that!
    Mr C got a pair of trousers for £5 and I got one of those Country hats, (old man's cap), for a fiver too. So, was it worth it? NO! But, worth it to help my phobias.

    Buster, there were no fights, but quite a bit of shoving and pushing.
    It was more of a 'middle class' type of sale. Although I hate the class thing.
    I agree with my late dad's saying; 'If you have to work, then you are working class'.
    If I had my way, I would do away with the class thing altogether.
    We all wear the same skin and start and end at the same place.

    So, waking this morning after a good 8 hours sleep and feeling a bit battered from yesterday's stampede. I was ready to face a new day.

    I forgot to mention that my acid reflux has been a lot better recently after my diet change, which actually allowed me to indulge in some fish and chips tonight.
    Another bloody queue, but got chatting to a woman in the queue and didn't run away or look at the floor as I usually do, so the time went much quicker.

    Adrenalin has calmed down today, a few flushes, walking was good, focus was good, so generally not a bad day from anxiety.
    The nagging thoughts of worry and past events is the thing that haunts me the most.
    Worries of the future and trying to stay in the present, definitely need some work.
    I'm not expecting this to be cured quickly. A lifetime of events and ongoing stresses, could take some serious re-wiring and re-thinking.
    The trouble is, the brain gets lazy and we operate mostly on auto pilot.
    Have you ever been in the kitchen and put something in the fridge that doesn't belong there or switched the kettle on with no water in it, mislaid your keys which was only a hour ago or taken a wrong turn because you go there so much, but didn't mean to this time?
    Even with eating. We fork stuff in to our mouths, forget to chew properly and then you have choking fits and wonder why.
    We need to exercise our brains like our bodies. We need to be aware of what we are doing, not in a robotic state, but an alert state. This prevents our subconscious minds from jumping in reminding us of a conversation we had with someone yesterday, or thinking about a driver that annoyed us when they wouldn't let us out or forgetting the bread that we went out for.
    Lists! Are brilliant. Relieve the brain and unclog it by writing lists.
    Not just for shopping, anything that will help the brain relax a bit.
    Get a board on the wall for any appointments or mark the diary on your phone.
    Lists for chores, goals, reminders for relaxation time, what programmes you want to watch. Lists are a godsend.

    Until next time............

    ---------- Post added at 23:39 ---------- Previous post was at 23:33 ----------

    Hi fishman65
    Sheer amazement on my part.
    I am hoping to meet up with the lady I met, so something good came out of it too.

  10. #120
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I had a busy day today, which included an invitation to a neighbour's house to meet with other neighbours for tea. This was a concern for me as I had turned down three past invitations to go because of social anxiety; basically making a fool of myself and wanting to run away or saying something stupid because of getting tongue tied.
    This time I went. After the pleasantries of saying, "hello, hello, hello, nice to meet you" and so on, I grabbed the chair nearest to me. I was handed a cup of tea which I couldn't put down anywhere so had to do my hardest to keep it steady in my hand. Then I was handed some cake, so now both hands were in a balancing act with no room to either drink the tea or eat the cake. After a lot of fumbling, I managed to put the tea on the cake plate and rest it on my lap. And this is all in the first 5 minutes of being there.
    Now for the small chat. Not my forte at all. I know, the weather. That killed all of 2 minutes, so I start looking around the room at the objects in the house. There were ten of us in the house, so it was quite daunting for me. There were several conversations going on between them all and because I was not involved in any of them, I started to fidget. I felt like Kenny Everett and kept crossing my legs from one to the other. Then I was caught off guard and someone asked me a question. It was like being back at school when you were not paying attention.
    I have to be honest, I found it extremely hard to pay attention to what was going on, keep still, not say anything stupid and not run. I was even thinking the tea and the sugar rush from the cake would give me an adrenalin rush and make me worse, but I drank and eat it all. Remember, I am facing my phobias.
    About an hour and half later, someone was making a move to leave and there was my cue. "Thank God", I thought. Relief at last. I can't say I enjoyed it tremendously, but I felt a bit more normal and I achieved my goal of sitting it out. So, I am chuffed with myself.

    An event like this can make you feel totally drained. Like you have been on a 'all night rave.' (Not that I have been on a 'all night rave', but can imagine the feeling).
    It's so exhausting; mentally and physically.

    I've got to say that my head felt woozy today, like I've downed half a bottle of wine before venturing out. It's funny how I feel like this and others can't detect it.
    I feel as if I am staggering and swaying and my eyes are going their separate ways.
    The thought of falling or passing out enters my head, but I always manage to get to my destination, mainly through sheer determination and perseverance.

    I woke with palpations this morning. You know that thumping of the heart beat in your ears. Even rubbing my ears and sticking my fingers in them doesn't alter the sound, but it does go away in it's own time. This is the feeling you sometimes get when you lean forward or put your head down, but today I was upright and not doing anything at all. My logic has put this down to my sinuses. That's what I am going to stick with, otherwise I start to panic.

    No hot flushes today, even though the house had a roaring log fire going in the room and on the hottest day of the year so far. My eyes must have been like saucers when I clocked the heat flaming in to the room as I walked in.

    Muscles have been twitching and in the most unexplainable regions.
    Dare I say, the bum? Why on earth there? Don't think I want to know the answer to that one anyway. Normally I get them around the torso area, so this is a new one for me.

    Tomorrow, I have yet another engagement. We are taking our neighbour for a Sunday Roast with a half an hour drive each way and to a place I have never bee before.
    I could quite easily just stay in bed and just grab a sandwich, but I've changed this arrangement a couple of times already, so best get it over with.
    Terrible to think like this, but it is the truth. I'm not the woman I use to be.
    If this goes well, I going to give myself a well deserved pat on the back; if that is possible?

    So, until tomorrow...........

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