Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Darksky]

Thank you Mrs.C for your support

ive ordered some of those Fortecreme for her, just to tide her over before she can get in at the doctors. My eyes are still watering at the price I hope she can eat them. She can't tolerate milk either at the minute. The list is getting smaller and smaller. I too think she's on the way to an op. Whether they will deal with the hernia or the stricture I don't know. The hernia gives her the acid but the stricture is stopping her eating. Either way, it will be a waiting game with waiting lists. Although personally I think she's an urgent case, how long can you go not eating properly and losing weight like she is? So we just have to wait for the results to come through because until they have proof as to what she's got, they won't start any treatment. Even though she has her copy.....

I actually quite fancy a walk in wet room. My BIL has one. Hopefully soon they will get to the relative peace of tiling it but at least you're now blocking it out. Again, it will end. Unless of course she starts to open plan the downstairs and starts knocking the whole place through

had a mad dash to the wildlife rescue the other day. One of the cats bought back a three part grown rabbit. Getting prey off a cat is not easy it had cuts round it's neck but i don't think they were deep. They gave him some antibiotics and he joined the dozens of other rabbits they had. I imagine it's a lovely place to volunteer but I'm too soft and couldn't cope with any deaths which I'm sure there would be plenty of. I can't even watch wildlife programmes without a cushion to hide behind. Although I admit the other day I watched Serengeti with Sam the cat. He was transfixed with all the lions and was quiet for an hour.

Not liking this humidity much at all. It saps your energy doesn't it? Hate to mention the R word but round here we could do with a drop. Watering pots loses its appeal after a while. Oh and one of the dogs pulled out Mr.D s tomato plants and dragged them across the yard. Plenty of swearing going on during replanting. Not sure we're going to get the bumper crop he hoped for. Still, there's plenty in Sainsbury's

Have you heard anything from Buster? It's been a while since he's been on. I do appreciate people want breaks from online stuff but I like him a lot and well, you know what it's like...worrying

[Carnation]

I forgot to mention the price of the forticreme, its a bit of shock, but it certainly replaces those much needed vitamins when you are not eating.
Darksky you can go along time with not eating properly, but obviously it's not good for the body in general and fluids are a must. It always annoys me that doctors won't do anything until your weight falls below the specified criteria and by that time it's much harder to put it back on again. But try not to worry about that too much, your sister will gain weight again much quicker than you think. The important thing is getting seen by a doctor to sort the source of the problem. And she has a lovely caring sister for support.

Buster wanted to take a break from the forum. Although I haven't heard from him for a while, I know he will return. So don't you worry your head about him. He's a fighter and will return for more rounds.

Darksky you certainly get up to a lot with injured animals and all sorts, I'm surprised you have time to get to Homebase.
My runner beans have all been chewed by wasps and my tomatoes are a puny size and very green. Because of the move I didn't have much time to sort a harvest this year, but have a lovely pot of herbs, which of course I keep forgetting to use.

[DustingMyselfOff]

OK, I will relax about becoming a permanent fixture on this couch..... "this too shall pass". You should be so proud of yourself, Mrs. C, because some people never come out of the type of anxiety you were suffering with 5 years ago, but look how far you've come! You did not let it take over your life and you did not become housebound as so many do. You are a fighter, and you're a very quick learner! It's too bad that sometimes the lessons are so painful, but I guess what doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Maybe none of us ever wanted to be THIS strong, though, huh?

Oh, Darsky, I'm so sorry for what you and your sister are going through. I can totally relate to how exhausting, stressful and all consuming it is when a family member has such serious health issues. My sister had kidney issues which she hid from all of us for years and then came down with pneumonia, so when we ended up taking her to the hospital for that, all the other issues were then brought out in the open and they immediately put her on dialysis while they were treating her for pneumonia. She went from being what seemed to be a healthy, happy, able-bodied woman to someone who was stuck in a hospital bed for 10 days with tubes and machines and ventilators. Her dogs are the love of her life so that was all she could think about and worry about, so while working full time and spending time with her in the hospital, I was also going to her house 3 times a day to tend to her dogs, play with them, sit with them, and send her videos proving they were fine. Then once she finally got released, she needed a lot of help so it does take a toll on us, mentally and physically. She's doing much better now, and I'm sure your sister will be too, soon, but it's frustrating getting the proper care when they are suffering so much and are treated like just another number. Thank God she has you fighting for her!

Today my anxiety obsession was putting this first antibiotic pill in my mouth. Instead I have spent the last several hours reading about the drug, it's interactions, it's side effects, other patients' reviews, etc. And of course it all scared the hell out of me. But I followed my gut and took HALF of the first dose 20 minutes ago. If nothing horrible happens to me in the next few hours, I will take the other half, and if I'm still not lying on the floor writhing in pain or sick as a dog, then I will continue the next dose tomorrow. I've always been sensitive to meds, and seem to be very hyper-aware of all side affects so I'm going to get myself busy soon so that perhaps I can distract myself. If any serious side effect tries to get my attention, then I will listen, but I'm not going to sit here waiting for one.

Thank you for taking the injured rabbit for care.....you have a good heart. I still haven't pulled the trigger on officially being a volunteer at the humane society because I fear I will leave there often with a broken heart and tears in my eyes, not to mention a car full of animals!

As always, thanks for all being here!
Sue

[Carnation]

You too have a very caring nature Sue.
I've never taken antibiotics in my life, so I can understand your nervousness. Even when I had a bad tooth that caused an infection, I writhed with the pain. My fear is actually stronger than pain, can you believe that?

I had a disappointing day today. After feeling better yesterday I expected a repeat performance, but after shop no3 I went into panic mode and had to leave. That's not something I normally do, I would normally stick it out. I waited for Mr C outside the shop and after a few minutes Mr C surfaced and I told him that my anxiety was so bad that I was panicking so came out. It was very hot inside which didn't help either. We went to sit on a bench so I could compose myself, then Mr C had to go to another shop so I said I would wait in the car. I wasn't going to keep pushing myself. Anyway, while waiting, to my surprise the Manager of the shop came out to see me and to cut along story short we had a long conversation about anxiety as she too had suffered since a teenager. She now runs a very busy shop. She was very sympathetic and I had a few tears and I felt a bit of relief. After she left, her colleague then came out to tell me that she too suffered and again had a comforting chat about it.
My, has the whole world become anxiety ridden?
What interests me is how people cope and manage it.
Some take meds, some with meditation, some with vigorous exercise, diet, keeping busy and some others I probably have forgotten.
So are these people like us walking around with anxiety all around us? Is the percentage much higher than the statistics? And what has happened to cause this outbreak? How do we stop it happening?
I have so many questions and no answers.
Your words are very flattering Sue, but I'm not leading a normal life like a normal person, I feel different, I act differently and there's lots of things I find difficult or impossible. Yes, I try and challenge myself, but anxiety is still there waiting to strike out at any time. My fear is of the symptoms and its that I need to overcome.
Whether I will, only time will tell, but as long as I am alive and kicking, I will keep on fighting.

[DustingMyselfOff]

It amazes me, too, how when we share a bit about our anxiety and mental health issues, people seem to come out of the woodwork with the same or similar issues. The few ladies at the office I would confide in would then tell me about the cocktails of drugs they were on or had been on trying to keep their anxiety and depression under control. I, too, would often wonder how many people are truly suffering with this but not talking about it or sharing it with others. I'm guessing it's pretty darned high, and that's pretty darned sad.

I think progress and technology and the rapid pace of our world has contributed.... we don't have the simple life of waking up with the roosters, doing manual labor all day harvesting our food and tending to the beef cattle, and then bartering with neighbors for the basics. And besides the crazy, high-stress lives we lead, there is the added increase in radio frequency and technological energy flying through the air. The few times I saw my hypnotherapist he had me leave my phone and my Apple watch in the other room, and he showed me a device he keeps on him or near him at all times which deflects all that artificial energy away from his body. On top of that, we're eating differently than humans used to, and there are so many chemicals and preservatives in almost everything we touch. I have no doubt it's affected the wiring of our brains.

I'm so glad the two ladies in the shop offered you some comfort, but I'm curious as to why they came out to the car. Did you do something obvious in the store that caused them to be concerned for you? Or did your husband mention to them that you were dealing with anxiety? I'm guessing when you refer to the "shops" you visit often that they must be small, quaint little places. This is something I have no experience with... over here the only stores I go into are huge and filled with hundreds/thousands of people at all times and no one notices anyone. I actually think I would have more issues with anxiety going into the little shops because there is more focus and attention on me and I can't just get lost in the crowd and blend in. Is that what you feel when you enter?

Regarding any of us living a "normal life", I'm not so sure many people do. We all have skeletons in our closets and demons we're fighting, and we have no idea what's going on with the person next to us that appears to be normal. I know I have to stop trying to be and look normal and start accepting that this is who I am, what I am, and be happy with it. Maybe in our next lives we won't have to deal with this because we will have learned so many valuable lessons this go around.
Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, you've definitely got something there Sue.
All the shops I go in are small and intimate and the staff have become familiar and chat to me. I go regularly to these shops and if I miss a week or two they ask if everything is ok or say something like, "haven't seen you for a while", which both set of my anxiety. There's also one or two that we tend to linger in through chatting, so it's all social communication most of the time and I only said to Mr C the other day, "It's the social side that affects my anxiety, not where I am or what I am doing".
The fear of communication, eye contact, remarks, my behaviour, it's too much for me and if I don't chat they think something is wrong. So I can't win either way.
There's not one shop here that won't make some sort of conversation as soon as you enter which funny enough was the type of shopping I always dreamed of. Like days of old with personal touches. But I can't hack it. :(
I also tend to wear my sunglasses in the shops to keep low profile and end up banging into things because I can't see properly and when I take them off I can't seem to focus. I start feeling hot, with sweat running down my forehead, then I try to let that pass but feel agitated inside so I fidget and lose the thread of the conversation altogether, so I'm probably appear like I'm not normal or struggling, so I say I have bad hayfever, which I do have and which I hope covers me for my lack of interest and fidgeting. I can't stand on one spot very long, but I can sit, but there's never anywhere to sit so I sort of do this 90 year old walk around the shop focusing on things on the shelf muttering to myself that I'll be ok, but a voice from my head is also telling me I'm going to pass out. This could last from anything from seconds to minutes and its a case of whether I can last it out. In the meantime my eyes seem blurry and I have trouble turning my neck. I can't focus unless something is right under my nose and people around me feel like they are choking me. Then the feeling of being there, but not being there swoops over me and I feel like I'm walking on a cloud or even in a cloud. I've spread my arms to feel my way around and can only think of getting out and getting to safety. Once out I feel a massive relief and within seconds I begin to feel reality returning but now I am exhausted and drained.
I'm then left with not wanting to return to this shop for fear of a repeat performance, but I do return and it happens again and again until I can break the fear barrier.
It only takes a small negative to kick off the fear and then I'm left with weeks, even months of wiping it out and the fear is spiked by normally what someone might say to me like, "are you ok? ", are you alright?" "you don't seem your normal self?" "have you been ill?" "you look hot", "you look tired", you get the picture.
Unknown to these people, they have just instigated panic into my brain which will cause a long stream of thoughts and anxiety which in turn makes me not want to see or hear from these people and they are probably just being caring.
So social anxiety is born and panic attacks grow all from something like that.
Yes, I regard myself as a fighter, I will never give up, but what I need to do is be able to process these comments and feelings in a more natural way and not think I'm going to die because someone thinks I look tired or not upbeat and full of beans.
I've reams of stuff to read and 'Claire Weeks' helped me tremendously with my walking when I first was diagnosed with anxiety, but socially I am a total wreck.

[Darksky]

Do you have to go into these particular shops? I know they are close by and seem easy to get to but it's all re enforcing your panic. A longer car journey maybe but wouldn't those outside town retail parks be better. Like Sue says, no one looks at you in B and Q, Next, Dunelm etc. Plus you have space to move around on your own without the tightness of the tiny shops. Also guaranteed no one will speak to you

[Carnation]

Unfortunately Darksky , I have a fear of big supermarkets and bigger shops with the exit not being in view. The other option is shopping online, but I do like to get out and I want to get that normality back in to my life.
I spent months avoiding shops and felt no better for it.
Anxiety will take a hold and find something else for you to fear. People are getting to know me now and more and more are familiar with my condition and they are only being caring with asking if I am ok, but I rarely am ok in a shop and when you are panicking you don't and can't stand there chatting about it or throw it over your shoulder like a pinch of salt. It takes time to calm down.
I think I will just have to limit my shop visits until my blip has passed.

[Carnation]

I have to add that this particular shop was where Mr C left me to go somewhere completely off the cuff and being monophobic (fear of being on my own), it sent a spiral of panic as it was not planned and out of my control. I wasn't the same in that shop since then, probably because my memory is now associating it with being deserted and trapped! In time and many more visits it should disperse, but the pain barrier to go through that procedure is frightening and very uncomfortable. Hopefully the result as time passes will be worth it.

[DustingMyselfOff]

OK, now that we've confirmed what these shops are like, I totally understand what you're dealing with and going through, and I have to tell you, if it were me, I would avoid those shops like the plague! These are not quick shopping trips or errands, these are a long string of social events! And of course you feel like you have to look your best before you enter, and have to say the right things, and respond properly, etc. TOO MUCH PRESSURE! Fortunately I do all my shopping online or in big stores because I don't think, no, I KNOW, I would not enjoy and would eventually become phobic of becoming a regular at any shop. I totally couldn't do it, and the only thing I can relate it to that does / did bother me is going to my hairdresser, or going to the nail salon. They build a relationship with you, they expect you will enjoy it being a social occasion, they want you to give them updates about what you've been doing and what your life has been like lately, and I find it all something I have to tolerate, but certainly do not enjoy. As a matter of fact, when I was getting my nails done on a regular basis, I was constantly on the search for a salon that did NOT have chatty personnel where I could just give them my hands and either immerse myself in their TV set or pretend I am reading something on my phone.

If I were you, and of course you have to do what YOU feel more comfortable with, but I would start practicing and working on becoming more comfortable with the large stores and give up on the small ones. I don't think people like you and I will ever be comfortable with the small shops.... I prefer to get in, knowing no one is looking at me or wondering how I am, getting what I need, and getting back out again. I know where all the ladies rooms are in every big store so if I feel the need to escape and compose myself, I retreat to the ladies room for a few minutes. Or you can always go out to your car for a few minutes and then re-enter. And no one will notice!

I am feeling very compassionate and sad that this is the type of "shopping" that you've been trying to conquer, because I can't even imagine how hard it is and I know I would not even attempt it. So ask yourself: is it really worth it? How will you ever be able to give your nerves a chance to relax and heal if you are constantly prodding them with stressful events? Or can you at least not go to these shops as often? I could be wrong but it seems you are there several times a week? You barely have time to recover from one trip before you're on to the next one.
Sue