Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Thank you for taking the time Sue and Darksky to give me your opinion and advice.
Maybe I will give the big shop another go, I must admit it's been a while since I tried and I was no worse in there than the small familiar ones. Plus, there is a loo and a café to get a drink if need be.
I'll limit my visits to the others and yes we do go quite a lot. Both Mr C and I were discussing doing other things.
Shopping has never been one of my favourite past times anyway. I might even set up online shopping for the bulk of the shopping so that when I go out it's not so much a task and more of a novelty.
I've probably been punishing myself unnecessarily.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yes, good idea to decrease your visits to the small shops. It almost sounds like they have been outings so that the two of you can get out of the house for a while and do a little socializing, which is one of the things you DON'T feel like doing. If you enjoyed browsing through the small shops and like the opportunity it provides to chat and socialize, more power to you, but that doesn't seem to be the case for you. Are you going because Mr. C. wants and needs the socializing?

I HATE shopping, and I order so many things online and then hubby does the other things at stores since he doesn't mind it. I'll go into a grocery store once in a while but I always hate it and can't wait to get out of there.

Yes, please stop punishing yourself so much, and be kind to yourself.
Sue

[Darksky]

Now I'm a shopping addict. Park me up in Boots by the make up counters and I'm as happy as can be. Or in Debenhams overloading myself with perfume spritzes of stuff I can't afford. I have developed a love of all things girlie that overpowers panic. Are you interested in music? HMV have a massive vinyl section now and you can leaf through them just like we did in the 70s. Go out with something nice in mind, not just bread because you need it. I'm a great believer in treating myself or rewarding. Although maybe it's just an excuse to buy something. Anyway you can never have enough lipsticks. Whatever it is, Not something you need.....make it something you want.

food shopping...well that's a royal pain in the bum. All supermarkets deliver now. I,used to get Tescos round but their substituted items drove me batty. Got no carrots...here have an onion insteadBut if you are no worse off in bigger anonymous stores, give them another go. The exit is always there, it's a free country and you can walk out whenever you want and not a single soul will even give you a second glance.

[pulisa]

I think the very last thing you want with anxiety is attention so I'd take Darsky's and Sue's advice and stick to anonymous big stores where you can blend in and out as you choose and no one is interested in how you are feeling or looking. I'd hate to feel I was being scrutinised at the shops but I suppose that's one of the disadvantages of living in quieter areas x

[Carnation]

Yes, scrutinised is exactly how I feel Pulisa and thank you for your advice. x

Darksky, I'm afraid I am not a happy shopper. Get in, grab and go. Rarely try anything on because I'm not a lover of changing rooms and assistants itching the curtain asking, "how does it look?" when i haven't even got my own clothes off. And as for looking in the mirror, if I want to scare myself, I'll watch a horror movie.
I like to have nice things, but I want them to magically appear. But I do like shopping for plants. For one thing, it's outside and I feel I'm amongst nature. I also don't mind car boots and considering the crowds, that's quite surprising. But food shopping is just Urgh.

Sue, yes I do go a lot for Mr C. He enjoys the browsing, the chatting and a little banter. He likes the fuss and personal assistance. It's actually him that strikes up these relationships in the first place and if I sometimes wait in the car the staff ask where I am and he, not thinking, tells them I'm not feeling to good today.
So you see where it escalates from and with my weird walking around and not wanting to stand and chat I become scrutinised!

So here's where I am. Trips to local shops to be cut down and time used for other things. Bulk shopping from major supermarket either in person or online or a bit of both as I don't want to feel pressurised doing that either.
As for the little shops with inquisitive questions, we'll have to make our excuses some how.

And yes Darksky, I am interested in music and I'd rather be listening to music than standing in a shop shaking in my boots.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Mrs. C..... sounds like a good plan.... baby steps.

But I wonder: can you urge Mr. C. to go to these shops on his own so that his need is fulfilled but you don't have to be put through the experience? I know you have a fear of being alone, but these short trips of Mr. C going to the shops without you might be good practice for you staying home alone for short periods, and you may eventually even find you enjoy your alone time!
Sue

[Carnation]

Darksky, I am gradually introducing being alone for short periods and I have asked Mr C would he like to go to them on his own and he replies, "it's no fun on your own" and obviously I said, "it can't be much fun with me!"
I think he worries about leaving me alone to be honest.
The new place feels much better for me and I have nice neighbours all round, so hopefully my fear will go in time.

So we popped out today. Did one shop locally and I wasn't too bad. Then we took a drive to a farm shop and where nobody knows me and I was terrible!
I think the problem is with me and not where I am or who's around. I can't be more descriptive in my feelings but it feels like I'm about to die! A bit over the top you might think, but I become very disorientated, can't focus, legs are like I have a chain and ball attached and I feel like I'm going to collapse any minute.
I've had good rest, plenty to eat and drink and not over pushed myself.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I've had periods of feeling like this before and I just have to wait for it to ride itself out. Could be a day, a week, a month, who knows. But it's the worst. :(

[DustingMyselfOff]

I know you've resisted taking medication for your anxiety, but maybe it's time to think about just a short term use of something? Your nervous system needs some time to rest and recover and with the continuous pokes at it, it's not getting that chance. Just a thought.... medication was a lifesaver for me when all the other things I tried, including patience, didn't work. We deserve to have a life!
Sue

[pulisa]

So Mr C isn't helping you with your fear of being on your own?

[Carnation]

Strangely, No Pulisa.
If I say I'll go in a shop on my own while he waits on a bench straight away he says, "will you be alright, do you want me to come with you?" He follows me in to the garden and when I say I'm going for my walk down the road and back, he says, "I'll come with you".
Maybe he doesn't want to be on his own either.
But his comments fuel me with more fear as I think, "maybe I do appear fragile and ill.
But I'm not fragile and as far as know, I'm not ill. Just my stupid brain!
Pulisa, Mr C is more clingy with since his mother passed 6 months ago, I wondered whether he is still coming to terms with it.

Sue, I have a massive phobia with meds and I won't go in to detail for the reason of frightening readers.
But. I am thinking, just thinking and veering towards some help in the form of a pill.
We haven't seen our new Doctor yet, but the one I had was awful and basically put me off of going altogether.
So never say never.