Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

[Pkstracy]

WAY TO GO MRS. C I am doing sosogood days and bad days, thank you for asking.

[Carnation]

Tracy, hopefully you will have some good days in the mix soon x

[Darksky]

Well you're back safe and sound. It's a shame you couldn't get your slippers and had to resort to online. but registering with the doctor was an important thing to do. I hope the key thing helped a bit.

today is horrible and wet. My hairs gone curly in the rain which is fine, I prefer it. But we were due to mend a shed roof but electric tools and rain don't mix particularly well. I reckon this afternoon an overdue trip to the tip is called for.

its a good idea from Mr.C. Go for a drive somewhere nice and just walk around as much as you want. Nothing to do, no shops, just a stroll. You will have to carefully pick your day, this rain is off and in all week. We had a right miserable dog walk last night.

[Carnation]

Yesterday I was very pleased with my efforts, even though my legs were convulsing with muscle twitches and vibrating feet. So far today they seem to have vanished, but I feel incredibly nervous and spaced out so far.
It's a horrible day weather wise, blowing a gale, but I have stuff lined up to do.
I've noticed that the evenings are less anxious for me, once I've had my evening meal.
I don't wake up particularly anxious, but an hour or two in to day I'm feeling it.
I'm also finding it incredibly hard to stay focused on whatever I am doing. Not only does my mind wander, I'm making mistakes or forgetful.
I especially forget what I was going to do when I walk in the kitchen and that immediately spikes anxiety.
I have the black spot syndrome in my eye, it follows my view when paying attention to it. I've checked, it's extremely common, so don't Google it, it will only come up with a frightening answer.
But it's another one of those things that distract you and you end up questioning.
That's my problem, I have to question every single feeling and emotion.
As for that horrible experience I had 2 years ago, I'll probably never know the reason and its past. If anything I need to focus on the present problems.
Some might say a therapist is what I need. I've had 3 years out of my 5+ anxiety diagnosis and although nice to have someone to talk to, that's basically all it is.
CBT and Mindfulness you have to do yourself, they won't hold your hand along the way.
I had a chat with Mr C about meds and although anti meds anyway, he doesn't think it is the right path for me. He said knowing my makeup, he said just taking them will up my anxiety tenfold. I would be checking myself constantly, afraid to go to sleep, that sort of thing.
So that leaves me in this current time with meditation, distraction, Mindfulness, exposure and the healthiest lifestyle I can get.
I have thought about hypnotherapy as a possibility, but if Paul Mckenna couldn't put me under, my confidence is low. The substitute to that is listening to Apps just before you fall asleep, which was what happened to me yesterday.
But it's the despondency of it all. Another day of battle, another day of being scared, another day of anxiety.

[Darksky]

The thing with these meds is that for a lot of people they do up anxiety before they make you feel better. (So I've read on here) if you are coming from a place of high anxiety already, how much higher do you want to go? People start them when they are extremely high anyway. I do wonder if you started them from a level state of mind, if you would get anxiety spikes with them.

i never say never but personally I wouldn't want to get any higher for those first weeks so I stay away. But they are life savers for some, so who am I to decide for people. You should chat all this over with your new doctor but I have a feeling you won't you are too like me.

Realise that this heightened state is not forever. Nothing ever is. It will end. I do agree that whatever caused that incident has little to do with the here and now. Whether physical or mental, the fact is that it's left you with phobic reactions to any symptom that resembles it. That's what you have to tackle. No deep thinking ( I know )

God I make it sound so simple and yet it's one of the hardest battles. Keep your chin up, we're all fighting the same fight.

[Carnation]

I have a feeling I won't either Darksky, I definitely don't want to go any higher than I am already, already feel like I'm walking a foot off of the ground.
I must be like you, my hair also goes curly in the rain too.
Thank you for all of your good advice. x

[DustingMyselfOff]

I wish I had a magic wand to fix all this, for you and ALL of us, Mrs. C. You do seem like you're in a tough spot right now because you know all the methods and tools for coping with anxiety, and you have tried most of them, but with little success. That in itself is anxiety-producing. So now it seems there is depression mixed in with the general anxiety and the health anxiety, and the fatigue will probably increase as a result. I hope you, Mr. C, and your doctor can find a way through this and soon you can come out on the other side, victorious!

Darsky is right in that anti-depressants usually do make you feel much worse before you feel better. If it had not been for having a husband who was a paramedic and a doctor who would talk to me on the phone at least once a day assuring me that it was normal and would pass, I would have never been able to take them. However, if you ever get to the point where you need some medicinal help to let your nerves calm down and rest for a bit, a tranquilizer would be the trick. They do not make you more anxious before they start to work so if you ever re-consider meds, just ask for a tranquilizer. Heck, I don't know a single female (truly) who doesn't have a bottle of those in her cabinet, "for emergencies".

I know what you mean about checking on yourself constantly. That is the thing I asked my hypnotherapist to work on during my last visit a few months ago. I told him I open my eyes while in bed immediately asking myself how I'm feeling, physically and mentally. Before I get out of bed, I'm already paying attention to any new sensation or symptom and I pick one that I seem to obsess over for the rest of the day. While I'm doing something I will stop and ask myself if the symptom is still there. When I sit to rest I will take an inventory of what I'm feeling. This went on all day, every day. Constantly taking an inventory. And of course you can always find something that doesn't feel right, and then you obsess on it and sometimes make it worse. Apparently he got rid of that for me because I just realized I'm not doing that anymore.

I hate that you're in this dark place right now and that there's not a darned thing I can do to help. People who care about you only want the best for you but none of us (yourself included) know exactly how to get there. :( The answer will come. You're doing everything right and one day soon, when it's supposed to happen, you will see some relief and know the path to take to kick this anxiety to the curb!
Sue

[Carnation]

Thank you for the words of encouragement Sue. x
I had a panic attack this afternoon, but managed to curb it through distraction. Yes, there's definitely depression in the mix here, why wouldn't it be? It's enough to drive anyone in to a dark hole.
Feeling much better since the panic passed and doing those things I'd planned to do.
It gets to a point of dreading the next day and what it might bring, but somehow I manage to get through the day, just wish I could enjoy life more.

[Carnation]

And wow Sue, your hubby was a Dr and paramedic, how handy is that?