Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

And wow Sue, your hubby was a Dr and paramedic, how handy is that?

No, my husband was a paramedic. It was my GP who would talk to me every day on the phone to be my cheerleader and encourage me to "hang in there" when I thought I couldn't stand the side effects anymore. I was lucky to have both on my team.
Sue

[Pkstracy]

"I have the black spot syndrome in my eye, it follows my view when paying attention to it. I've checked, it's extremely common, so don't Google it, it will only come up with a frightening answer." (sorry dontknow how to pull jjust that line from your post Mrs C.)

I have this too and it is normal especially as we age. I am so sorry you are having those issues, Panic and anxiety are no fun.

[Carnation]

Wow Sue, you wouldn't get that support in the UK. Here you might wait a week or two to just get an appointment. :(
Tracy, I've actually had the black spot syndrome for many many years. It seems more apparent if you make a point of looking for it, if that makes any sense.

My high anxiety thankfully calmed down in the evening, it seems to be a regular pattern. Just having some time of relief is a comfort it is not a permanent state.
Tv seems the best distraction for me, as long as it isn't hospital related. And it was weird when I was watching some vintage TV and saw a place I used to drive regularly and had a few panic attacks driving in that location, it actually triggered a jolt of panic when seeing it.
Definitely believe in the trigger thing.
Problem is there seems to be so many of them due to the number of times I've panicked.
So another day, another challenge and I'm already down about it. I'm becoming grumpy again and there has not been a day gone by for at least a week where I haven't had tears. I feel like a broken record going over the same stuff every day and stuck in groundhog day.
I'm afraid I'll get to the point where I just can't be bothered to try anymore, especially when you are teased with a rare good day, then the next day it's terrible. At the moment, it's all terrible. It's bad enough when you struggle going out, but when if filters in to your safe place (home), there's no escaping it.
It's why I believe the problem is within ourselves, not where we are and what we do. Yes, there are triggers, but seriously how many times of exposure makes it easier? If you only have the odd good day here and then, it never becomes a good memory response. It's just different degrees of anxiety in a very stressful world. And I'm beginning to hate the new place because of the way I feel, but I can't keep running. I'm running from my own shadow. I'm running from my fears and running out of places to hide.

[DustingMyselfOff]

I hear your frustration and defeat, and my heart breaks for you. I wish there were something I could do or say to fix it, but we all know I can't. But you have dealt with this long enough.... SOMETHING has got to change. You've tried everything, virtually everything, to alleviate this demon on your own and have not been successful. And it's not like you give up easily..... you have given this a LONG time and have tried to be patient and let time pass..... I can't think of anything more you can do.

It sounds like it's time turn to some medical professionals. YOUR task is to somehow find one that you can talk to and that you feel you can trust. And then you need to follow their direction for a while and see if it helps. But I understand finding that person is not easy. You can't be the only one with anxiety issues in your area - we've seen just from this forum how prevalent anxiety is. There has got to be a support system or resources or professionals who deal with this, but not living where you do, I have no idea how you find them. But someone in your area must know!

It's time to get angry at this anxiety and fight back hard. Enough is enough. You have suffered long enough and wasted enough precious days of your life with this dreaded disorder and it's time to fight back. Get mad, Mrs. C, and find someone who can give you back some good days!
Sue

[Carnation]

Oh, you must be so fed up with my whingeing Sue, I'm like a broken record.
Well here's a surprise. I actually had a good morning.
I was browsing on my mobile and came across affirmations. I picked one which was about one hour long and played the App. You had to 'repeat after me', twice covering stuff like loving yourself, reassuring yourself you are well and worthy.
It wasn't until I did this that I realised how very depressed I am. I became tearful over many of these affirmations and there were alot! Especially the ones about loving yourself and being loved.
And when I finished I felt a shift in my emotions. A sudden urge of energy. Wanting to find something nice to wear, do my hair and make-up, paint my grubby nails, even look in the full length mirror and for the first time in ages, I put perfume on.
I've also cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom, not feeling lightheaded or fuzzy eyed at all.
It was all looking great until I went into the kitchen. Bam! There it was again, feeling panicky, lightheaded, trying to focus. So there's something about the kitchen that makes me throw a wobbly. I stuck out though, I could feel the heat rising up me, but I didn't run, I just slowed down.
But, I did have a good morning and that's a start and obviously I've only practised it the once.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Nope, never get tired of reading your posts, and I never consider them whining. So don't hesitate - it helps to "talk" about it.

Sounds like the affirmations were very helpful.... maybe set an alarm on your phone to remind you to do them a few times a day!

I don't think it's necessarily the kitchen that triggered you, I just think that's where you happened to be when your next wave was due. You're not going to be completely anxiety free in one day and from a one-hour session. But you saw that you CAN get some relief, and now your goal is to make those good times last a little longer, and then a little longer, etc. And DON'T let the waves defeat you! This is two steps forward, one step back, and we all have the "steps back" often. I still get them several times a day, but remind myself not to focus on it, not to dwell on it, and keep distracting myself and don't give it any power.

Congrats on a good morning.... there are more to come.
Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, I think the affirmations definitely helped.
I wasn't skipping around the house, but I felt a shift, albeit a shortlived one, so I've done them again this morning.
I listen to them as I get washed and dressed in the morning so I can use it as a distraction as well.
I've been finding the getting up and getting ready routine quite shaky, so if it at least helps with that, it's a big help.
Although I'm hoping I'm feeding my brain with lots of positives. If anyone interested, it's the Louise Hay positive affirmations, easily found on the internet. She lived til 90,so that's encouraging.

Last night I had the most awful head rush eating my dinner. It really takes your breath away. But I did my upmost to stay calm. I couldn't help thinking anxiety induced that to remind me it's there!
Anxiety doesn't like being ignored. It prefers a "Hello I know why you are there." But you can't help thinking, just bugger off!
I've got a trip out this afternoon, so Darksky, I'll be holding those keys tight in my hand. x

[Darksky]

I'll have a look at those affirmations when I finish working. Every little helps.

It's a good idea to view them as brain food. The brain learns to react to our thinking. Feed it negative stuff and it will lead to negative thinking and the depression that comes with it. So feeding it positive stuff should have the opposite effect

You off somewhere nice this pm? It will be hard to know what to wear. One minute it's sunny the next it's pouring down. Still don't let it stop you, take your keys in your hot little hand, take a deep breath and see what's going on in the world.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Enough with this hot, humid, sticky weather! It's almost October and we're still using the air conditioning! And I started a new part-time job which so far entails a lot of running around and I find myself over-heated a lot, so I guess I better not put away the summer clothes yet.

Yes, we all need to re-train our brain. Positive affirmations and meditation is apparently the best way to do that. I love that hypnosis works for me, but I guess it's not for everyone.

Wishing you the best on your outing, Mrs. C. By the way, I always get a slight head rush when I'm eating.... I chalk it up to my blood sugar levels shifting.
Sue

[Carnation]

Well I had success and failure.
We went in to town and there were 3 shops we had planned to go to. I know, I know, shops are the bane of my life, but we needed to go to these. The first two were brilliant, no anxiety at all. The third one caused me a panic attack and I honestly thought I was going to collapse in the street. I couldn't focus and couldn't see where I was putting one foot in front of the other as I made my way to the exit. It was also so hot and humid. I went out wearing a jacket and came home wearing a t-shirt.
It's so exhausting! I really don't want to be in all the time and if I avoid going out, I do worry what that will do to me.
The weekend we have planned to go to a quiet village and walk around, I'm hoping it will be better for me.
I will do the affirmations tomorrow and meditation, but I feel I have a long road ahead.