Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

I feel just posting, "I'm still struggling", is pointless to my readers. But afraid it is the truth. I feel like I'm in a deep dark hole. I'm having several panic attacks a day and the rest of the time I'm walking around in a daze, feeling off balance, lightheaded, blurry vision and weary.
I'm not doing much because of this and the couch had had my presence for most of the day.
I've been listening to positive affirmations all day long and reciting them. But something in my head is telling me there is something seriously wrong. I feel scared and defeated because none of coping skills or perseverance is changing the way I feel.
I've just been in the car with Mr C and he drove down to the coastline. I was too scared to even get out of the car so we sat and looked at the sea from the car. When we got home, immediately getting out of the car I felt off balance and just thought to myself, "when's it going to stop, I don't know how much more I can take".....

[Darksky]

When you say, your head tells you something's seriously wrong. Do you mean physically? Im sure there's not, but HA has a very loud voice that's hard to ignore.

maybe you ought to pluck up the courage and talk to a Dr about how you feel. Surely it can't make you feel any worse. You don't have to take tablets. But I think chatting to someone who can potentially help you can't do any harm.
sometimes all our self help hits a wall and we need professional help. Doing something pro active may be enough to kick start recovery. You do sound depressed as well as anxious....the both ugly sisters.

You've registered with the doctors, go and chat, you've nothing to lose.

[Carnation]

I just don't have any trust in doctors Darksky.
I'm afraid if I open up about my true feelings, they'll put me away. Maybe a over reacting thought, but it's my thought.
Mr C still says it's my anxiety.
I've tested my bending up and down and not dizzy, it's just walking around. I even cleaned the skirting boards on my hands and knees and I was fine.
When I'm walking around I just think I'm going to collapse. :(

[DustingMyselfOff]

Sorry, Mrs. C... but you do need to give a doctor or two a chance. Granted, it's not easy to find one you trust and feel comfortable with, but you won't ever find one if you don't try a few. You have done everything you can to kick this - it's time to ask for help. You can't fight this alone anymore so please see a physician, therapist, hypnotherapist, or psychiatrist. You've wasted enough precious days suffering - it's time to get you back on the life track so you can enjoy your days.

I know you don't trust doctors, but at this point, what have you got to lose? Maybe you'll get lucky and find one that can help!
Sue

[Carnation]

I can't see what a doctor can do for me if I won't take meds. That's all they can do. I've gone over 5 years without the help of meds. I've also been down the road of constantly going to the doctors, checking bloods with my obcession with health anxiety. It got to the point where they would say to me, "what is it now?" I just know I won't take meds because of my phobia.
3 years of therapy, 3 different therapists.
But I am considering seeing a hypnotherapist.
I feel like its pointless now coming on this thread to keep saying I'm struggling.

[Pkstracy]

Hypno therapy may work, have you thought of trying CBD oil? Maybe lounge in bed for a day or two and have mister c wait on you hand and foot like a queen and sleep sleep sleep. sending you hugs

[DustingMyselfOff]

OK, I didn't realize you were back to being dead-set against meds.... I thought (but could be wrong) that you were actually considering it a week or two ago.

If you feel it brings you any comfort or relief or distraction to keep posting here, then keep doing it. But if it's causing you problems, then please do whatever amount of posting feels right for you.

Tracy, if she's paranoid about taking doctor-prescribed drugs I'm guessing she isn't going to want to try CBD, either.
Sue

[Carnation]

Tracy, thank you for your thoughts and I'm aware of those products and know people that benefit from them.
It's something I have not ruled out.
You also must have been reading my thoughts Tracy.
Maybe I need to do nothing!
I've been trying to fight this and maybe it's been the wrong approach. Maybe I need to relax, sleep, recharge. After all, my original breakdown was anxiety exhaustion related and the last 6 months has been very demanding on me.
When I quote, "we moved", it was me that did ALL the sorting, cleaning, packing, unpacking. Mr C just carried the boxes. It was 'Me' that cleared out the kitchen, bathroom, bedrooms and downstairs rooms. And did a superfast gardening job, amount a weeks work in one day at his mother's house.
It was me who dealt with all the paperwork.
It was 'Me' who shopped for all the furniture and appliances.
It was 'Me' who dealt with all his mother's things when she passed away. And the same for my mum too.
It's 'Me' that does all the housework.
It's 'Me' that makes lunch and dinner everyday.
And although I don't mind any of it, it could add to the state I am in now. So when when I have some emotional trauma going on in my life, it tips me over the edge.
And that's exactly what has happened to me.
I've had some emotional upset which has been devastating to me which I can't talk about on here due to its nature.
So maybe I've been trying to cure something that just needs rest!

Yes, Sue, you are right! I was at the point of considering meds, but as said, I'd discussed this with Mr C and he doesn't think it's the right path for me and I agree with him. I'm a very highly strung person and an addictive nature. I have obcessive thinking about side affects and would be a nightmare with the slightest effect if it should happen. I also personally think they are not the cure, but the crutch!
The only reason I said about not posting and this happens with alot of members on here including myself. Some members get tired of hearing about others struggles and you end up with "for God's sake, help yourself" or to be more blunt, "shut up, we're tired of hearing you".
People come here because they have no one else to talk to about it and as others have the same in common, it's where you head for.
Just saying, "go to the doctor" doesn't suffice what I would call a comfort, a relation, an understanding.
You want to hear that someone else is experiencing what you have so you don't think you are going mad. You want to feel you have a friend because you sure don't in reality when like this, you want cheering up on occasions, even have a laugh and most importantly you want to know there is somebody there to hear your voice.
We all have our ups and downs and I've been on the side of helping many time. I spent months talking to a young girl in the middle of the night calming her down, helped people that have now left and leading an anxiety free life and so on.
But sometimes the 'helper' needs something her/himself.
So please don't be hard on me, I'm only human.

[YoullNeverWalkAlone]

Hi carnation, hope you don’t mind me joining in on your thread, have been following it for a long time with great interest, you could have been writing this diary about myself, we are so much alike with the anxiety, panics, fears, each and everyone of the symptoms, even when you don’t feel anxious you still battle with the symptoms, like the wobbly head, ectopic heartbeats, the constant tiredness, sometimes that is crippling and many others, up and down days, up one minute and then wham the bloody thing comes from nowhere. I too struggle everyday and have done for quite a number of years, it’s very hard to put into words just how you feel day in day out especially to anyone who hasn’t experienced it, how much we hide, how we put on a brave face and say..yeah I’m good, how are you, when inside your crumbling, how hard it is just to go to the supermarket or the library without your head spinning or your legs and arms shaking uncontrollably, just doing the little things most people take for granted for us is like climbing Everest in flip flops. I’m also going through a bad patch yet again and have been for a couple of months, think is the after affect of a tramour I had at home, which is sorted now but has left me struggling with anxiety that I can’t get rid of. My heart goes out to you carnation as I know 100% what you are going through and how your feeling, but we a strong people, stronger than we sometimes give ourselves credit for, and like the bad times we have had before and come through it, we will both get through this and come out the other side with another win under our belts. Be kind to yourself, don’t push to hard but on the other hand don’t give in. Remember you are never alone. All my love and sending you a big hug xxxx

[Carnation]

You'll never walk alone, I feel so honoured your first post is on my thread. And even more honoured that you have been following my story. If only it were fable.
It's such a comfort to know you are not alone, especially with these unexplored feelings and symptoms. You'd think with the experience and coping tools it gets easier, but it certainly doesn't feel like it when it sneaks up behind you again. So difficult to plan anything or lead a normal life.
We try and persevere and our courage builds, but inside we are so vulnerable and susceptible to attack.
I've always said that it's a certain type of person who sufffers. Caring and sensitive. If we didn't care, we'd be probably be recovered or not a victim in the first place.
It's lovely to meet you, but sad under the circumstances.
It saddens me to know other people suffer and always surprises me how we cope with it all.
Sending you love and hugs too. x