Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

My trip out wasn't very successful, but I least I made the effort. We had to go to the post office and I couldn't face waiting in the queue, so stayed in the car.
I was anxious just waiting in the car, but it did pass.
From there, we went to the corner shop and as I approached the shop I could hear someone inside I knew and she's very loud and gushing, so turned on my heals and sat in the car again while Mr C did the shop.
Even going into the garden, my eyes couldn't take the bright light, felt woozy and agitated.
So despite what I say about therapists, I've come to the point of seeking one again!
But I'm looking for something different this time. I'm not interested in going through my life history again week in week out as one long expensive chat. So I need something more productive.
There's one I'm looking at that runs a workshop of art and crafts and that could be something to aim for.
Back home licking my wounds now, but tomorrow is another day.

Yes, I worry about sleep. If its not enough, too much, the quality......

Darksky already doing veggies sitting down on the sofa until I feel confident again, but truth be known, we've had a few convenience foods lately.

Ending on a happy note, I had a beautiful bouquet of flowers delivered from my cousin and his wife. I cancelled their trip because of my anxiety situation a couple of weeks ago. They were very understanding at the time.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Can't hurt to try a therapist, but I have to admit when I first read that I thought "Well that will be a waste of time and money" because as is probably true with most of us, I've tried so many over the years and it's always the same old thing. Spend a few weeks telling them your history, then have them tell you that you need to get a hobby, or exercise more, or breathe more, or meditate. Or just keep coming back and talking to them, but I could talk to a friend a lot more cheaply! If you can find a different type of therapy, that would definitely be worth a shot!
Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, I agree with you Sue about Therapists in general, that's why I haven't been keen to return.
But I'm looking more for a Therapist with something more to give. Think it's called a miracle.
I'm also trying to do this acceptance and floating thing that Claire Weekes mentions in her book.
So difficult to do, but manage bits here and there.
I'm not entirely sure what she means by floating as I thought floating is one of the anxiety symptoms anyway.
Maybe I'm doing it already.
She mentions the different causes/types of anxiety and again its difficult to pinpoint which one applies.
Exhaustion, phobias, illness, highly sensitised, I could be all of them. In modern day terms I suppose that's classed as general anxiety. The important thing is NOT to think it is anything more than that, which is something I slip in to thinking quite often. "But, what if it isn't anxiety and something serious", springs to mind. Then Googling is born. Mr C said something the other day and for once he said something helpful.
"Google has to put all those diseases and illnesses to cover themselves legally". The same with side affects on medication. Of course they do. A bit of logical thinking.

Not sure how today is going to pan out, but I'm feeling more optimistic than I was last week.
I think it is important to keep as much normality in your day as possible with plenty of relaxation in between.

[DustingMyselfOff]

We could all use a miracle, and I DO believe in them, so let's stay positive.

I think that's why I enjoyed the 3 visits I made to my hypno-therapist. It was not at all the classic "pour out your guts for 50 minutes while I sit here and jot notes and then tell you to come back next week to do the same". If I'm going to spend money talking to someone, I want them to give me a little more than just being a sounding board and telling me about all the coping mechanisms we can all recite in our sleep by now.

I haven't picked up the Claire Weeks book in probably 30 years, but it's good to know it's still there if I need it. But I did find the last time I thumbed through it, it was almost a trigger for me.... probably because when I bought the book I was at the height of my anxiety and it brought me right back there?

Dr. Google.... so helpful at times, but so damaging at others. Thanks, Mr. C, for the reminder!
Sue

[Darksky]

Floating? Yeah, no real explanation. I take it as letting your body relax as much as you can. Imagine a cloud is supporting you and carrying you where you need to be. However, I'm not sure this way of visualising will appeal to you, with your woozy feelings and shifting floors.
All the books preach acceptance but it doesn't matter how they explain it, I never seem to totally get it.

The best thing for me, is keeping busy. Doing as much normality as possible. Working, dog walking, shopping. Seeing family...all the stuff the 'normals' do. I know I'm worse if I don't keep it all going. That doesn't mean I don't relax, I'm slobbed out at the moment, watching the footie and eating rice crackers.

[Carnation]

I agree with both of you on the 'floating' thing.
So I've adapted my own version.
I glide. A bit like a slowed down version of a badly performed dance on strictly. which actually makes me laugh and great entertainment for Mr C.
As for the ragdoll approach? Well, I'm sort of like a ragdoll anyway. But I get the idea. I'm learning to slow down, halt, not react to fleeing or fighting and think I've nipped a few panics in the bud.
The gliding works well in the kitchen.
Instead of the usual get in there and become octopus woman, I'm gliding my arms to do one thing at a time, even turning in a gliding fashion.
Before, I'd go to the fridge, stack up my arms with everything I needed, I'd be piled high to my chin, carry it all to the work surface in a daze and stand there shaking with preparing the food.
Singing is good to in the kitchen, even a hum.

Yesterday was an improvement on previous days.
I felt more energised and did some chores around the house. Didn't have to go to my sticker book to calm down and slept like a log.
I didn't go out, but I did go in the garden for a short while.
I've also worked out my sensitivity to the outdoor light.
Although I'm not a fan of bright lights, it is the time of year that the sun is closest to the earth, but its hard for me to adjust and this affects Mr C as well.
We've moved from City land where the buildings stand tall and give shade. Here, there are big open skies, buildings lay low and very little trees. When you go to the coast, that is a good example. Great for a night sky looking at the stars, but daytime, it's like allumination at a concert.
That's my theory anyway. Not forgetting that we used to live in a wooded area before coming here. And I quite like wearing sunglasses all year round. I don't have to look at anyone.

Still doing the affirmations with spoken Apps every morning and just before going to sleep. I prefer listening to them and thinking of them rather than reading them from a book. It feels like a therapist on tap.

I haven't had much luck with a therapist yet.
I hear you loud and clear Sue.
For me, spending every session sitting, chatting about how terrible my childhood was, my marriage, bad relationships and so on is pointless. I've done it three times over and to me it's like paying someone to upset yourself. I'd always leave shaky and right in the middle of a sensitive moment. I have to be fair, one of the therapists I really clicked with and she boosted my confidence, but it was more like a friendship and I still keep in contact from time to time. She quickly channelled my love for nature and my empathy that can be a curse as well as a blessing.
But at the end of the day, I wasn't cured and I still relapse.
Back to my search. One therapist I contacted was holidaying in Spain for the next month, another hasn't called me back in two days, there's a group of another lot that you seem to have to join a sect before even seeing someone and that leaves me with the last one that interests me more, but is difficult to contact. There's a 2 hour slot and missed the slot two days running.
This lady is a therapist, but does hypnotherapy as well, will do you a life chart (that's a new one on me), eft and probably many other things.
It's in her house, so could potentially be a problem for me with running out in a frenzy, but less clinical than a room over a shop or intimidating building.
But, I still have reservations about whether it is right for me. We are not simpletons that suffer with anxiety, we've read all the literature, experienced all the lavishings of anxiety, tried many techniques on our own, taken care of ourselves with rest, good food and distractions and still, up it pops rearing it's ugly presence.

Darksky, I find distraction probably the best approach.
I'm not saying work til you drop, but to do some thing whether it's as little as reading, a jigsaw puzzle or something a little more. It's not good to wallow and leave the doors open for more haunting thoughts.
I've always been an active person and not known for sitting on my bum for very long. Or napping during the day.
I could never do the sleep thing on a flight or what you call, 'resting your eyes'. If I could, I might not be so anxious.

Back to yesterday. First day with no panic attack.
I felt moments of one coming, but managed to stay calm, slowed down and carried on with what I was doing in a gliding fashion.

Well I've blabbed on too long today.
Sending hugs to everyone

[DustingMyselfOff]

Sounds like you are on your way out of your recent slump, Mrs. C. Of course there will be one step-backwards for every two steps forward, but as long as you expect that and don't let it de-rail you, you're on your way to better days!

I love your gliding approach, and I am going to snicker each time I find myself gliding around the house and will fondly think of you.

I'm off to the airport soon and will be "floating" across country for the next 9 hours. Yes, I'm anxious to be breaking my normal routine and to be stuck in a plane for the entire day and then to be responsible for two very young grandchildren, but I will never forgive myself if I don't go, and I will miss out on a lot of great memories and bonding time if I chicken out. I'm bringing my laptop so I will be checking in on all of you. Until then, let's keep gliding through life!
Sue

[Carnation]

Yes, gliding I can do and doing it with such grace.
2 days running and no panic attack. Yes, I've been highly anxious and on the brink of one, but somehow it didn't become full blown.
Saying that, I haven't entered a shop for a week, so I've that to face at some time.
But I'm not so jittery and a little more confident.
Blurry eyes not so much, which I think is part of the spaced out feeling or in technical terms derealization, not sure I spelt that right.
But the lurgy has returned and did my best to kill it with brandy and hot water. Had the most horrendous nightmare last night that woke me at 3am. My late mum and dad was in it and not at their best. I won't go in to the details, because it's too disturbing.
Luckily the fridge is stocked full with that online delivery I do regularly now.
I'm learning that not everything you order arrives as you might think. My slippers came a couple of days ago and two sizes too small. :( so still slipper less.

Yesterday I spent a couple of hours in the garden. Potted around a bit, sat for a while and hung out some much needed laundry. It was cold, but the sun was very warm. I quite like that if you wrap up warm its quite therapeutic.
My muscle twitching has calmed down too, but I seem to be tripping over my feet alot. Could be my new gliding.

Think it might be a day of chilling, tv and hot soup today.

[Darksky]

I hope you've turned a corner Mrs.C, it certainly sounds like it. Not good about your slippers. It's so annoying when you've waited for a parcel and there's something wrong with it when it arrives.
its gone so cold, we were froze last night. Glad to get back in.

really tired today. I don't think I slept last night at all. Mr. D was up with a pain under his left rib, I reckon probably where his stomach sits. Like a knife apparently. Pain killers did nothing and neither did gaveson. He's not good with pain and acts like he needs an ambulance. He's got the remnants of it today and is walking round frowning with a preoccupied look on his face. I get so twitchy when others are ill, for myself much less so but I hate it when others aren't right. Hope we both get some sleep tonight and he gets over this soon. He's closed in on himself and is barely speaking, as normal when something's wrong. He's told me to stop staring at him

[Carnation]

Hi Darksky,

I get that pain alot tell him.
It's either a pulled muscle, acid, wind or apparently an anxiety symptom. I've had it dozens of times. Like a knife cutting in to you or a severe stitch. It goes of its own accord. You could try telling him all that. x