Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Team.
Just checking in with a short note to say I'm here, I love this thread, and I love it's members. It's like having a family that actually understands!

Yes, Mrs. C, the "relaxing" days can be good and are definitely necessary, but too many of them in a row can backfire as we have too much time on our hands to think and research and pay attention to every sensation in our bodies. As with everything, moderation is key. That's why I hope this part-time job I just acquired will keep things in a good balance: enough things that I am committed to and responsible for that I have to get up and out and functioning, and enough time to just be a couch potato if that's what the mood calls for. Enough time to reflect, but not so much that I obsess.

I also think these occasional viruses and flu's are a cloud with a silver lining, at least for me. When I have indications that I am TRULY ill from a physical source, it gives me the validation to hit the couch and do nothing. And it takes my mind off the sensations that I think are caused by anxiety because I can instead blame them on the virus. So for the few days when I am actually ill, my anxiety takes a break. Sad but true. But I better be careful what I wish for, right?

Plant and animal life..... so amazing and mesmerizing. They are all miracles, and it's great that we are fortunate enough to appreciate that and enjoy them. I try to surround myself with as much animal and plant life as possible and it never fails to bring smiles. Perhaps we should all chip in and purchase an island somewhere that would only allow plants, animals, and anxiety-prone humans?

Here's to better days, but knowing that there will be bad ones and mediocre ones in between.
Sue

[Carnation]

Welcome back Sue

Yesterday was yet another lazy day for me, but we did have to pop out to the village shop for something and strangely enough there was a queue to the cash out, one of my dreads. I go there because normally there are not any queues and rarely people. So there I was waiting behind a lady that happened to be the shop owner who messed up my magazine orders 3 times in the last 3 months. The same lady who revved up my stress levels a few of days ago and turned me into Mrs Dizzy. I felt a twinge of anger and half of me wanted to tap her on the shoulder and say something like "remember me, the person who you keep forgetting, who could actually get the magazines online cheaper, but I like to do my bit to keep the high street shops going". It's not like me to feel this way, but she comes across as a very stern, sharp tongued person, never a smile who is always blaming her staff and I don't like that. She also puts my magazines of interest on the ceiling shelf so I can't reach and I have to keep saying, "excuse me, can you get me"? And in return I get lots of sighs and rolling eyes. I know it's no big deal and life's too short to worry and there are bigger and more important issues to worry about, but for me I went in to that shop with confidence and came out like I'd been railroaded. It is the small niggles that get to me more! Anyway, she didn't notice me or make any attempt to look behind as she was making small chat with the assistant about the new Downtown Abbey film. So I had to wait posed in a calm position. I solved this slightly by scanning the shelves and items around me and by the time I was served the was another 4 people behind me.
Anyway, managed it, no dizziness, no panic and job done!
Phew! So, it's keep calm, keep quiet, keep focused, keep patient and keep going!
And to make life easier I'm now looking for somewhere else to get my mags.

On a good note, virus seems to be wavering away and not so lightheaded.

[Carnation]

I'm sitting here thinking how pathetic my last post was.
It's not like it's a matter of life and death.
So why does this sort of thing bother me so much?
Why does it get under my skin?
Why does it make me feel panicky?
And if I read that post from someone we else, I'd probably think, "what's the crisis"?
Is a case of being the 'victim' again?
And I'm really not a 'want, want, want' person.
If there was someone else who wanted the last item in a shop, I'd let them have it.
Unless it was potatoes.
And I've done that hundreds of times and Mr C tells me off, because we go without.
Here I go again, rambling about everything and nothing.
I'll leave it there.

[DustingMyselfOff]

I hope you don't mind or take offense to this, Mrs. C., but I found your second post comical and it made me chuckle and smile. While I was reading the first one about your frustrations at the shop, I was feeling sympathetic and understanding how and why it's the seemingly little things that push us over the edge. But then when I read your second one, I realized, you're right! If we were reading about that situation anywhere else but on this forum we would think the person writing it was some sort of egotistical control freak that we would NOT like to associate with. But reading it here, I know that is not the case and, on the contrary, know that you are a giving, caring, sensitive, warm human being. So go ahead and vent away in this forum because it's in here where we can relate and understand.

I'm feeling myself going into a physical and mental place that I used to feel often, and I don't like it. Yesterday I started feeling anxious and panicky and couldn't imagine why so tried to ignore it. Then a few hours later a bunch of physical symptoms all cropped up, ones I hadn't had in a while yet very familiar, and then it dawned on me that this is EXACTLY what I used to go through every time we changed the dose of my thyroid meds! But we have NOT changed my dose, so I was very confused. Then I remembered: a few weeks ago the pharmacy started giving me the generic brand instead of the brand name because my new insurance won't pay for anything except generic. And the reason me and my doc don't like the generic is because the quality control system is not as strict and the dosages can vary slightly from bottle to bottle. So now I'm between a rock and a hard place: accept that I'm going to go through a pretty much constant state of this underlying illness/anxiety on a regular basis or suck it up and pay the big bucks out of pocket for the brand name drug. I was hoping I was just going through a phase due to the virus I picked up or still recovering from my trip, but no.... I know this feeling and these symptoms all too well to know it's the thyroid drug doing this. So like you, Mrs. C, I'm sitting here thinking I should stop griping about the little things and be grateful it's not something more serious, yet frustrated and angry that every time something starts to get better, something else gets worse.

It's a beautiful weather day, and there are so many things I should and could be doing today that would be productive, but when I'm feeling like this, all I want to do is crawl under a rock (or a blanket) and hide from the world and accomplish nothing.
Sue

[Darksky]

Is it a confrontation thing? I know we can turn into people pleasers and take crap that we wouldnt if we were different. Then beating ourselves up because we don't stand up for ourselves. But anxiety or not, I would definately be getting my mags from another shop. Her customer service sounds appaling. If I treated customers like that we would have no business. Vote with your feet and don't give her another penny and think yourself lucky you don't work for her. Then forget it, don't sweat the small stuff. It's just not important in your life.

you are lucky Sue, having good weather. It's awful here, rain after rain after rain. Wet dogs, wet floors and soggy bottoms on jean legs. Whatever happened to crisp Autumn days.

[Carnation]

I think it is a confrontation thing Darksky.
Anyway I've changed it to somewhere else, who will deliver if I ever need them to.
Without anxiety I would just put up with it, but eliminating things that make you feel worse I think is the way to go.
It could even be the root fear of shops.
Some shops even ask you personal details to set up an account. Then there's the queues or the flip side of no one being there to serve you.
As they say, "you reap what you sow'.
And having been in the public sector myself, it's difficult to swallow bad service.
Still, online shopping has become a bit of a habit now.

[Carnation]

Sue, how are you feeling?

I know you are dead cert that the meds have brought on these feelings, but could going back to work be a possibility, even an addition? Just a thought.

Of course I don't take offence. I often feel like two different people, maybe 3 or 4. My thoughts, feelings and mood change as much as the weather. That's it, I'll blame the weather.
Who knows why the small things upset us so much or get under our skin.
Just recently a friend of mine was unfortunately involved in a car crash. She and hubby are ok and she dealt with it all in her stride. But she went to a shop, yep those shops again, the assistant was a bit rude and she burst in to tears.
So I'm beginning to think it's not the catastrophes in life that we can't deal with, it's the people!

[Darksky]

I do think rudeness in shops is becoming more common. We were out the other day and went through the till. The assistant was bored, uninterested and gave off a real, can't be bothered to do this attitude. After we'd packed, I said loudly, well she's oozing job satisfaction.
Maybe it's harsh, we don't know people's stories so we shouldn't judge.
i suppose customers can be equally rude, I've seen them at tills, browsing the Internet on their phones, not even making eye contact with the person serving them.
maybe it's just society today, I don't know.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Mrs. C.
Thank you for your thoughts on my falling back into an uncomfortable place. I SINCERELY appreciate it when you (and others) provide their feedback and objective opinions because when we are going through our ups and downs it's really hard to think clearly and see things for the way they really are. We look for and grasp at any explanation that will give us "the answer" because that in itself seems to bring a bit of peace. But we're not very good at self-diagnosing ourselves, especially when we're going through something, so I love that people on this thread and forum take the time to offer their perspective and thoughts.

Because of your comment, I am going to consider that maybe it's NOT the change in thyroid meds putting me back in this place. Yes, the symptoms (physical and mental) feel exactly like what I felt in the past during dose changes, but that doesn't mean that's the only factor. I do have other factors: the trip I just returned from, the illness I picked up while traveling, the new job, etc. So I am going to be hopeful that maybe it IS something other than just the med change and that maybe this too shall pass. I'll give it 2 months and if I'm still feeling this way, then I will probably go back to the brand name medication, but hopefully I'll feel better in a few weeks.

Regarding the discussion about it being people that push us over the edge more than situations, I totally agree. I have said several times in the past week that jobs are more about the people you work with than the job itself. Co-workers can make or break a job. They can make your days miserable or they can fulfill them. So I'm still trying to get to know the MANY people at the new job and figure out who I can trust, who I should watch out for, who I should try to stay away from, etc. I saw a big difference between two different work days and it was all based on who I was at the shelter with. The day I had the "big wigs" and the Board of Directors assisting me and training me, it was very nerve-wracking and with someone watching your every move and trying to "help you" do things the way they do, you end up not finding your OWN way to do things. Yesterday I had the place to myself for 4 hours, I was in charge of the volunteers, I was able to give injections and medicate the sick cats and do the proper paperwork for each step without a hitch, and the volunteers and I all got along great and actually enjoyed our work. So time will tell how much time I will have there on my own and how many shifts I will be working with the higher-ups, but as we all know, their egos can sometimes make it difficult to enjoy being around them. Granted, they have huge hearts and are doing what they do for the love of animals, but their personalities sometimes affect everyone else around them. Kinda like in life, in shops, at parties, in medical offices, etc. It's the people, not the circumstances!

I go out of my way while out in public to make everyone feel comfortable, appreciated, and try to make them smile and laugh, and sometimes I wonder why I feel so much pressure to do that. I guess it's just who I am, and thankfully it usually comes back to me with rewards. But of course there are always the exceptions who you can't seem to break through to, so I try to just understand that they must be very unhappy people and offer my silent sympathy.
Sue

[Carnation]

Sue, I think you have to take all those issues into consideration for the way you are feeling.
Lack of sleep is a prime factor as a culprit, so is illness, extra stress and pushing yourself too hard.
You know yourself that you need everything to settle down before you can detect the cause.
How right you are about being able to help others when we struggle so with our own demons.
They call that 'outside looking in' perspective.

Darksky, there is no excuse for rudeness no matter what is going on in your life. What benefit do these people gain by being this way? Quite the opposite I think.
It's like the rolling affect of letting a car out at a junction. You do it and they are more likely to do it for someone else.

Anyway, had a good hours walk tonight. Something I've not done for a couple of months at least. Yes, I was anxious, nervous and wanted to rush back home, but I stayed my ground and did it! And that's with my virus or whatever it is still quite potent within in me. I'm assuming it's a virus because it's been with me for some weeks now and I clearly remember my mum telling me it was her 6th or 7th week and she still hadn't got rid of it and that's exactly what I've heard from locals around town. You get a better dsy, think you are on the mend and wake up the next day feeling like you've had a visit from Mr Lurgy.
I'm cooking up chicken broth like there's no tomorrow.

As for the anxiety? I'm always conscious of saying I'm feeling better in that department when it comes back in full throttle the next day, so for now I'll say I'm coping.
But I will say the affirmations are helping, as is the rest and sleep, lots of reading to understand why we have anxiety. And I'll leave on this note that I read that gave me a feeling of comfort. 'Anxiety is a sign of a healthy body and mind.' In a weird way, I can understand that.