Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Hi Mrs M ,

The Claire Weekes I normally listen to is 'Freedom from Nervous Suffering' which is over a hour long. But there are ten minute videos which is mainly a break up of her longer one.

The depression I get is related to my anxiety, mainly due to the frustration of finding it difficult to lead a normal life and the cost chatter in my head and the symptoms that go along with it. It's more like a black cloud on a sinn day feeling. It's not all the time and sometimes it may be just for the day, other times in might be weeks and no particular trigger, it just comes.

My lack of confirm has been for as long as I can remember. Being shy goes hand in hand and as you get older shy people are very good at masking that. I know some people that are very giggly or even appear to be outgoing. It's really about insecurities, so anxiety could well be the culprit.

My cat was also a rescue, in fact all my cats have been rescued. So I've had many issues to overcome with their anxieties. They normally turnout to be very loving whey they gain your trust.

Hope you have a good day today Mrs M x

[Carnation]

Hi Sue

I expect you are back in your next shift by now, raring to go with all cylinders fired.
I know this is what gives you a rush and energy to be doing something worthwhile.
Just keep reminding them you can't keep up that pace for too long. In my opinion, they probably won't want anyone else and rather have you continue. With your dedication and passion, why would they want anyone else?
So, keep mentioning it and maybe say how tired you are becoming and jokingly mention you only wanted to work a few days a week and your now there all the time! Keep saying it everyday, because ignorance can fall on deaf ears.
I wonder whether you were a little depressed when you first retired thinking, "is this it then? And what do I do with myself now?" So finding this job is a good thing and you chose wisely because its something you can be passionate about. Just watch the slave driving and I'll make sure to remind you that.
What am I saying? I'm exactly like you, so will probably go," yeah alright, I'm ok, I'm enjoying myself, I know my limitations". Must be that outside looking in thing.

On the subject of animals, you mention your huge dog. My god, what is it? And I hope it's not a lap dog.

[Carnation]

So, yesterday.....

I wasn't expecting anything miraculous, because I know how recovery can be unpredictable. But went out anyway, ready to face the world with my new CBT skills and my head filled with positive affirmations.

We had to pop in to the corner shop first because I had ordered something and it had come in.
This means communicating, waiting while they get the item. Surprisingly, I was absolutely fine and felt quite composed.
Next stop was the Post Office where Mr C goes in on his own and I wait in the car.
Not this time. In I went and managed it like it was a cool breeze.
Next stop to the hairdressers so Mr C could get a haircut.
Again, no problem.
When back home, went for a walk again and feeling quite proud of my day's challenges.

What I've actually been doing is NOT been using alot of coping/safety tools that I normally use.
Like reverting to my phone for distraction, keep sipping my bottle of water, walking around with my coat open incase I get a hot flush and many other rituals that I think help me.
I've basically not thought about it, allowed whatever to happen to me, no matter how scary the thought may be and just done it.
Now, I'm not saying my anxieties have gone completely because I still have the negative thoughts and the fear, but I'm practising and questioning the way that it affects me.
Only time will heal and change the way I think and feel, but it's definitely improving.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

So, yesterday.....

I wasn't expecting anything miraculous, because I know how recovery can be unpredictable. But went out anyway, ready to face the world with my new CBT skills and my head filled with positive affirmations.

We had to pop in to the corner shop first because I had ordered something and it had come in.
This means communicating, waiting while they get the item. Surprisingly, I was absolutely fine and felt quite composed.
Next stop was the Post Office where Mr C goes in on his own and I wait in the car.
Not this time. In I went and managed it like it was a cool breeze.
Next stop to the hairdressers so Mr C could get a haircut.
Again, no problem.
When back home, went for a walk again and feeling quite proud of my day's challenges.

What I've actually been doing is NOT been using alot of coping/safety tools that I normally use.
Like reverting to my phone for distraction, keep sipping my bottle of water, walking around with my coat open incase I get a hot flush and many other rituals that I think help me.
I've basically not thought about it, allowed whatever to happen to me, no matter how scary the thought may be and just done it.
Now, I'm not saying my anxieties have gone completely because I still have the negative thoughts and the fear, but I'm practising and questioning the way that it affects me.
Only time will heal and change the way I think and feel, but it's definitely improving.

Wow Carnation well done you! You have really took the cbt on board and quietened that negative chatter in your head. I am so proud of you. You are clearly well loved in this forum- you come across as such a lovely person - so you should have confidence in yourself.

You say the depression comes from the restrictions due to the anxiety- but yet you felt the fear and carried on yesterday anyway and didn’t need your safety behaviours. So in time the depression should lift too xxxx

[Carnation]

Yes, I hope so Mrs M

Awwww, thanks Mrs M, but I'm nothing special, just another cog in society, but I do my best to be as kind as I can and help others. x

[Mrsmitchell1984]

You are definitely not another cog in society. I am sure lots of people can back me
up.

xxxx

[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Sue

I expect you are back in your next shift by now, raring to go with all cylinders fired.
I know this is what gives you a rush and energy to be doing something worthwhile.
Just keep reminding them you can't keep up that pace for too long. In my opinion, they probably won't want anyone else and rather have you continue. With your dedication and passion, why would they want anyone else?
So, keep mentioning it and maybe say how tired you are becoming and jokingly mention you only wanted to work a few days a week and your now there all the time! Keep saying it everyday, because ignorance can fall on deaf ears.
I wonder whether you were a little depressed when you first retired thinking, "is this it then? And what do I do with myself now?" So finding this job is a good thing and you chose wisely because its something you can be passionate about. Just watch the slave driving and I'll make sure to remind you that.
What am I saying? I'm exactly like you, so will probably go," yeah alright, I'm ok, I'm enjoying myself, I know my limitations". Must be that outside looking in thing.

On the subject of animals, you mention your huge dog. My god, what is it? And I hope it's not a lap dog.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

You are so much like me that it's scary, but it's a good thing because you completely understand my cycles and my mindset, so keep being my guardian, OK? I haven't even been at this job for a month yet but I think I must have already established myself as a "keeper" because they are giving me things to do that they only give seasoned employees and have already left me alone at the place several times (which I actually prefer). So soon, I am going to start letting them hear some of my deal breakers and list of demands of things I will need and want if I am to continue there.

Yes, when I retired it was such a culture shock that it was a bit scary and depressing. I think this "part time" job is the perfect solution in many ways and I keep reminding myself that if I ever want to go back to full time retirement, it's only a 2-week notice away, and it will not be the gut-wrenching decision it was to leave my full time, corporate job.

One of our rescue dogs is 160 pounds, and is a Saint Dane: half Saint Bernard and half Great Dane. Such a sweet, gentle giant (thank God). And yes, he would love to be a lapdog but since he's bigger than me, all he can do is lean against me.

Now I'm off to read your next post.
Sue

[DustingMyselfOff]

Mrs. C..... I love it! I think you have found the perfect coping mechanism, and it's to lighten your load of coping mechanisms! The more we prepare for and anticipate having bad experiences, the more we project them onto ourselves and create them into realities. It's the opposite of positive affirmations. So jumping out of the plane once in a while without triple-checking your parachute seems to work well for you and I hope you can continue to practice it.

I think that was one of the key things that helped reduce my anxiety about 6 months ago. I was always plagued with anticipatory anxiety about all the awful situations that might happen in which I would embarrass myself in the office setting, but once I left there, I started developing a "who cares?" attitude of thinking, "so what if I freak out while in public, I'll just leave?" I think being trapped and not being able to leave a board meeting or a meeting where I couldn't get out unnoticed made it worse because on top of the anxiety, I felt trapped. The "so what if it does happen?" attitude goes a long way in reducing the anticipatory anxiety which, in turn, reduces our general anxiety.

I know, you don't want to get your hopes up too high for fear of being disappointed, and you certainly don't want to think this is the magic potion that will cure all your troubles, but it's certainly a great new tool to have and use! Combining the reduction of safety nets with the addition of positive affirmations might just be the perfect recipe!

go get 'em, Tiger!
Sue

[Carnation]

Awwww Sue, you say the nicest things to me. x

I've just been out again to the local farm and to its shop, then Mr C drove in to town to a shop where I could get a new coat and ended up with a jumper instead.
Coming out of the shop there was a lady with an Alaskan Malamute puppy. We stopped to chat, yes I was standing chatting, well mainly fussing the puppy, but I was socialising. What's happening to me? Where's my anxiety gone?

Ok, so I was a little anxious this morning, had a minor headrush in the kitchen, but I'm able to go out and do stuff. I'll take it!
Not using so safety measures seems to be helping and it's such a relief not carrying that bottle of water around with me. And clutching my phone.
I'm not quite up to anything more than what I am doing yet, but the potential is there.
Do you know what? I actually look better as well. Dare I say, healthy.

[Mrsmitchell1984]

Awwww Sue, you say the nicest things to me. x

I've just been out again to the local farm and to its shop, then Mr C drove in to town to a shop where I could get a new coat and ended up with a jumper instead.
Coming out of the shop there was a lady with an Alaskan Malamute puppy. We stopped to chat, yes I was standing chatting, well mainly fussing the puppy, but I was socialising. What's happening to me? Where's my anxiety gone?

Ok, so I was a little anxious this morning, had a minor headrush in the kitchen, but I'm able to go out and do stuff. I'll take it!
Not using so safety measures seems to be helping and it's such a relief not carrying that bottle of water around with me. And clutching my phone.
I'm not quite up to anything more than what I am doing yet, but the potential is there.
Do you know what? I actually look better as well. Dare I say, healthy.

yaaay Carnation- what brilliant news xxxx.