Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[clio51]

Whete do you find your strength from Carnation? When youve had an anxiety fuelled day or night? Thats if you still have them?

Partner wanted to go out today and straight away i panicked thinking im here on my own
Will i be ok. I got angry with myself then and thought your bloody 60 woman pull yourself together. I said id go do bit in garden as i felt guilty then
Anyway he decided he wouldnt go(which i secretly was happy about) and i plucked the courage up and went to my sisters with him(not good in socialable situations) but was ok
Maybe help of diazepam though. Ive come back and feel s.. again , nearly tea time and i know it may be s case of forcing it down as ive got that nausea feeling i get when anxiety is higher and feeling overwhelmed and bit tired. Cant decide wether to get out in garden or relax

[Buster70]

So got to the market this morning eyes barely open , a few shallow breaths later and unlike everyone else walking on tarmac I felt like I was walking on mattresses ( do you get that feeling ) mentally told it to sod off and it soon did , carried on quite normally, later had to go view a car with daughter , as soon as I got there I thought car dealer posing as private seller he was a big cocky looking chap but I didn't feel fazed surprising given some days I would barely be breathing , so asked him a few questions my daughter had already asked and got different answers , also asked where he lived as he was waiting on the street and the log book didn't match , he was lying through his teeth so said we didn't want it , daughter thanked me on the way home saying she found him very intimidating and pushy so was glad she didn't have to deal with him , no car but not ripped off either .
I would not go with naming the dog after the first thing you see partly because they usually disgrace them selves on the way home and more importantly because what ever you choose you and mr c will be shouting it for the next 12 to 16 years ooooo tinker bell will soon ware thin , dogs all have very different personalities so ideally you should wait a year to see what suits them but in that case mine would be called Scrounger , whinny and OI!!
Maybe there is a good side to what's going on in my life it's pushing me out of my comfort zone which I do need , better to burn out not fade away .
Sorry I got your push bike all wrong I'll rethink it ,more steampunk rock chick than Mary poppings .

[fishman65]

Walking on mattresses Buster, that's a familiar sensation. I felt exactly that the other morning when I woke, only to find I actually was walking on a mattress

The dog naming Carnation...I know a joke about native American indians and giving names based on the first thing seen when the wigwam is opened, though probably not repeatable here

[Carnation]

Hi Clio ,
Yes, I do still have anxiety, but I am controlling and coping with it better.
It does take tremendous strength and determination and to a point, a 'No Fear' attitude.
I know that feeling so well when you are suddenly deserted and left alone and you start to feel panicky, before anything has actually happened.
I only get through it by keeping occupied and having lots of chores to do, which I plough through until I have no energy left!
The thought of just sitting and relaxing when I am on my own, is nearer enough impossible for me, but I am working on it, bit by bit.
I think when you can not decide whether to go in the garden or relax or do a chore indoors, the best thing is to what you actually want to do and feel like doing at the time. Don't force anything too severely. Half the battle in overcoming the fear is the 'Wanting' to do something, not because you have to or think you should, you have to 'Want' to do it.

---------- Post added at 23:04 ---------- Previous post was at 22:25 ----------

Buster, yes I do get that feeling! 'walking on a mattress'.
Also, walking on a boat, walking on a fluffy cloud, a moving conveyor belt, bouncy castle, the list is endless, but it all means the same feeling.
I feel my feet are sometimes behind my body and that feeling when they feel heavy like I am wearing bricks for soles in my shoes.
The most comforting aspect to all of this, is we all feel the same things and we all have anxiety. Because you do feel like you are losing it and feel like the only one at the time.

I'm going to nick name you 'Ninja' Buster. You seem to be bulldozing your way through thick and thin at the moment. Maybe we will see you on 'Ninja Warrior'. I love that show. It's hilarious and gives me courage to walk outside when they have to battle all of those apparatus things. Especially love the run up to the high wall at the end. To me, it resembles Anxiety!!

I'm a mixed up bag Buster, I am a bit Mary Poppins, Steampunk, (ageing) Rock Chick, Wonder Woman; just call me 'Heinz', because I'm all mixed up!

Well done on the car thing.

---------- Post added at 23:05 ---------- Previous post was at 23:04 ----------

fishman, I know that joke about the Native American Indian, but I am too much of a lady to comment.

---------- Post added at 23:36 ---------- Previous post was at 23:05 ----------

So, what's been occurring with me?

Yesterday we went to the beach and finished off decked on the Pier.
The Pier is like walking on a mattress for real! A big test for my anxiety with all those wooden slats and gaps and water slashing against and underneath me.
It's a real test to stay focussed and put one foot in front of the other and aim for your destination; like off the pier!
Got too hot, started panicking about sun stroke and made a quick exit for a '99 cornet, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

Did some gardening today and could hear my heart beating in my ear every time I lent forward. Ignored it and carried on and didn't die.
Got bitten by two knats. Not together and not in the same place.
Plucked up the courage to ask our neighbour out for day next weekend.
Got an invitation to a party in June, which I accepted and involves a lot of people, a live band, food I don't like and in a pub.
So, I thought, I would eat before going, show my face, stand in the pub garden so I can make a sly and quick exit and no-one will be any the wiser.

Still haven't plucked up the courage for any driving, but I will, I can feel the urge arising within me. If nothing else, it will stop me from being a backseat driver.
"Watch that lady crossing the road, that child, there's a bend coming up, slow down, there's a roundabout", I constantly nag to Mr C and he is clearly sick of it.
I reply, "I can't help it, I need you to know the dangers for me to feel safe".
He replies, "Do you want to drive the car?" To which I say, "That's a bit below the belt, you know I don't drive anymore". Which leaves him the opening to say, "Well, just let me drive then".

I was thinking today about my mum and now realise that she must have suffered with anxiety too. I know she had hypertension, because the GP told her enough times.
But after dad had passed, she wouldn't go outside, just her garden out the back and even that stopped eventually.
She even piled up the rubbish at the front door and left it for me to take out and it never dawned on me that she was that afraid to venture out on her own, despite having excellent neighbours. She would only go out, if I took her out.
At the time, I just thought she was grieving, but I now think it was anxiety playing a part in this. I can relate to how she feels now and to some extent, I have turned in to a version of my own mother and I didn't see it coming.

What prevents us from going out or being alone is 'Fear'! Frightened I will collapse, fall, feel funny, die! To prevent any of this from happening, we cocoon ourselves in our homes with our comforts and familiarity and safe zones. But what is really happening, is we are fuelling our feelings and the longer this goes on the harder the task is of venturing out in to the big wide world.
I don't particularly want to venture anyway in particular, but I would like the option to do so if I want and be able to self sufficient and not depend on anyone or anything.
Why does this happen to some people and not others?
My seventy something neighbour told me she fainted once when she was out, but it didn't stop her from carrying on as normal. She lives on her own and she seems to have 'No Fear'!
So, if something frightens me, I am going to try and shrug it off and say, "What the heck, I'll go for it anyway".

Until next time.........

[pulisa]

My take on this is that you are actually safer outside because someone will help you if you collapse. If you stay at home and are on your own who would know?
I know that becoming housebound is not an option for me and this does help because I have to go out. I've never fainted although I feel I've come close to it. My home does not feel a safe place for me so I'm probably better outside anyway.

[Buster70]

Well we're do I start with that lot ? Firstly ninja warrior I'm more binger warrior I'm not sleeping so I can't stop eating to get some energy, if I did enter ninga warrior I'd start at the end and slide down
Next I'm changing your name from carnation to hyacinth ( bucket ) Richard watch the pedestrian .
Being on the pier I'm soooooooooooooo jealous im normally planning going away but now
I'm just trying to stay afloat .
For a new comer reading this or one of my posts it could come across like we are doing fine me joking away you out on the pier and tulisa coming across as solid as a rock , but I know on a bad day or night it feels like your sanity is hanging by a thread , thing is we have been there so many times you start to accept it for what it is a temporary feeling that does pass .
There are sinkers and swimmers I think the vast majority of people on here are swimmers it not all of them know it , they just need to learn how to swim ( does that make sense ? Well it does in my bowl of noodles ) .
Didn't feel so good today probably catching up on me going to bed in the early hours then getting up a few hours later , anxiety keeps trying to get its foot in the door like a big ugly bailiff but I keep pushing the settee against the door and not letting it in feck off no ones in and if we were we are not buying .
Think I'm rambling on so I'll bugger off until I know what I'm talking about, could be some time .
Take care .

[Carnation]

Just checking in briefly as I am nursing a sting I got today and at the moment, I can not sit down as it was on my bum!

[Carnation]

Needless to say I had a terrible night's sleep last night, but the swelling and redness has gone down thanks to the use of toothpaste! Never used before on stings, but it works very effectively.

[fishman65]

Do you mean an insect sting Carnation?

[Carnation]

Yes Fishman. What a place to get one, I couldn't even sit down to eat my dinner last night and had to sleep on my stomach, which made me very hot and agitated.
A bit better today, thank God!

---------- Post added at 22:17 ---------- Previous post was at 21:20 ----------

So, I've not been so active the last few days.
1. Because I have another gum infection, which was self inflicted because I was too heavy handed with the flossing.
2. I got stung by an insect, don't know what and it left me feeling very uncomfortable and unable to sit down or sleep very well.

The strange thing is the anxiety seems to have taken a back seat, while I fret and nurse over these things. Somehow the worry of walking and passing out has not even entered my head. It's been more......"ouch, God this stings, and my aching mouth". It's all survival, at the end of the day and when you get something wrong with you, it takes precedence over the anxiety.
Just having a good night's sleep and being able to sit down to eat without my mouth or bum hurting has now become my priority.

My take on this is that you are actually safer outside because someone will help you if you collapse. If you stay at home and are on your own who would know?
I know that becoming housebound is not an option for me and this does help because I have to go out. I've never fainted although I feel I've come close to it. My home does not feel a safe place for me so I'm probably better outside anyway.

Pulisa, I tend to want to be outside rather than inside for purely that fact!
And it's outside I run to when I feel panicky or flushing or any of those symptoms that make you feel like something bad is about to happen.
If I am left alone, I would rather be outside.
But, as I can't be left alone anyway due to my monphobia, I am grateful, because otherwise I'd be outside all the time!
I am getting better though, because today my partner was outside and I didn't even realise it. I was so occupied with my bite, that after half an hour, I realised my O/H wasn't even indoors.

Buster, I hope you feel a bit better and caught up on those zzzzzzzzzzz.
It must be a nightmare for you at the moment.
And not to sound condescending, this situation could be the making of you.
Well, that's what my mum used to say to me, when I struggled to go to the hospital, get in the lift, (which I feared), catching something nasty in there, collapsing in there and ending up in a bed in the next ward and then repeating the whole thing again
for near enough 3 months! And that's not even mentioning catching MRSI and getting rigged up with overalls and face masks and gloves and where was her ward? Top floor, of course. I couldn't even tell my mum that I was being evicted from the family home, because the Council wanted her money for care.
Oh yes, "bring it on", became my motto.

Ok, that's enough of that talk.
There's always some good in life, if you look for it.
I've spent three days watching the sea at it's best, thoroughly enjoyed a 99' flake and anxiety stayed locked in it's box.
Just don't floss aggressively or sit on a seat with wooden slats, so that insects can sneak up from down under and bite your bum!

Until next time.........