It's been a challenging couple of weeks for me, what am I saying? It's always challenging, but I've felt of late a morose with the constant battling with day to day life.
Although I work better with a routine, it's not ideal for the brain or feeling motivated. I feel like I'm just ticking away days, weeks, months with very little to show for it.
I haven't found any class or club to go to and I question myself to whether I'm up to that yet?
It would only take someone to ask me if I'm ok to make me run away like Usain Bolt.
I don't have any confidence or trust in people and find it hard to let people in.
So maybe the answer is to do something with animals. What? I don't know, but I'll find something. Whether it's dog walking, sitting, feeding, there must be something out there. Maybe the Spring is the best time to seek something.
On to a completely different subject...
I'm dreaming so much about my late mum.
They are not comforting dreams, but uncomfortable.
I'm realising there's still some closure needed and I don't think time is the essence.
I don't really want to relive those moments but my emotions definite need some closure.
As for my general daily grind with anxiety, it's very up and down. I'm re-looking at my diet and found pineapple not only beneficiary to my acid reflux, but read it was helpful for anxiety too. Come to think of it, I often used to have a pineapple juice in my younger years. For once, it's something very pleasant on the list of positive food and drink.
I've also been struggling with my sinuses and whatever I do or try, I still have it. 5 months now and basically continued on from the hay fever. I get the odd day of relief, but most days I'm suffering with what feels like a cold every day. Roll on the days when we can turn off the central heating, because I'm sure that doesn't help.
Apart from that, I've been taking the winter weeks to read yet more self-help books.
And there's one key factor in all of them.
You have to help yourself and change your lifestyle.
Whether it is diet, routine, work, associations and especially thoughts. If you don't change anything, how are we supposed to feel any different?
And I know there are situations when it is difficult to change your lifestyle as I was carer for near enough 10 years living a 24/7 duty which was very much a routine.
But you can do something about your diet, activities, your outlook. And I know full well how difficult that can be, but even one small change can make a difference to how you feel.