Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Hi Sue, always good to hear from you x

I never like to hear of anyone being upset, especially someone I know. And I've been in your situation many times Sue, too many times!
It's not just about being sensitive or triggering past traumas, people often overstep the mark and this can come from our family and friends which makes it more effective in the personal jab.
I'm so pleased you spoke to the friend in question about how it affected you. Too many times we bottle up hurt and our bodies suffer as a result.
And although I hate the thought of you being upset, a good cry does you no harm at all and all those other pent up niggles will be added in the mix.
I want to take this opportunity to tell you that you are one of the nicest people I've met in a very long time. x ❤️

As for your social event....
Don't we just hate them. There could be a gold bar sitting for you at your table and it still wouldn't be enough to encourage a mindset of going.
Preplanned is the worst. Off the cuff might be more easier. And we do so worry about how we are going to perform and whether anxiety wants to make a complete fool of us let alone the response of others if you get your words mixed up, fidget, stare in to space, sweat profusely or run to to the loo mid conversation.
Anxiety symptoms are so unpredictable, no warning, no peace.
But because we want to live and be part of normal life, we put our best foot forward and go for it.
If it is successful, we are filled with confidence and if it is not, we return home shaking our head muttering never again". Time passes and we try again at some point and so it goes on.
But it's better to try than not otherwise you'll always be wondering whether you should have or not.
Be choosy select your choices wisely and opt out of the ones that are no benefit to you and your wellbeing. xx

[pulisa]

I hope it wasn't as bad as you were fearing, Sue..I hate anticipatory anxiety..It's just the pits. I agree with Carnation-We have earned the right to pick and choose what we go to socially. We CAN be selective and it's ok.

[Scass]

Thanks for the info re yoga video, I will have a look.
Hope your thumb is better soon x


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[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Team.
I must still be feeling emotional because your nice comments made me well up with tears..... thank you. Regarding the dinner/social event, I broke down and cheated. Perhaps it's not cheating at all, but for some reason I always feel that way when I take a tranquilizer to help me get through an event. As the time grew closer my husband suggested that we take the motorcycle to the dinner and since he and I haven't been out on it at all this year, I said "OK". And then I heard my doctor's voice in my head saying "be kind to yourself" and I remembered my tranquilizers. I haven't taken one in, gee, I can't remember the last time, so I gave myself permission to take the edge off of my anxiety a little. The evening went well and even though I felt like I was checking myself all night, it was not unpleasant. No physical symptoms and no embarrassing episodes of struggling or excusing myself. On the ride home I was comfortable enough that I suggested my husband take a right turn instead of a left turn so that we could go to our local ice cream shop before going home.... I decided I should reward myself.

So the night was fine, but today (and a lot lately) I am finding myself sinking into a funk or a rut. Even though almost every aspect of my life is good and as I want it to be, I'm feeling bored and as if I'm sick of the routine. It's odd I should feel that way, especially since I have three kittens at home that I am fostering for the shelter and they keep me quite busy, but still, I'm feeling in a rut. I think a big part of it might be the weather..... I'm so sick of waking up and seeing the scorching sun. The days are getting shorter but they are not getting cooler so all the things I would like to be doing outdoors are still waiting.... it's just too humid and hot. I think if I were physically moving more, either by walking the dog or going to the gym, I would feel better, but I'm afraid to go to the gym because of the virus, and my town has become a hot spot for gangs and shootings lately to the point where I don't feel there is any safe place to walk except my block, and I'm bored with the same old block!

OK, enough whining. My life is so much better than a lot of people's and I have a lot to be grateful for. I'll focus on that today. And I'm grateful for all of you!
Sue

[Carnation]

Aww Sue
Maybe it wasn't just that incident with the friend of yours that brought you to this emotional state. Maybe your emotions have come to a head and she put the cherry on the top so to speak.
I can hear your grievance with the disruption and fear of the gangs and who wouldn't be. Let alone the pandemic situation. You are such a brave lady. That said, we all have an inner within us that is fearful and sensitive.
I totally get where you are coming from. The terminology is 'life is mundane'! And it sort of seems unfair to say that when there are so many people suffering pain and hardship in the world. But the last 6 months have certainly been challenging and fearful.
Life is difficult enough under normal circumstances for people with anxiety. And although you've found your feet with a wonderful worthy job where you were lucky to find like minded people like yourself, the spark, the thrill, the high is missing from your life. Some people only thrive to their best with a high and that could be you.
Admittedly when it's hot and humid, you can only do the bare minimum and each day when it was like that in the UK, I did the bare minimum which leaves you feeling like you haven't achieved anything worthwhile. Once I got the chance to get outside and do things I felt far more satisfaction and you will too.
That's enough of my rambling, which is what I seem to do a lot of these days. x

[DustingMyselfOff]

Ramble away, my dear friend...... it may seem like rambling to you but I'm betting all of us always get something helpful from your posts. I know I do!

I agree, the incident with my friend was the cherry on top of the disgusting ice cream sundae disguised as the year 2020. And I found another possible cause: my old, post-menopausal body is still ovulating, or at least TRYING to release an egg. I always knew when I was ovulating and the symptoms were usually worse than when I had my actual period. A few months ago I swore I felt all the symptoms again so I decided to mark it in a calendar. I just went back and checked the calendar and it seems that about every 30 days I have made that notation. Give it up, body... no more babies for this grandma!
Sue

[Carnation]

Hi Sue,
That's interesting about the ovulation. I might have the same scenario, so will also keep a diary. x

My muscle twitches are back, so is the adrenalin running through my body and problems getting off to sleep. Took me 4 hours of endless fidgeting and switching sleeping positions to the point of exhaustion. Nothing is adamant for this. The only thing is the challenging myself a little more with going out to places not in my normal regime, a little agitation from some people we know and oh yes, the latest rules imposed by the government like the new 6 rule which wouldn't apply to me anyway. And there's the talk about the 10pm curfew which wouldn't apply to me either.
The track and test and vaccine would, but that's not a new thing. So it must be something more deeply bedded in my subconscious. As much as I try I still cannot stop worrying about the future, especially now.
On a positive, my hot flushes seemed to have stopped for a while and my floaty walking, but it does seem like when you get past one symptom, anxiety wants to chuck something else at you.

I talked about my horrendous struggles in the kitchen before. I've been trying to stand in the room doing nothing to see if I can desensitise and that only works for that particular duration and it doesn't always work.
But I have been more at ease in the evening than I have any other time of the day.
I can only put that down to all the cooking and feeding has been tended to so there is no pressure.
So it's the evenings I clear up, tidy and clean.
I've thought about prepping meals the night before, but that's not always viable and wonder whether the evening will become just as bad as the rest of the day.
It's not even about the duration because it happens when I make a cup tea or put the oven on which is only seconds.
It's a problem I've had on and off for years now. In 3 different kitchens and 3 different houses. 3 different shapes and sizes.
I've even changed the stuff around several times.
Had radio on, radio off, TV in the background, sung, talked to myself, worn different footwear, slowed my pace speeded my pace and still I have problems in the kitchen.

Hope all is well with everyone? x

[DustingMyselfOff]

That's really curious about the kitchen issue..... is this something that developed over the last few years or are we talking about having this challenge for decades now? Maybe you should get hypnotized to see if there were any trauma (in this life or a past life) that has caused this. I wonder if there is a word for fear of kitchens..... they seem to have a name for all sorts of phobias. If not, can we make one up? Frijaphobia? Sorry, not making light of it at all, just trying to bring a smile.
Sue

[Carnation]

Lol Sue, we need to keep lighthearted
Maybe I should start laughing in the kitchen, I haven't tried that one.
No, it's not been decades and used to be a chef at one point. Maybe that might have something to do with it, but I think it's something deeper, a trigger.

[Carnation]

Well, I've had a bit of an eureka moment with my anxiety in the kitchen anxiety
Before you get excited, I'm not going to say how I've overcome my anxiety in the kitchen, but I think I know what has been causing it.
How I forgot this, I really don't know or more of a case of not realising it before now.
Nearly 7 years ago I had an incident regarding a wooden kitchen cupboard.
I was preparing a meal at my parents house, making tea etc and my mum who was in the room adjacent let out a big cry. Without thinking I rushed to her aid and knocked my head very hard on the door of one of the cupboards in the kitchen. My mums cry turned out to be a false alarm and I carried on with the meal I was preparing.
A few days after I had horrendous head pain and went to the Docs to get checked out and have to say there was little they could do for me and was told that the pain could last up to 6 months. Oh boy, was he right on that one. Exactly 6 months of ice pick headaches and tenderness that left me feeling like I was going to be like that for the rest of my life.
Pleased to say that it did go away, but this would obviously leave me with fear, a trigger and a memory of when I'm in the kitchen making meals or a cuppa opening and shutting cupboard doors, it will make me supersensitive and anxious. And would explain why I'm ok with washing-up, cleaning the floor, using the washing machine, wiping down work surfaces, emptying the bin, but not with preparing meals and making a cuppa or anything that involves opening a cupboard to head height. Even putting shopping away.
My anxiety is preparing me for possible danger!