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Thread: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

  1. #2691
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I was wondering what you were up to Sue

    Wow, plane journeys, staying in hotels and a new job!
    Hey, you can't leave it there, tell us more! What is it? More details please. And I can't quite work out why you were looking for another job when you seemed so happy, made friends and settled in so nicely at the rescue centre.
    I really admire you Sue. You are so gutsy, with great determination and you are a true Warrior. x
    You must give us more tips, because compared to a couple of years ago, you were a former shadow of yourself.

    I don't mind admitting that I'm struggling, but I know others are too. The pandemic has fuelled my worry and really testing my agoraphobia. Anxiety symptoms are abundant and waves of depression seem to be a daily occurrence.
    I've even been expressing my feelings to Mr C, which is something I don't normally do. Bless him, he does his best, but he just doesn't understand.
    Yes, the affirmations, meditation and yoga help. Even the chakra healing helps for a while. And I've had days where I don't do any of these as I wondered about the old saying, too much of a good thing ".
    Although there could be explanations for this increase in anxiety. The pandemic situation for one. The rules of what we can or cannot do, which is always confuse and changeable.
    Then there's my physical worries...
    6 months ago I damaged my right hand tendon which resulted in not being to use that hand for many months and I still can't bend my thumb.
    Then I sprained the left hand a couple of weeks ago.
    If that wasn't enough, I twisted my ankle last week and was painful to walk.
    That collectively with about 6 gnat bites from working in the garden really made me feel sorry for myself. Because I'm a doer, that's what keeps me going. I can only relax if I have done something physical.
    And when trying to explain to Mr C how I feel, all I can relate is.. "I'm struggling, I don't feel right, my eyes are not focusing properly, I feel like I'm walking on a bouncy castle, I feel lightheaded like my brain is full of fluid. I feel like I'm falling forwards or swaying from side to side when I am clearly not. I'm flushed face one minute, then shivery cold the next. I'm constantly checking whether my body is too hot or too cold. And I've got it into my head that I am going to collapse at some point in the day."
    Mr C replies, " but you are not and haven't and seem perfectly normal to me." "It's all in your head".
    Maybe so, but the thoughts and the feelings just don't stop!" Was my reply. Thinking afterwards that wasn't quite true and knowing from past experience, this is a state of being highly sensitised and high anxiety.
    And because of our lifestyle change imposed on us by the Government and the doom and gloom that goes with it along with the normal woes of life, it's hardly surprising that people are struggling. Even normal people. It's just we've been there before and have the information to know what's happening to us.
    It still doesn't make it any easier.
    I'm a thinker, always have been. I could be watching a really good film and at the same time wondering how many people will be infected with the virus tomorrow or how to protect ourselves so neither Mr C or myself get ill. Or whether I have enough bread and milk to last the week. Praying everytime I brush my teeth that I'm doing a good job so I don't have to go to the dentist.
    So we plod on in our own little strange world, hoping we don't have too many thoughts to ruin it.

  2. #2692
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    May 2013
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Oh, Mrs. C..... I can so relate to your description of symptoms and the way it greatly affects your daily life and quality of living. I hope to NEVER be back there again, but if I ever am, I know this forum and this thread will help me get through it. It's an awful way to live, and I have to admit, reading your post filled me with anger at this horrible affliction! And I wonder if perhaps you are carrying around a lot of anger that needs to be let out. It's TERRIBLE the way this has affected every aspect of your life, and you must be not only depressed and anxious, but MAD! Have you ever just blown your top and yelled and screamed and cried that you've had enough of this and it needs to stop? I feel like doing that right now on your behalf. You must have some thing or things that are very bottled up inside that are leaking out of you in the form of constant anxiety. And isn't depression actually repressed anger? OK, I'll get off of that, for now.

    My new job? It's at the shelter, with the same animals and people, but a totally different position. I am now the Shelter Supervisor and have all of the employees and volunteers reporting to me, and I report to the Board of Directors. It's more hours (like, pretty much round the clock seven days a week, just like my old high-stress corporate job) but of course they can only pay me for 25 of those hours (since we are a non-profit that gets no funding and totally relies on contributions). But the huge difference from my old corporate job is that I am passionate about the subject matter: animals! In the past I was always in a manufacturing environment where I didn't give a darn about the components and parts involved in making our products, didn't understand them, didn't want to. But now the subject matter I'm working with is something I actually care about which makes a world of difference.

    The timing was perfect: as much as I loved being at the shelter, I found myself starting to look at my watch for the time I could be relieved of my assigned duties and instead volunteer to do the things I am good at, like the administrative end of things. I was getting tired of being scratched and bitten, peed on and pooped on, and doing manual labor for several hours a day when there was so much that needed to be done and changed on the organizational end of things. And then the current office person resigned (due to medical issues) and the shelter advertised the job opening. I dusted off my old resume, added a cover letter, and submitted it. A few days later I got a call that the Personnel Committee of the Board of Directors would like to set up a face-to-face interview with me, and that was 4 days before my cross-country departure. That might seem like awful timing to someone with anxiety, but it actually worked in my favor because all of a sudden I was totally consumed and anxious and preparing for my interview which distracted me from the usual anxiety of being on planes, in airports, and away from home for a week.

    The interview was worse than I had anticipated: as soon as I sat down, three board members started firing questions at me (a lot of them I wasn't prepared for: if this occurred, how would you handle it, what changes would you make at the shelter, what are some ideas you have for recruiting new volunteers, what can we do to improve the issues we currently have, etc. I was prepared to tell them about my past and my skills but I wasn't ready to tell them how I was going to change their world! And this grilling went on for 2 hours and 45 minutes!!!! Yes, I was drained when I crawled out of there (not to mention starving and with a busting bladder). As I was getting on the plane to visit my grandkids one of them called and asked if I would officially accept the position, and of course I said "yes". According to them, they have never in their decade long history come to a decision that quickly and easily, so I guess I must have come up with some good responses, although honestly when my husband asked me about the interview when I got home, I really couldn't even speak.... it was all a blur and I was wiped out.

    Anyway, it has totally consumed every waking moment of my days and nights since I returned home last week, but I know that once I learn things, organize things, and CHANGE a lot of things, it will not be so time-consuming and overwhelming. So far, I'm really liking it but it's an organizational disaster from what I've seen so far. Thank goodness I love a challenge!

    I waited four days after I got off my last airplane and then went for a COVID test. Since I was on four flights and in 6 airports I figured it was justified, and thankfully it came back negative. I am due for LOTS of physical tests (annual exam, colonoscopy, dental, etc.) but I haven't scheduled those yet. I guess I should in the near future. Oh, I had a bone scan done a few weeks ago and apparently my spine has gotten severely worse so doc wants me on osteoporosis meds. I refuse - have you ever read about those?!?!?!?!? I'm not sure what to do about that, I certainly don't want to be fracturing my spine, but those meds sound like a total nightmare. I'm putting that on the back burner for a week or two but if anyone knows how I can improve my bone density in my spine, I'm open to suggestions.

    Sorry for the novel, but you asked for it, Mrs. C! If you get nothing else out of this post, remember that I was basically a home-bound wreck of a mother who was barely able to care for her children and was suffering severe panic attacks every day, and now I am a fully-functioning person who finds joy in things again. It CAN happen!
    Sue

  3. #2693
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    No novel Sue, just helpful and caring words. x

    I was hoping the new job was a promotion from within and I have to say that I'm not at all surprised you got the position. If you believe in fate, I most definitely think this was the path you were meant to be on. Its really been the making of you.

    As far as the osteoporosis. I was told that I would suffer with, especially as I had an early menopause.
    I also have a curvature of the spine and suffer pain with prolonged bending.
    Personally I think it is best to build up muscle with regular gentle exercise routine. This might be something to look into.

    As for your mention of built up anger,you may have struck a chord there. I rarely voice my anger. In fact I rarely voice how I feel with any emotion in the real world. And although there has been a run of occasions and times throughout my life where I have stored my anger, mainly to keep the peace and not offend. Just recently there have been two people that have angered me and I've taken it on the chin and obviously this is stored and buried in my emotions.
    A long standing friend and work colleague overstepped her friendship by upsetting Mr C unnecessarily and I have now cut that friendship dead. But she has been off with us for some time now. You know the sort of thing, sarcastic remarks, snappy, shouty and it was getting to me.
    The other is my nextdoor neighbour who loves to have the builders in on a regular basis smashing the walls early in the morning, never with any warning that our day is about to be horrendous with drilling and banging all day long.
    So after your comment I got myself a piece of paper and wrote down all the things that I would like to say to these people and a few more from the past.
    It felt good to do and I could feel a shift in my body.
    I scribbled my word's then said them out loud, then threw them in the bin.
    So thank you Sue
    Now, I don't know how I am going to feel tomorrow or the next day, but this evening, I feel a bit better.

  4. #2694
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Whoohooo, Mrs. C - you go, woman! Next, practice letting an offender know in person that you will not accept poor behavior. I know, that one is much harder, and I am proud of you for dealing with some of your pent up anger and even happier that you found some relief. So keep doing it! How about the things Mr. C. does or says that anger you and you bite your tongue and swallow it instead of expressing it? I'm not suggesting you fight with him all the time, but we do tend to try to avoid conflict so we stuff that frustration down . . . it eventually comes out somewhere, usually in physical symptoms. Or, something I do often... I write a letter to my husband telling him all the things that p/ss me off and frustrate/irritate me. I write it in a respectful way in the hopes that maybe I'll actually email it to him or read it to him in the future, but usually just getting it down in writing is enough to make me feel the relief and then I don't even need to discuss it with him. Of course, if it's something I truly want him to change then I do bring it up, but often it's just the "too much time together" stuff that drives me up a wall so venting it out in writing seems to release it.... it's like I relocate it to a place where it doesn't cause me physical or mental harm anymore. It's stored in my hard drive of my computer, and if my computer gets a virus, I'll know why!

    In my list of Strengths and Weaknesses that I submitted during my interview I had listed "very little patience or tolerance with slackers and lazy employees" under Weaknesses. By the end of the almost 3 hours, one of them said "I think you should move that weakness up into your "Strengths" column. So I guess being a mouthy b/tch is going to be required in this job sometimes.

    Next, go punch the hell out of a pillow or scream into one when Mr. C is busy elsewhere. GET THAT STUFF OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM. I expect to see the pillow feathers flying over me in the States within the next few days.
    Sue

  5. #2695
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I was actually going to say that Mr C makes me angry and I worry that might sound ungrateful because he has been my rock. But he also fuels my anxiety, a lot!
    If I'm honest, he irritates me most days and manages to say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing.
    But I'm sure I irritate him too.
    I like the idea of a list. The question is, will I be brave enough to give it to him.

    Sue, you know the perfect answer to 'what are your weaknesses' is nothing! I said it as a joke at one interview and got the job there and then.

  6. #2696
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Honestly ladies I think there would be something wrong with us if our husbands didn’t irritate us sometimes. I think it’s only natural.

    my husband comes from an extremely controlling mother and he was raised to never have to think or make decisions for himself. He also has some pretty extreme OCD and self esteem problems, as well as a short temper. He doesn’t take his temper out on me, only on inanimate objects - like if he’s working on a project and it’s not going fully as expected, there goes the screwdriver lol.

    I have my own anxiety issues, so dealing with his and pacifying him when he’s in a mood just gets exhausting. His off handed comments of “I should really see someone about this” drive me batty because he’s all talk, and will never actually go see someone about it or work through anything in therapy. He says it in the moment and then it’s out of sight out of mind.

    I have to write down my grievances just to get them out of my head, otherwise the stress and anger gets to be too much and I will just end up blowing my top at him lol. The writing really does work. But I do agree, sometimes you just have to let it all out in person as well. Preferably before the volcano erupts (which I’m admittedly bad at doing lol).

  7. #2697
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    I think you are right glassgirlw. x
    Like I said before, I'm sure I have my irritating ways, but when you suffer with anxiety, those irritations become another ignition to it.
    My other half is short tempered too. It's quite common to see him shouting at the sugar bowl or milk carton when the contents spill over, even though it was his fault.
    And a zip in a jacket that no matter how many times he tries, just won't connect. My offer to help is refused until he's at the point of screwing up the jacket and throwing it on the floor. But I do understand the turning down of help, because I'm like that myself as I like to keep my independence. But I don't lose my rag and swear my head off.
    Mr C makes a lot of mess whatever he is doing. And clearing up the doing becomes my chore.
    One of the things he does that really winds me up is the putting out of the refuse bin for collection. I get, "I'll do it a minute" until its so late everyone's tucked up in bed and probably disturbs someone.
    I'd do it myself, but that one is always so heavy, but I have been putting the others out with my one good arm. Afterwards he says, "you should ask me to do it for you". I think, "yeah, like the other one"
    I don't mean to sound ungrateful because they are people that have lost their partners or living alone. I'm just saying that another person's behaviour can fuel your anxiety when living together 24/7. And it's good to get these irritants aired rather than manifest into more anxiety.
    Writing our feelings down and getting them out on paper is a really good idea.
    Maybe that's why diaries were created.

  8. #2698
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    It's unusual for me to post in the evening, but as I've just experienced a horrendous PA, but thought I was about to die, I thought I would make a post to prove I'm still in good health and alive and kicking.
    So the past few days, I've had an acid reflux flare-up.
    That's horrible in itself. Everytime I lean or bend over I feel sick. The burning in the throat and chest. The gurgling in the stomach, the wind and feeling of an iffy stomach being bloated, but gassy.
    That I can just about deal with as in time in settles, especially if I avoid certain foods.
    But to add to that. I've been getting shivering chills, normally late afternoon / early evening, just before dinner.
    I'm absolutely ice cold, but shivering with it. But my hands, feet and head are warm.
    I've had this for the past few days.
    I haven't changed my meals or mealtimes either.
    Well tonight I got into a right state and thought I must be dying or something. I felt really unwell.
    I was panicking about the shivering, couldn't concentrate and how I ate my dinner I don't know. It was like an outer body experience. I could see the food, but it was almost like a mirage or something. I could feel my heart pounding and I tried to stay focused. I almost split my water all over my face. Like I said, it was like an outer body experience.
    I told Mr C I didn't feel right and all he said was, "you'll be fine, it's just anxiety". But it didn't feel like 'just anxiety', it felt weird and scary and not the usual feelings of a panic attack,although they are scary enough. I couldn't concentrate on the tv, was shoveling food in my mouth waiting for some sort of improvement.
    Eventually when I finished eating, I felt a little more relaxed, but burst into tears, telling Mr C that I thought I was going to die. I got up to go to the loo and still felt very shaky and not quite with it. So decided to retreat to my bed where I am pleased to say I feel a lot more calmer than I did earlier. So I am presuming it was some sort of panic attack. Especially as yesterday I went out and was perfectly fine. Anxiety induced, but manageable.
    But as I've had a barrage of highly sensitised symptoms, and whether it all resulted in a panic attack. Although I have to say that high sensitivity and anxiety does not mean a PA result. But I had a bad night's sleep, a fallout with Mr C and a few other stressful situations.
    So my body wants to rest so I'm resting it. No more pushing myself for a while until I am recharged.

  9. #2699
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    Hi All,

    Almost a week since I posted.
    My bad episode told me to take time out, but not resort to lying in bed going over what happened. See, I'm learning
    I did catch up on some much needed sleep, well it seems to cure almost anything.
    I've stopped watching TV altogether. Actually most of the stuff I watch now is via my laptop laying on my bed and I can pick and choose what I view and in comfort.
    I've taken a rest from cooking and Mr C has presented me with a few meals with the help of numerous instructions from me.
    I've been reading, including the Claire Weekes book again.
    It's always good to remind yourself of the whys and wherefores.
    I stayed in for 4 days, but ventured out yesterday to the corner shop. Although nervous, I certainly noticed a change for the better.
    I'm beginning to think that people like us need extra tlc and to slow down when the mind becomes too overloaded.
    And we need to be reminded to be kind to ourselves.

    Hope everyone else doing ok. xx

  10. #2700
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    Re: Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

    So yesterday I had a hat trick of anxiety provoking advents which resulted in a very poor night's sleep.
    I'm now fretting that the lack of sleep is affecting my oversensitised state and fuelling my anxiety even further.
    The strange thing is that I don't actually feel tired but then I'm not actually doing much. Except for worrying about my heart my lungs my head my sanity.
    It takes all my strength to organise dinner or make a cup of tea. I don't mean physically but mentally.
    I'm so wobbly my heart is pounding my legs like jelly and the boat like walk has turned into a ship in a rough storm.
    I've had a few tears but that's pretty much normal for me.
    I just seem so scared of everything at the moment, even my dreams are scaring me.
    But I plod on with a little reassurance from Mr C who must be so sick of me in a state. I'm sick of me in this state.
    I'm reading Claire Weekes every day and although I apply her tips my brain forgets them after an hour or two and goes into subconscious mode.
    I'm not giving up. It's a bad blip, I know that and I'm riding it through, but hell, it's so exhausting and upsetting.
    Sorry for not more positivity from me. x

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