I was wondering what you were up to Sue
Wow, plane journeys, staying in hotels and a new job!
Hey, you can't leave it there, tell us more! What is it? More details please. And I can't quite work out why you were looking for another job when you seemed so happy, made friends and settled in so nicely at the rescue centre.
I really admire you Sue. You are so gutsy, with great determination and you are a true Warrior. x
You must give us more tips, because compared to a couple of years ago, you were a former shadow of yourself.
I don't mind admitting that I'm struggling, but I know others are too. The pandemic has fuelled my worry and really testing my agoraphobia. Anxiety symptoms are abundant and waves of depression seem to be a daily occurrence.
I've even been expressing my feelings to Mr C, which is something I don't normally do. Bless him, he does his best, but he just doesn't understand.
Yes, the affirmations, meditation and yoga help. Even the chakra healing helps for a while. And I've had days where I don't do any of these as I wondered about the old saying, too much of a good thing ".
Although there could be explanations for this increase in anxiety. The pandemic situation for one. The rules of what we can or cannot do, which is always confuse and changeable.
Then there's my physical worries...
6 months ago I damaged my right hand tendon which resulted in not being to use that hand for many months and I still can't bend my thumb.
Then I sprained the left hand a couple of weeks ago.
If that wasn't enough, I twisted my ankle last week and was painful to walk.
That collectively with about 6 gnat bites from working in the garden really made me feel sorry for myself. Because I'm a doer, that's what keeps me going. I can only relax if I have done something physical.
And when trying to explain to Mr C how I feel, all I can relate is.. "I'm struggling, I don't feel right, my eyes are not focusing properly, I feel like I'm walking on a bouncy castle, I feel lightheaded like my brain is full of fluid. I feel like I'm falling forwards or swaying from side to side when I am clearly not. I'm flushed face one minute, then shivery cold the next. I'm constantly checking whether my body is too hot or too cold. And I've got it into my head that I am going to collapse at some point in the day."
Mr C replies, " but you are not and haven't and seem perfectly normal to me." "It's all in your head".
Maybe so, but the thoughts and the feelings just don't stop!" Was my reply. Thinking afterwards that wasn't quite true and knowing from past experience, this is a state of being highly sensitised and high anxiety.
And because of our lifestyle change imposed on us by the Government and the doom and gloom that goes with it along with the normal woes of life, it's hardly surprising that people are struggling. Even normal people. It's just we've been there before and have the information to know what's happening to us.
It still doesn't make it any easier.
I'm a thinker, always have been. I could be watching a really good film and at the same time wondering how many people will be infected with the virus tomorrow or how to protect ourselves so neither Mr C or myself get ill. Or whether I have enough bread and milk to last the week. Praying everytime I brush my teeth that I'm doing a good job so I don't have to go to the dentist.
So we plod on in our own little strange world, hoping we don't have too many thoughts to ruin it.