Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Yes Pulisa, there's always some positives in a bad situation. That doesn't quite sound right. But you know what I mean. Not attending social events that you've been invited to. And you know how much I hate shopping.

Sue dizziness and head rushes are my worst fear.
And I've been lightheaded for nearly 6 weeks now.
I still manage to do things but it's not a pleasant state to be in. Trying to convince yourself it is just anxiety so difficult when your symptoms go on and on and on.
The only thing you can do is carry on with your life as best as possible. x

[DustingMyselfOff]

Trust me, I thought of that, BUT.... the only thing that complicates it is my son informed me that him and his wife would be joining Thanksgiving dinner this year and spending Christmas with her parents, so I don't want to ruin the chance for my extended family to see my newly pregnant kids..... they only see them about once or twice a year. My son and his wife are not a real fan of my sister's, either. :(
Sue

[Carnation]

Always as a positive out of a negative Sue. x

Sorry Pulisa, I know how annoying you find those sayings. x

[Carnation]

So I've been busy with decorating for Christmas and it's certainly given me more energy and confidence. Yes, I know it's early, but who cares if it makes you feel good.
I'm still struggling with the symptoms and sensations, but I'm just getting on with stuff anyway.
The vibrating foot is still a sensation I yet have to dismiss and oh, those rushes through the body, they are not too pleasant either. My walking on a boat feeling comes and goes, so that's a relief to know it's not a permanent symptom.
That's the thing with anxiety symptoms, there's always that voice telling you, "Is it something more serious?".
Shut up", I tell myself and don't you be googling.
I'm dreaming like crazy in my sleep at the moment. Sometimes 2 or 3. It's quite exhausting. But I'm ok with that, no matter how weird, it's the mind processing trauma and upset.
I managed to get out 3 times this week, despite my ailments and having to wear a face mask. Much easier in the winter.
I hardly watch any TV these days and honestly don't miss it. Especially the news. Netflix or YouTube is my thing now.
Oh, and I've got a new book to read. 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle. I'll let you know how I get on with that.
Hope everyone else is doing ok. x

[Carnation]

Hi everyone,

Not been on for a few days and in that time I've managed to get a rare wasp sting on my thigh despite wearing a thick coat, the blighter still got me. It's the third day of having and it's just beginning to fade.
Only thing, because I was trying to not lay on the area in bed, I've gone and twisted my knee so have an inflamed knee as well. Today was hobbling around with a walking stick while Mr C watched and pointed out I wasn't using the stick in the correct way.
Before this event I've been basically not doing much.
Reading, watching a film, watching YouTube, a bit more reading, listening to affirmations, looking out the window for the first signs of Christmas. Oh, it's a long time coming this year and I wonder what it will be like.
As far as anxiety, I'm pretty much the same with occasional respite here and there. I'm not expecting any huge improvement under the circumstances and just getting on with what I can do.
Eckhart Tolle has been giving me some enlightenment and understanding. And I think I'm learning to control my mind a little more. Dare I say I feel a little more relaxed too.
So hoping you are all not doing too bad and keeping busy. x

[DustingMyselfOff]

Good grief - you truly can't catch a break, Mrs. C. 2020 is truly the gift that keeps on giving!

I think you're on the right track with the anxiety..... acceptance. If we can learn to not go into that "Oh no, here it comes again!" mode when we feel the symptoms, it seems to fade faster and doesn't escalate like it does when we add the adrenaline of panic over panicking.

All is well here, I have been fostering a sick kitten for the shelter and I am seriously considering keeping this one. I will be a failed foster, but this little guy brings me so much pleasure. Unfortunately the person who surrendered him to the shelter a few weeks ago (they found him in the street very cold and very sick) is now inquiring as to how he's doing because he might want to adopt him. I gave him the stock answer of "please go to our website, fill out an adoption application, and when it's processed and approved (or denied) we can set up a time for you to come visit the kitten to see if you're still interested. Of course I'm secretly hoping our very strict adoption coordinator will deny him, and of course I could ask her to, but that would be unethical so I'll leave it up to the Universe. If he comes back with a glowing application, references, vet checks, clear background check, and his landlord approves of him having a pet, then perhaps this isn't the cat for me to keep. But I know it's going to break my heart to give him up. Then again, I've had my heart broken whenever I turn over my foster kittens to their permanent homes, but this one feels different. Yup, putting it up there to the Universe.

Sue

[Carnation]

Hi Sue,

Sorry for the delay in replying, I kept getting sidetracked.

Yes, it's the secondary fear, the added anxiety on top of the initial anxiety. If we can learn how not to add fuel to the fire with understanding the process, reminding ourselves that no harm will come of it and using the knowledge we have picked up to control the situation, then we are on a winner! Easier said than done, hey?
One important note is the ability to feel comfortable with being uncomfortable. No one likes the idea of being uncomfortable, but it is one of the keys to mastering anxiety. Practising in small doses may be a start.
When it gets a bit warmer I'm going to practise just sitting in my car. As you know it's my living nightmare, driving. But if I practice just sitting and getting used to the feeling, in time I may be able to progress to driving with more ease.

So, you've falling in love with a kitten. It happens to us all.
Remember Sue, animals choose their owners and the Universe guides us to what is meant to be.
As you know I am a cat person, I love dogs, well all animals really, but lifestyle always determined what I could keep.
And all of my cats chose me through one situation and another. One cat followed me home one night and never left. Another cat was brought to me to be looked after while the owner went on holiday and never came to collect him. Another three kittens I found in a cardboard box. Another was given by a friend who couldn't keep anymore. Another one was given to me who was poorly and they didn't have the time to care for. Then there were the cats we had growing up at my parents house. The cat I have now came to me in a storm and was only weeks old, which I definitely took as a gift from the Universe. Lol, ask and you will get.

As for my ongoing injuries, lol, I get used to it by now.
It's either a sprained wrist, twisted ankle, bad back, sore knee, stiff neck, pulled tendon, toothache, or various other ailments. But I'll take any of those over anxiety any day.
Although in a perfect world I would prefer a clear bill of health, wouldn't we all.
Strange, but the walking stick and slowing down has really helped my anxiety and the sensations of not being balanced and lightheaded etc, etc. So at least something good has come out of my knee injury. Maybe it's the Universe working in mysterious ways.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yup, totally agree.... "get comfortable with being uncomfortable". When I'm doing my daily talk with the Universe I thank them for the lessons and for keeping them MANAGEABLE. My request to the Universe is that I know everything that happens is for a reason and that they are teaching tools but I beg for lessons that are not totally incapacitating and debilitating. Today I will keep reminding myself to shrug off and be comfortable with any dizziness or anxiety. Yes, sounds so easy when you're typing it, right?

I am trying to fall OUT of love with this kitten now. As I was falling in love an adoption application came into the shelter from the person who surrendered it to us. He is now very interested in adopting the cat, and I went into panic mode! I was professional in my response about what he needed to do to apply for the cat, but I then put in my own adoption application (just to keep everything above board). I was distressed and torn for a few days trying to decide if I should do the "right thing" and withdraw my application and let the other person adopt him, or if I should be selfish and keep the cat. Of course, all applications go through a very strict screening process so he may not even be qualified to adopt, so i could leave it up to fate, but in addition I asked the Universe to give me a sign. Shortly thereafter, the kitten kept crawling up to my face and tapping my cheeks with his paws. I took that as a sign. But THEN, 2 days later he managed to escape from the crate he stays in when I'm not with him (what a panicky day that was, not knowing if I would find him first or if my killer dog would!) We found him safe, but he has continually escaped so he's locked in a bedroom until his new "playpen" arrives today. But now I wonder if this is a sign from the Universe: since his escape, all he wants to do is run and hide. He doesn't come over to me at all and I'm unable to medicate him. I leave food and water out for him in the room and he eats it, and we set up a camera in the room so I can watch him and he is playing, eating, pooping, and seems happy UNTIL one of us walk in there. I found him in a crack in the wall the other day and thank God he got hungry enough to finally come out, but this morning I had to slice the underside of our mattress to get him out of there - he crawled in through a tiny hole and couldn't get out.

So .... I'm thinking this may not be the cat I keep if he is all of a sudden that spooked by humans. I HOPE when his new playpen arrives and if I can catch him to get him in it I can get him to like humans again, but I have no idea why this sudden change.

Sorry - I just rambled and totally took this "anxiety" thread off topic.
Sue

[Carnation]

Sue the rambling is important sometimes to solve a dilemma.
Personally I think your kitten is exploring and just being a typically naughty kitten.
A cute ball of fluff, can also be capable of running up your curtains or scratching your sofa to pieces and hiding causing you moments of natural panic and grief.
But it's never put me off because of the joy they bring. The comfort and love and the cuddles.
There's no doubt a kitten can be hard work.
Anyway, it sort of sounds like you need an opinion so I'm going to give you mine for what it's worth.
First of all you obviously wanted it and was prepared to take the kitten on otherwise you would not have filled out the application form.
If you withdraw your application, won't that make you feel a bit deflated in the sense of what if it was a match by the Universe as well as a slight feeling in failing because of a naughty kitten with disruption and house compatibility?
And.... If you were to take the kitten, you are in the right place and position to turn around and say, hey guys, it's not working out after all, but at least I've given it a try.
You may even be worried it could affect your anxiety. Maybe your patience and possibly your sleep, but despite that possibility I have no regrets with any of my cats who have been there for me and given me so much pleasure, company and love.
The decision has to be yours in the end, but I say go with your heart and not your head. x ❤️

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks for the advice, Mrs. C.
I don't want to monopolize an anxiety thread with cat talk, but in response to your comments: yes, I could return him, but he will be a lot less adoptable to others when he's older, everyone wants a kitten. Also, since I work there, I am exposed to cats and kittens all the time so this is not the last chance I'll get. If and when I pull the trigger to add a cat to the household, I want it to be one that will maybe play with and cuddle with my dogs, but if he's this reclusive right now, he may never come out of hiding when I expose him to the areas with dogs in it. And lastly, I always said I would wait on the cat until the time my HUGE dog is no longer with us.

But good advice, I will go with my heart. If I can picture turning him over to someone else, I'll do it (plus, today the man who wants him called and emailed several times so he is REALLY interested). If the thought of letting the kitten go breaks my heart more than other fosters have, then he will stay right here. I'm off to go set up his new play pen (about the size of my spare bedroom) to see if that changes his attitude any.

Thanks for the words of wisdom.
Sue