I've become very lazy with posting lately and the reason for that is because I've been feeling so empty.
Even at home. The normal day to day chit chat has been absent, like I need to wallow in my own silence as if I've been sent to a monastery of some sort.
A lot of it I know is due to the lockdown, but I do find January the hardest month to get through. With its short days, extremely cold weather and the glitz of the Christmas lights absent. There's probably a lack of vitamin D in us all by now and the need for sun on our faces is a welcoming thought.
So I use this time for reading and overdosing on the TV.
And while I work my way through episodes of a series on Netflix, eating more food I can't burn off, I can't help but think about the future and how it is going to pan out. Which puts a stake in all the work I do about living in the present moment. However, a thought about the future IS done in the present moment, so I suppose if you look it like that it is ok.
My watch stopped the other day and it didn't bother me until I realised I couldn't go and get a battery for it being lockdown. Luckily I managed to find an old automatic watch which is about 4 times too big for my wrist, but it's stuff like this that makes you realise what a strange world we are living in today.
And as I ponder my thoughts throughout the day, I've realised that it's not so much the anxiety symptom and feelings feeding my fear, but the thought of becoming ill and having to see a doctor or go into hospital with the way things are. So anytime I get a pain or feel a bit under the weather, it sets off my anxiety.
Saying that, I'm training myself not to react and carry on, feel the intrusion and go raid one of the many chocolate boxes I stashed over the Christmas.
It's been very quiet, no one to see when I look out of the window, the cars or vehicles passing by, no movement of people but an eerie silence resembling an armageddon.
And although I have jobs to do around the place, the point is... Where do I take my clear out stuff to as everything is closed. Even the Post Office is only open a few hours a day and creating a human chain in its short opening times. I expect everyone's corner shop has become their go to place for a little social interaction between plastic screens and mumbled speech. Smiling is seen no more which used to perk up our loneliness, so I suggest we use winking as the new, I acknowledge you and notice your human form. No one has to create robots anymore, we have become them ourselves. Going through the motions each day as per the government guidelines and of course we lose our sparkle, our get up and go feeling, our ambitions, plans, goals.
And society around us has neglected to change with the circumstances. Take a magazine in December advertising party clothes and dressage for a Christmas table. Comfy PJS and a tray on your lap is more akin for our real lives at the moment. Why do we even need shoes, we are stuck indoors. We don't even have any cookery programmes on the tv helping people to cook when they've been so reliant upon takeaways and eating out.
Companies and Businesses need to take a hard look at their products, because we've had a massive change to our lives and it's not been adjusted to suit.
Just the other day I saw an advert for a Mediterranean cruise. What's the point?
Ok, I know I've got a bit political in my posting today and can't believe how I've gone on. That's what happens when you are silent too long, it all comes spurting out in its masses.
Truthfully, I'm doing ok. We are survivors, otherwise we wouldn't be on this forum in the first place.
Do what you can to get through this and catch any sun rays if you can.