Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[DustingMyselfOff]

Yup, January has been a real barrel of monkeys and the hits just keep on coming. We are now bracing for a huge blizzard and snow storm which is going to probably cause the government to close the roads. The last time we had one of these we were trapped in our house for 3 days before a snow plow could get to our street. Of course I have somehow GOT to get to the shelter and luckily I don't live far, but I'm sure all the volunteers and staff are going to be "no show" so I'm not sure what this will bring. I'm actually asking for volunteers to come tomorrow and spend the night in a nearby hotel so that someone can help care for the animals at the shelter. The fun never ends. :(

I had a bad day yesterday. I woke up and started reading my message, emails and texts from the shelter. One of them really p/ssed me off and as the day wore on I got more and more angry. I was repressing it and when I got to the shelter I got hit with all kinds of urgent issues so it was a whirlwind. About 4:00 p.m. I started feeling dizzy and then very weak and tired. To the point I was barely hanging on and wondering if I'd be able to drive home, but I was waiting to lock up the building. I barely crawled into the house, told my husband I couldn't really chat right then, and went to the couch. As the night wore on I got better, but I have to wonder if pent up anger can really make you feel that physically ill. I imagine it can as it immediately produces cortisol and adrenaline, I think? Today was a planned day off, but even though I did some shelter communication it was from the comfort of my chair and in my jammies with my OWN cat and dogs with me.

So I need to learn what to do with anger that I really can't release on the source. Do I just vent to someone else? Do I put something in writing to release it? Scream into a pillow? I'm accustomed to shoving everything down inside of me but I don't want to do that anymore. Suggestions?
Sue

[glassgirlw]

Anger can absolutely leave you feeling like utter crud as you come down from that “high” of emotion. I struggle with this myself, the bottling up part. I wish I had wise words for you on how to release it. Venting is a great way, if you have someone you’re comfortable venting to. I love my husband very much and trust him completely, but i still struggle with venting to him when I’m that mad. Like I just can’t get the words out and it’s easier to just bottle it up.

Ive been known to find some random tv show to stream on my iPad and go close myself in the bathroom and run a hot bath with favorite bath salts. That tends to help me de stress.

[Carnation]

I'm not at all surprised this has happened to you Sue.
Your work saga has been going on for months and the kettle has been boiling it's bottom off.
Anger isn't the problem, it's suppressed anger and the best way to deal with that is to confront the thing that is causing the anger. Or burning it out. Whether it's a sport, physical exercise, a brisk walk, even thumping a pillow. But get it out.
Then have your bubble bath and hug a cushion while watching a slushy movie.
I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you need to take time to think about how this job is affecting you of late. If I remember rightly you originally looked for something to fill your time that you could be passionate about and get you out of the house.
Now the passion is buried beneath politics and disruption, you take your work home with you and you are consumed of this work almost 24/7. More importantly it is affecting your wellbeing.
In my opinion, something has to change, sooner rather than later. x

[Carnation]

Sorry, meant to say "Hi" glassgirlw

[glassgirlw]

Hi, Mrs C! Hope you’re doing well!! This horrible January is almost done (actually it may officially be done for you now as I think you’re 6 hours ahead of me lol!) so here’s hoping February is an improvement!!

[Carnation]

The last week was the worst one for me.
I found myself fighting off 3 panic attacks and the rest of the time I was either super hyper, highly anxious or washed out. The boredom and the weather didn't help. Neither did the adverts and clips of people fighting for their lives in hospital. Smack in the middle of a nice film I might be watching to calm down and up it pops.
Netflix will be gaining a lot of new customers, that's for sure.
But I'm enjoying pottering around in the garden and managed to get out for some air. I don't like the central heating pumping out continuously, it's not good for my sinuses and makes me feel, well, blur.
Enjoying the slightly longer days and a bit of sunshine wouldn't go a miss.
Sleep is either a konk out heavy sleep with not waking before the alarm or what I call a cuckoo sleep by keep waking startled and several trips to the loo.
My PJs have got much use and now considering having a wardrobe of pyjama sets.
But plodding on in my own little way. x

[DustingMyselfOff]

OK, so I guess it was repressed anger (and frustration) that caused me to feel so physically bad, and that has got to stop, or at least subside. I have a little talk with myself the past few mornings and agree that regardless of what I read on my phone when I turn it on, I am NOT going to get overly upset about it nor am I going to take the issue on as my own personal responsibility. I don't do baths, but I think once the weather gets nicer a brisk walk will do me lots of good.

So we are in the middle of a blizzard and even some of my "essential" employees are falling through on me. I don't know if I will remind them of what they agreed to when they accepted the job or if I will let it slide..... but I will be doing a LOT of the work myself today and am reminding myself (and the others) that I am NOT a machine and will do the best I can.

Yes, this job has turned out to be so much more than I bargained for. I actually don't mind being consumed by it every waking minute, I enjoy that part as I need constant distractions from what has become a routine, boring life and I'm almost disappointed when I check the work emails and there aren't a bunch waiting for me (I know - I'm nuts), but it's the anger that is starting to take it's toll. The Board members love having power and say in all matters but I'm not going to let them have everything fall on my shoulders.... I'm not a machine and I can't do it all, nor should I be expected to. And yes, that's one of the things they have asked me to change: find a way to make sure there is enough coverage that no one person is overworked. But good luck with that in a pandemic and in a blizzard where roads are impassable.

So far, staying calm, either that or I'm repressing it so deeply that even I am not aware of it. Heading in soon . . . will try to pace myself. Thanks for the support. I think this job is going to take a backseat rapidly come March because I will have my first "local" grandchild being born and THAT will take priority over this, even if it means giving my notice at the shelter.
Sue

[Carnation]

Well Sue, you've certainly had a lot of that, suppressed anger and frustration.
The crux of being a Manager in my experience is that you are told to delegate, but if you don't have the people to delegate too or the people you have are just not capable or responsive, then the Manager ends up doing it all.
I do feel your hierarchy is to blame here for your overloaded and stressed position. Surely if your back is breaking under such conditions and you've told them, that it is up to them to support you! Otherwise you end up leaving and then they would have to step in.
Volunteers are like gold dust, even more so in a pandemic and a snowstorm.
And personally I'd be angry too with the situation as it is. It's not what you envisaged at all.
I was just about to mention and ask how you were going to fit in time to see your family? Your walks. A day out with hubby. Your personal appointments? But you already stated in your last post that it may come to the point of leaving.
No matter how much you love your job, if it's 24/7, other stuff will get neglected for sure. And when that job is no longer in your life, you may find the things you used to do are no longer there either.
Sorry if I seem harsh, but you work for these people, you didn't agree to ownership of your life. Although knowing you, that 100% dedication has tipped the scales.
Anyway, I'm sure you'll sort it out eventually. x

[Carnation]

I spent yesterday mostly in discomfort from acid reflux.
Most of my day I was whinging about my burning throat and heart area. I also couldn't eat what I'd planned to have for dinner and spent most of the day changing the menu.
By the evening I decided to to draw a sketch to take my mind off of my agony. And certainly helped and took my hand away from holding my chest intently. Having an apple helped too. Although I know that doesn't work for everyone.
This morning I overslept but feel much better. So far, so good. I've got to pop out today so that's a challenge in itself. Just like my vigorous exercising I've taken on to do everyday since the 1st of January.
I'm waiting to see the Davina McCall body so I can wear a fishnet dress like the one she had on in The Masked Singer, lol. Only joking. Jeans and a t. Shirt will do me fine.

[WILLIAMthedude]

Hey,

I understand how debilitating these things can be. I think the trick is to infuse your thinking with constructive and meaningful thoughts. Score your imagination and inner-monologue with beautiful and satisfying imagery and ambitions. We sometimes allow our minds to free-write dismal inner-monologues and feel stuck but these thoughts are not the status-quo and shouldn't be entertained. You're a vibrant, charismatic, and important person. Recognise your skills and abilities and set yourself benchmarks for purposeful actions. Pursue hobbies and interests that appeal to you.

There's more to be said.

By all means, reach out on william_taylor@hotmail.co.uk

Happy to discuss it further with you.