Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Justanutter, I know how hard it is to let health anxiety overtake your mind. The fact that I and lots of people with anxiety get the same discomfort and noises from our stomach has to be reassuring that it's nothing serious.
Most of the time it caused by stress and worry.
Yeah, maybe the steak and fries didn't help an already unsettled stomach, that happens to me.
Sometimes I have to take a week of only eating food that I know won't react with me until it settles back down again.
Just one biscuit or square of chocolate can set me off when I'm like this.
And I've had more bouts of this since the pandemic and lockdown.
I wish I could be more helpful to you Justanutter, I can only reassure you that I suffer the same as many other people do too. xx

[Justanutter]

Carnation, everything you say is helpful. I’ve not had a good 48 hours at all. Again, awake at 4am with the weird uneasy stomach, played some relaxing music on my headphones but nope, couldn’t get back to sleep. Husband isn’t speaking to me as he’s fed up with everything I say being negative and son, who is usually so good with me says I’m getting to him now and every but if advice he’s given me, I take no notice of so he wants to move out as he can’t cope with coming home to such a bad atmosphere all the time. He’s suffered with anxiety so knows what it’s like but he’s losing patience. He works hard at being positive and has his own business but relies on me for everything. He’s told me to take note of what the nutritionist told me about needing to rest but then they both think that’s alongside all the cooking, shopping, washing and cleaning �� I’m my own worst enemy. Done too much over the years. Been out to the Garden Centre with a friend today but I couldn’t walk round much, too weak and wobbly and then cried all the way home in frustration after watching everyone sauntering along as normal people do. I’ve bitten the bullet and made a drs app for next week. It’s a new surgery so I’m double nervous but I don’t care what’s wrong anymore because this isn’t living anymore and maybe they’ll realise just how ill I am. I’m hurt but I understand how draining people with mental health issues can be and I don’t want my family to suffer because of me. Sorry pity party today as it’s scaring me now how I feel and the lack of a full nights sleep for the last months isn’t helping energy levels. X

[Carnation]

Sending you a virtual hug Justanutter
I do feel for you. Its so difficult for our families and friends to even half understand how we feel. And it's so easy to get upset with feeling this way. It's a Groundhog situation with no end in sight when you feel like this.
You've got to understand that this is a phase not a permanent state and there are many people I know that are suffering badly too. This has been a very difficult 12 months. And that's without all the other things going on.
As far as your son is concerned, maybe you could have a talk with him and say you are going through a bad patch. There's always friction in families at some point and he may be feeling the pressure too in his life. But don't think he will leave because of you. If he leaves, it will be for himself. And leaving doesn't mean for good.
As for your other half. Well, I've been there. I got to the point of not talking about it anymore. What's the point, the same conversation over and over. It's only people that feel the same way that will understand.
And I don't have to tell you how sleep plays a big part in feeling good. I have a much better day after 7-8 hours sleep or an unbroken nights sleep. And it's the worry that prevents most of that.
Have you tried guided sleep meditation and muscle relaxation? They can help a lot. x

[Justanutter]

Thanks again Carnation. Sorry if I’m hijacking your positive thread. I’m just so weary with everything now and yes, I’m doing meditations and binaural beat ones that my therapist told me to use. I don’t see her at the moment though. Hard to not be scared there’s something much more sinister going on as the age old ‘but it all feels different this time’ is constantly being thought and spouted but ill have to wait and see. I know you fully well know how hard it is to feel like this every day and each day feels worse or brings something new with it. I know there’s a lot of others struggling too. X

[Carnation]

You talk as much as you need to Justanutter x
It's a phase you can't rush through, but there will be better times ahead.
Anxiety is no joke and neither is depression.
Normally when you go through a phase like this, your brain is trying to tell you to take time out and that's exactly what you need to do. I'm not saying you lay on your bed all day, although an hour here and there is quite productive if you use it to read a book, meditate, have a nap.
I mean take yourself away from anything stressful or challenging. I have days, especially during lockdown that I might be blitzing the bathroom, then go and lay on my bed browsing magazines or listening to affirmations or meditating.
You need to keep as much a normal day as possible but fill it also with a lot of self care.

Our mindsets are important too.
Here's a good example....
I was chatting to someone on the phone yesterday evening and she was telling me about her bad sleep patterns. I replied saying I have trouble too and gave her an example of waking up at 1am,2am, 3am. Strangely that was exactly what happened when I went to bed last night and quickly realised I'd made a huge mistake with confirming to my brain an event that was going to happen for real. That's how powerful the brain is.
And that's why it is recommended that we list our gratitude before going to sleep by going over in your head all the positives in your life and what you achieved today.
And if you suffer with health anxiety as I do, you have to change your thought process with every little pain and discomfort. Otherwise you start a journey of tunnelling yourself down a dark pit.
Let things pass and carry on.
So far today I've had skipped heartbeats, a head jolt, several hot flushes and unbalanced walking. And I let all those pass by and not let it bother me. Why? Because it's happened so many times, you know its anxiety and you eventually realise it is all harmless.
The more you think "Oh no" or "I can't cope" the more you are fuelling the anxiety.
I have suffered from agoraphobia for a few years now and I've gone from not being able even go in to my local shop without shaking, being lightheaded, blurry eyed, sweating and panicking, to a casual trip that doesn't faze me now.
And a tip for people that struggle with going out, I found that carrying something helped me. Whether it's a bag, basket or a shopping list. It helped me stay focused.

Justanutter, gather the tools and information you have wisely sourced. Make a daily ritual of self care and use your knowledge to do all those other things. Have your moments of tears, because you are battling so hard, but afterwards, brush yourself down and remind yourself how very strong and capable you are of dealing and coping with the a condition that you will eventually have under control. x

[Justanutter]

Again, Carnation, thank you so much for taking the time to post such a lengthy response with such helpful advice. Gosh, it’s soooo hard to live having to do all these things just to try and have some sort of normal day. It’s never ending at the moment but like you say, I will eventually get it all under control again at some point. I’m sure the lessening of lockdown will help enormously too. I’m going to do a gratitude list and start journaling because I keep reading how much it helps people so there must be something in it. You e given me lots of wise advice and I know I need to start putting it in place to start getting myself out of this hole. Got a drs tel app next week so I know I’ll end up being sent for tests once I mention my tummy issues but I’ll just have to bite the bullet and find out what’s going on and hopefully, if all just anxiety, that will give me the kick start I need to implement a new regime.

thank you once again, you’re a star x

[Carnation]

You will get it under control Justanutter. And if you need that confirmation that your tummy issues are down to anxiety from the doctor, then you will have to accept it and not let your mind over think and catastrophise.

On a positive note, I had a fantastic day yesterday.
Hoping this will give everyone hope...
It was a beautiful sunny day yesterday and out of nowhere I suggested to Mr C we go for a walk on the beach.
"What am I saying", I thought. I'm agoraphobic and not ventured further than the corner shop, which we drive to or out of sight of my home or car for well over a year, probably longer.
For some reason I wanted to give it a go and even though I thought about my issues with unbalanced walking, blurry eyesight, pounding heart, iffy stomach and possibly becoming panicky, I'd made up my mind and was going for it.
I made up some tea in a flask and wrapped up some cake along with some chocolate for the venture and off we went. "We probably won't get parked" I said to Mr C, as it was a lovely sunny day and my heart slightly sunk when we drove straight into a parking space with me thinking, "well. I can't get out of this now".
I got out of the car clutching my tea and cake and proceeded to climb the steep pathway that led to the coastline and where I knew there were benches to sit.
I'd forgotten how steep it was and was quite out of breath, but it didn't phase me as I reached the seat with the perfect postcard view. I'd made it to that point and it was worth the effort. We decided to have our tea and cake as we took in the view and fresh air and immediately after I was ready to venture further.
I walked up and down the sand dunes taking photos to remind me of my trip and walked and walked and walked.
I felt very good and very safe. More importantly I felt normal. I don't know how far I walked but it felt like a good mile and my stiff legs this morning are definitely a sign I had good exercise.
Now this isn't a big deal to most people, but it is to me.
Venturing too far has been a fear of mine. Walking too far has also been an issue in my mind and not feeling relaxed was a major hurdle to accomplish.
Yesterday was like a mirage of myself in a dream state, but it was real and I'm full of hope and desire because of it.
Being a realist I'm not going to assume I'm now walking on cloud 9 or all my anxiety symptoms have disappeared. It shows me there is hope, there can be times you can be normal and you can do things you want to do.
You have to 'want to' plays an important role in achieving.
Even the breathlessness didn't phase me as I thought "who wouldn't be climbing up a steep hill" , especially after months of doing very little in lockdown.
We all need to remind ourselves that we are capable of such things and entitled to do them.
I even had a late dinner and I wasn't panicky.

[glassgirlw]

Mrs C, I’m so glad you had a good day yesterday!!! We all need those to remind us what we can be. It’s so simple to say that anxiety is “only symptoms and isn’t harmful”, but it’s so true. You overcame many, many fears after a long year of craziness. Here’s hoping you have many more of those great days ahead!!!

also, I’m very jealous that you’re so close to a coast. I have to drive 14+ hours to reach one

[Carnation]

Thank you glassgirlw
I realised that I am a lucky girl to be near the coast and it has been my ambition to be here all the time I lived in London. It was that or the forest. I made the move during a high anxiety period too, so it can be done. If you want something so much, you can do it!
And as you say, our symptoms are not harmful.
They are repetitive messages that reappear from past behaviour and memory.
Not every cloud will produce rain, some will dissipate.

[Justanutter]

Wow Carnation, well done to you! You must have felt so proud of yourself. What an achievement after suffering so badly. Onwards and upwards! x