Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

The majority of people are not like that Lencoboy.
Like you say the media pick up on the bad in people and not the good.

[Carnation]

I've got an appointment this afternoon to go round to a stranger's house to look at some piano music they want to sell. I've been uptight about it since I made the appointment. It's not just about Covid, it's more about anxiety and I have not been inside anyone's home for nearly 3 years. I'm trying to convince myself it's no different than going into a shop. But I suppose the issue is leaving when I want without appearing rude or having a wobbly when I'm sort of cornered. It's going into the unknown, strange house, unknown people, the enclosure of the house, even the heating.
I don't want to cancel, at the same time I don't want to face this now. This is new territory for me. Its about embarrassment and something I haven't done for so long.
I've got 3 hours of thinking and waiting to go. Keeping busy doesn't stop the thoughts and I'll just have to see when I get there. It's nothing really. Don't even know why I am posting about this.

[Catkins]

Doing something for the first time in a long time is scary. Totally understand how you feel.

But, noone is going to know what is going on in your head, nervous cough? 'Do excuse me I have a bit of a cold', shaky hands? Wear something with pockets to put your hands in. Feeling overwhelmed? Nip to the toilet to compose yourself. Plus I find when wearing a mask I feel a little bit more protected if that makes sense.

You can do this Carnation, you have done brilliantly.

Also afterwards treat yourself cake/chocolate on the way home?

[Lencoboy]

The majority of people are not like that Lencoboy.
Like you say the media pick up on the bad in people and not the good.

Absolutely Carnation.

[Lencoboy]

I've got an appointment this afternoon to go round to a stranger's house to look at some piano music they want to sell. I've been uptight about it since I made the appointment. It's not just about Covid, it's more about anxiety and I have not been inside anyone's home for nearly 3 years. I'm trying to convince myself it's no different than going into a shop. But I suppose the issue is leaving when I want without appearing rude or having a wobbly when I'm sort of cornered. It's going into the unknown, strange house, unknown people, the enclosure of the house, even the heating.
I don't want to cancel, at the same time I don't want to face this now. This is new territory for me. Its about embarrassment and something I haven't done for so long.
I've got 3 hours of thinking and waiting to go. Keeping busy doesn't stop the thoughts and I'll just have to see when I get there. It's nothing really. Don't even know why I am posting about this.

I have those exact anxieties myself about visiting other people's houses for the first time ever, especially people who I don't know or whom I'm not particularly familiar with.

I imagine all kinds of scenarios that fill me with dread, such as; what if they smoke and light up willy-nilly within my full presence, what if there are fixtures/appliances in the house concerned that make me feel uncomfortable, especially if they emit sounds or odours that I can't stand, what if they have unruly kids and/or pets whom they might give a loud and aggressive reprimand, what if the family/couple have a blazing row while I'm there, what if they're watching something on their TV or listening to music that I dislike?

Etc, etc.

Before anyone else on here pipes up with 'it's people's own homes, they can do what they please and I have no right to dictate to whatever they do or say within their own four walls', I fully acknowledge all that and do generally try my hardest to respect their rights.

Having said that, visiting the homes of strangers is something I very rarely do anyway, so not really a major issue for the most part, plus instances of persons smoking in the presence of visitors are becoming much rarer nowadays anyway.

N.B, I'm not intentionally having digs at all smokers.

[Carnation]

Thanks catkins, your words were very much appreciated x
Thanks also to Lencoboy for reminding me that I'm not alone in these thoughts. I understood all that you said and many questions flood my brain on the run-up to such an event. As you know, I do smoke Lencoboy but have never smoked around nonsmokers. It makes me feel just as uncomfortable as the nonsmoker.
Well I went. Gave myself a good talking to, even had an excuse ready to leave abruptly. I had something in the oven, lol. I actually did and its not something I don't do normally (go out with something in the oven), but this was braising steak on the lowest mark on the cooker that I will hopefully enjoy this evening.
But strangely all my fears disappeared when the lady opened the door, except for the gush of heat from her central heating, so coat came straight off.
I actually knew the lady from about ten years ago. Obviously not very well otherwise I'd remember her name. But we met a few times in conversation.
She opened the conversation by telling me she had terminal cancer which immediately put everything into perspective. It suddenly seemed sad to be buying her collection of music and put my awkward anxiety condition well into the oblivion. We had a lovely chat, I gave her some money and now I'm back home with a pile of music to last me a lifetime, lol. Cake less, because I had my cake yesterday.

[Catkins]

Oh the poor woman! So sad for her, but so pleased it went well for you (I would have had cake again!).

The nice thing is that you buying her music will mean that it will be looked after and treasured in the years to come. It probably made her feel pleased that it was going to someone who appreciated it and I'm sure that will give her some comfort.

[Carnation]

That's what I said to her catkins.
I did try to buy cake on the way home but none left.

[Catkins]

That's what I said to her catkins.
I did try to buy cake on the way home but none left.

Hopefully not the latest panic buying trend 😳

[Buster70]

Well done Carnation on getting out and conquering a fear , I buy from people’s houses most weeks and I meet some of the nicest people , also the sad , the bad and the lonely, some sell items because they don’t want a prized possession to end up in a skip after they’ve gone and some just to have some company for a short while, I say short but I’ve sat with some for hours chatting , I’ve had old ladies who are clearing out their late husbands stuff and they’ve bust into tears , I’m always sympathetic and dont mind listening to their storey , some will get the kettle on and biscuits or on the odd occasion cake , going back a few years there were times when I’d drive around the block a few times before knocking to try and get my head straight and I always used to have an escape plan before entering as panic could set in for no reason mid sentence , it gets easier and when you have a set back you just put it down to experience and go again , I’ve learnt a lot about people and how to weed out liars and crooks before I even set off .
Your visit was probably the highlight of her day and rewarding for both of you in very different ways .