Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Catkins, I think what we learn and experience when we were young sticks with us until we change it ourselves. Especially stuff that we perceive as protecting us from danger for our survival.
When we are older we can make our own judgements but somehow what mum or dad taught us tends to stick around as if it was the holy grail of life. A bit like "don't take sweets from strangers". Except there may have been things said or seen that was not quite the truth but because we were young and learning we accept it because mum or dad said so.
This one especially springs to mind....
"if you don't eat your greens you won't grow up to big and strong". And I wouldn't eat porridge because my mum said it puts hairs on your chest. "Don't look at the moon because it will make you mad" (too late for that one, lol).
Just watching my dad go through a security regime of locking up and checking before going to bed must have had some affect on me constantly checking doors, windows shut and car are locked before I go to bed.
My mum with over analysing her physical feelings.
I find myself sometimes thinking, "Oh god, my mum used to do that".
Words are so powerful and even more so when we are growing up and learning. And although most things that are said by our parents are helpful in latter life, some things are not and it's up to us to decide what bits to take from our learning. We are also an individual not our mum or dad.
As for bad experiences of the past, they can certainly stick with us well into our future and I suppose it's meant to so as to remind us as a warning and how to react if it should happen again. What we need to reassure ourselves of is it was past and it cannot be changed but we can now look at any situation as an adult and comfort that childhood memory. We might even shelve some not so nice experiences because the time was not right to process them or we didn't know how to or we had to be brave at the time. It doesn't mean we failed or made the wrong decision, it just happened. The main thing is we survived and are living and it's up to us fill our lives with comfort and peace and a healthy balance.

[Catkins]

You are so right. I've had counselling before and I really thought I was over a lot of what happened when I was growing up. But I guess when we're at our most vulnerable the little buggers rear their ugly heads again and it's very easy to slip into old patterns of behaviour. I think I've got to really work on self-soothing. I think previously I've worked hard on making myself fit into and cope with the world around me. I think now I've got to really work on liking myself, accepting that I'm not perfect, not super woman and learning to live the life I want to not a misguided perception of how I think people around me want me to live.

I really appreciate this thread, I've taken a lot from it and will keep popping in and reading the old stuff to from time to time if that's OK.

I am immensely grateful to have found this site.

[Carnation]

You've got the gist catkins so I know you'll make great strides in healing and I'm really flattered you are finding my thread helpful.

[Carnation]

I seem to struggle with November.
Maybe it's the transition from Autumn to Winter, adapting to the hour change, the shorter days, the miserable weather, the waiting for the sparkle of Christmas lights to brighten up the place.
So I dose myself up with Christmas films which are never like reality but let me fantasize and hopefully fill me with a warm cosy feeling. I start prepping what decorations I'm going to put up, even though I don't get visitors, I do it anyway. I find a good series to watch to get stuck into and I have a winter clear out thorough clean of the house.
Then hopefully November will pass without too much doom and gloom.
As for anxiety. Well doesn't it just love to grab onto one of those miserable days and lack of movement because we just want to curl up in a ball in front of the TV or spend longer in bed. The mind starts to wander, thoughts of the future, the anxiety of becoming ill, trying to keep healthy and at the same time wondering what that new pain or symptom is trying to tell you.
This is the time to engross yourself in a book, make those comforting meals, introduce a daily exercise regime, treat yourself to a new pair of pyjamas, boots, coat or several bars of chocolate. And before you know it you'll be looking out of the window seeing more crisp but sunny days with hopefully the twinkle of someone's fairy lights. Could even be me.

[Catkins]

It certainly is a miserable time of year. Autumn colours are beautiful but I hate the impending winter. I may take a leaf out of your book.

[pulisa]

Do you have any plans for your birthday, Carnation?

[Carnation]

Lol, Pulisa. What a memory you have.
The truth is I never know what to do on my birthday. I'm not one for eating out unless it's outside and that's not impossible. A November birthday doesn't give you many options. I'm not very social either. Shopping generally doesn't appeal to me. So I've ordered an afternoon tea takeaway which suits me down to the ground. I'll wear my berry jumper I got last year. Watch a film or two and stuff my face silly. Thank you for remembering Pulisa xx

[pulisa]

That sounds like a really good plan! You do whatever you feel the most comfortable with so long as it's stress-free and relaxing. I think we all deserve a decent day on our birthdays and I'm sure Mr C will get you something special! Have you given him any pointers as to what to get you?

[Carnation]

Oh yes Pulisa, chocolates!!

[Carnation]

I had a better day than expected yesterday.
As Eliza Doolittle says "wouldn't it be luverly" if life was like that all the time in the world of anxiety.
Only just this afternoon I was bending down sweeping something off the carpet and I thought I was going to topple as my head felt a whoosh. And it is so difficult to carry on as if nothing happened without thinking "what was that?" What caused that?" " Am I thirsty, hungry, too hot, too cold, tired or did I have a trigger?"
And we bravely carry on, maybe sit for a bit, take a few breaths, look in the mirror to see if we look ok, although all three of those things can make us worse in my opinion.
And if we take time to realise that it was nothing and nothing came of it instead of trying to analyse the whys and wherefores of such event we know we would be in a better place. So why is it so hard to do?
Did we ever worry when we young when we miss footed our step, got unbalanced from running around, bumping into something or tripped. We just carried on.
But the secret was carrying on without thinking about the incident in question or the past.
That is something we have to overcome and it's fear of what might follow that haunts us so much.
So much that as we watch tv, we are still pondering over what happened to us and how we can avoid it happening again. This is a vicious circle that in my opinion prevents from just being. And we want that so much.
But not only that we fear the thought of going into a full blown panic attack and then that becomes the object of our attention as well. Why is it so difficult to 'just be'?
The answer is to have no fear or to let the fear go and that is what we need to practice, no matter how frightened you are, if you can tell yourself that you are out of danger and believe it, then you will be on the right track.