Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Buster70]

Must be a woman thing as my partner has been moving things around today I thought we had a poltergeist ,settee and table have changed places ,rugs have changed , got a feeling I'll be going to the tip tomorrow, there are days I come home sit down and an hour later realise the settee is on the other side of the room .
I get the jelly legs at times but the only time they have giving way was pre anxiety after heavy night on the drink luckily my face hitting the toilet broke my fall , so there is a positive to this hell that I don't get fall down drunk anymore .

[Carnation]

Buster, your partner is wise.
Do all the work in the bad weather and come the sunshine she can go out to play.
It's also a good sign of rejuvenating your life.

Snow has gone today and amazingly the spring plants that were completely invisible, are now perked up and in bloom. Its like they were frozen in time. (A bit like us with Anxiety). If they have hope, then so do we.

Which brings me to the subject of 'Legs' again.
I've been reading about the brain and how it is all connected to our body, sending signals to make our arms and legs move in the right order and at the right time.
Now if we send our brain negative thoughts, then why wouldn't it get confused?
If we think, "I can't walk today or get up from my chair and walk in to the kitchen?"
Then what's the poor brain going to think?
So, maybe we should be saying; even out loud, "I am now going to walk in to the kitchen and prepare a meal". I'll let you know how I get on.

I'm disappointed to say that I have a problem with my 3rd week of Mindfulness.
This is the 'Exercise' week. Only trouble is, the 'exercises' seems to be a cross between weight-lifting and gymnastics.
I'm not saying that all Mindfulness Courses are like this, but the one I chose to do is.
If you suffer with a physical or health problem, you may be anxious about doing this, as I am.
So, not to be a defeatist, I have adapted my own exercises and incorporated the ones that the neurologist gave me to help with balance and confidence.
One of them is standing on one leg, similar to a stork, but with arms stretched out either side like a plane and holding that pose for the count of 30. It's ok if you wobble, just readjust yourself and carry on. This helps with balance, gives you strength in your arms and a confidence builder for when you are walking.
Mind you, with all the furniture moving and spring cleaning, my exercises have been pretty much covered.
However, Mindfulness is about stretching and repairing and being aware of your limbs and finding where you are holding any pain and discomfort and then thinking that pain away. Some would argue the complexity of this, but that's my basic take on it.

I have also decided to take some more therapy sessions.
I found someone private and want to build on my confidence and have been told that I will apparently have some exercises to do. "Oh No, not more exercises"
I'll give it go and let you know when this happens.

Now I want to talk bout head jolts/jerks/rush; whatever you call them.
They are momentarily feelings; literally a second, but can frighten the life out of you.
I want to tell you that they are nothing to worry about.
It comes from the way we breathe when we are anxious and they are completely harmless. Even my neurologist said so.
From someone that used to have about 20-30 of these a day 4 years ago to about one a month now, I am living proof that these are not something deadly.
Not walking around with your shoulders hunched up to your ears will help this dramatically. You would be surprised to know that we do this without even realising it.

I also want to remind any readers that I am not a Doctor or professional in this field and everything I talk about is from my own personnel experience and knowledge.
Sometimes it is difficult to read a book, because of it's complexity or you can't get to therapist or you are imprisoned or frightened. If I can share my experience and help even a little, that makes me very happy.

to be continued...........

[Carnation]

I had a fair day today.
A little Anxiety in different forms, but I have this thing where I remind myself to.....

!. Slow down
2. Do one thing at a time.

I've been feeling tired lately, but I am putting it down to the bad weather and time of year. Anxiety can be exhausting too. If my body and mind need to rest, then I will let it. I have learned from the past to not to push your body. There are different types of anxiety and one of those is from pure exhaustion.

The hot flushes were back today and I have been making a mental note of when this happens. Normally a stressful situation or in a place where I do not feel comfortable.
Instead of panicking over these, which is easy to do, because the flush is so intense and starts form the chest and up through the face and feels like an inferno of heat uprising, I let it happen and pass. It lasts no longer than a minute, but it is easy to panic as it feels so scary.

I am still clearing things in the house and it has been good as it feels like I am de-cluttering my mind as well as my cupboards. The garden will be my next project.

I found a tip in a magazine that helps you to relax and hopefully sleep better.
It's massaging the hands. You can get this from the internet and I have tried it and it seems to help. I know when I get nervous or feel uncomfortable, I fidget with my hands and I feel more at ease if I am carrying something when I go out rather than be free-handed. Maybe because I can then fidget with the things that I am carrying.

When I use to go to a Massage therapist she used to pinch the muscles on the tops of my eyebrows, which feels very weird, but she explained that she did this because it relieved tension. I do this sometimes, but only very gently. When I had my breakdown 4 years ago, my whole body seemed exhausted and I had pain all over my body, particularly in my lower back region. It would last sometimes for days and then my calves, not forgetting the shoulders and neck. My body was absolutely exhausted. This is why I rest up now when I feel tired. There's no use pushing something that is just too tired. I eagerly await the warm days and can do so much more. The sun is invigorating and much needed for our bodies.

Until next time.....

[Carnation]

Good morning sunshine!!!

Much warmer today and the birds are out and singing their delight.

My 'Worry Head is haunting me today. Actually I woke up with it already fired that way. I know why. I took some worries to bed with me and this is what happens.
I don't know why, but I seem to think of all the problems I can, just before I go to bed. So I am going to have to think of something to deter this from happening. Maybe my meditation should be then or I need to do two laps round the garden. Failing that, I will have to result to one of those drinking chocolates topped with whipped cream with marshmallows floating on the top and not forgetting more chocolate sprinkles. That way I can worry about being sick instead of the other baggage I carry around with me.

Do you know that is a point. When I am ill with a cold or toothache or something else which is noted as a normal illness. My Anxiety seems to take a back seat. ?????

Well, I am almost half way through my Mindfulness course and I can clearly eat more easily, walk more easily and get through my daily tasks more easily.

My digestion seems to take a hit when Anxiety rears it's ugly head.
From swallowing, chewing, bloating and not forgetting the obsessive belching and dare I say it? Farting!! Honestly, you'd think there was a foghorn in the house. All ladyship goes out of the window and I've got to the point of not caring who hears as I just can't hold any of it in. I was told that we gulp in more air when anxious as I have a friend who is like this from time to time and he has been to the hospital for various checks and found nothing physically wrong, but was told it was blocked air.
I also heard that it does not matter what you eat it is down to the way your body digests your food. How can you be hungry and have a bloated stomach at the same time? Air!! This is easing a bit and walking definitely helps.

I'm a fully recovered Anorexic and I had seen food as fuel. (Now that I enjoy my food and now wearing a comfortable middle-aged spread, I find I can't eat the things I want to eat for the fear of bloating. I'm sure this will decrease once I start working in the garden and my anxiety settles down.

Do you know the worst thing about 'Anxiety Relapses', is that you rarely see them coming. You might have a few pains, palpations, a bit of twitching, a feeling of overwhelming tiredness and sleepless nights. But nothing prepares you for the thump of the downfall. If you have been there before, you know immediately; "OH know, I am having another relapse". Don't knock yourself over this. You didn't do anything wrong. It's a thing called, 'LIFE' and no-one can avoid the pitfalls of stress as we go about our day-to-day life. Again, if you have been here before, you know it is not forever and you may take extra care yourself for sometime until you forget and start rushing around like a crazy person. (No pun intended).
So, why can't we take care of our minds and bodies ALL the time. This has to be a priority, because what you gain, you lose and the loss out wins the gain.

So, repeat after me, I MUST look after myself, I MUST look after myself.
(That's for me to read, as well as you).

to be continued...........

[Carnation]

Late checking in today.

I had a problem with my cat, but he is fine now.

I also had my first therapy session today and it sort of took it out of me mentally and physically. You know, too many teary moments and delving in to the past, AGAIN!!!

The therapist had me doing some tapping, which I have not done before and I am to use this method until our next meet. Apparently there are no side affects apart from tingling fingers and an aching arm from too much tapping.
I'll give anything a go, well almost anything, but I have wanted to try this method, so I am.

I feel a bit weary today with my cat being ill and the tapping and anxiety symptoms a little high, but I understand that. My cat is like my baby!


Ok. Itchy Legs. Have you had that feeling? Where you could actually rip the skin off your legs from incredible itching. I have and I don't know what causes it, maybe nerve endings or adrenalin, but if you resist to itch them, it actually goes away. Once you start scratching, it never seems to stop. Do whatever you have to, to NOT scratch. Cold water compress, cool cream or just grit your teeth and it will go away.

I'm keeping it short and sweet today, so until next time............

[Buster70]

We had quite a few cats before dogs , the last one taught the dog to go out to pee through the cat flap until he couldn't fit anymore , we had one that didn't seem to like us it would sit and face the wall rather than look at you , it made you just want it more the ignorant little shite .
Really curious about the tapping , going through a rough time and I'd try anything yes anything , if I thought rubbing cow dung on my head would help I'd give it a go ( it might at least help my hair grow )
Rub those itches with the palm of your hand no scratching with your nails been telling the kids that for years , a good scratch does feel very satisfying but it's more addictive than crack .
Take care carnation .

[Carnation]

Well, I'm late checking in again.
I have no idea why I keep running out of time to do things lately.
Have I really slowed down that much!?
Or maybe I am all tapped out.

Buster I had a full hour of tapping yesterday, but it didn't knock any sense in to me.
Apparently there are no side affects with tapping and I can tell you today, that I have no soreness, which was something I was concerned about.
I can't say I feel any different and I am not even sure when I am supposed to 'tap'.
If I were to tap for every anxiety moment, I would look very strange, because I would be at it almost every minute of the day.

Buster. that is a good tip about using the palm of the hand for an itch. I didn't think of that. I will have to remember that when I get bitten by the hundreds of mossies I encounter in the summer.

My cat seems fine today. So, good that he ate half of my chicken dinner.
At least that's another worry off of my mind.

No hot flushes , but muscle twitching today.

Strange, but they don't seem to bother me so much anymore.
I think I have grown to understand them and that's half the battle in getting rid of the blighters. They tend to appear after stress. They are not harmful, just a little uncomfortable. They subside after rest and relaxation. Although they can appear when relaxing, this is the way they perform.

My ability to keep still has improved massively and my blurry eyesight has completely disappeared. Is this due to time passing, my mindfulness course or re-training the brain? Why can we not know the cures as symptoms disappear?

Until next time...........

[Senior Moment]

Hi Carnation. Am still enjoying your posts and relating to a lot of what you say !! I tried the tapping a while back, but like you, if I had to do it every time I felt anxious, my whole day would be taken up with it, and that would be a bit strange. I think it is supposed to be a bit of a "distraction technique" really, just to take your mind off the anxious thoughts and feelings. Not sure, but that's my theory. I have problems with blurry vision too, and sometimes my eyes feel as if they are not "moving" as they should. It's a very strange feeling, but is improving slowly. I've come to the conclusion that anxiety is certainly not for the faint hearted !!! Take care, SM xx

[Carnation]

Damn!!! I knew that once I mentioned my blurry eye vision had gone, it would come back!
But. I was stressed, tired and agitated and as the day went on, it went away.
It's a weird thing and hard to explain what it feels like.
Fuzzy, out of focus, misty, sight out of line. It's really weird.

Senior Moment, I agree with you. I think tapping is a distraction and possibly jolting to our wild brain. I'm not going to tap myself all day long and there are times I could not do it anyway. Especially in public.
Anxiety is the scariest feeling as we can not understand it and understand why it is happening. It feels like you are losing control of yourself and you feel sought of surreal at times. You have no idea how long it is going to last and if it goes, is it going to come back? At least if you have a broken leg you can see it, it repairs and then you can get on with your life. The other annoying aspect to it, is no-one can see it.
Whatever the reasons, I didn't invite it and it's out stayed it's presence.
And to go through life stress free, well, impossible.
So, we need to find ways to de-stress and change the way to deal with the stress.

So, my partner isn't getting the 'Breast from the West', instead we getting the 'Pest from the West'. They are referring to the downpours on their way, which baffles me, because I can't seem to remember the last day we had a rain free day.
Yes, it will be warmer, put what's the use of that if it is p.ssing down.

I recommend that we all mediate every day and listen to a compilation of birds chirping away with a nice warm ray lamp against our face, someone to massage our feet, maybe comb our hair and while they are at it, they can cook our dinner as well. Ahhh, I've got it. We all need butlers and maids. We could give them our worries as well and then we could just float around as if at a hippie fest with flowers in our hair and dancing over the daffodils.
Yeah, I'm losing a bit now, aren't I?

Another tip from my one of therapists is to activate the task we need to, we need to 'WANT' to do it. So even if you don't, can't or fearful of doing something, you need to tell your brain that you want to walk over there, make the dinner, go somewhere and so on. This does help a lot! It helps fight the fear and changes the way the brain reacts or has been reacting with anxiety. Why not give it a try, you can't lose anything by it.

to be continued...........

[Carnation]

Hi all

I will start by saying I overslept this morning.
Is this a good thing, because I haven't done this for months!!!!
I didn't particularly have an exhausting day, but maybe I am more relaxed.
It beats waking up at 4am in a panic or thinking it is time to get up.

Do you ever get that thump, thump, thump of the heart beating when you go to bed?
I do and have experienced it most of my life.
It used to happen when I was stressed or worried and still happens from time to time now. It also doesn't bother me, because the beating of the heart reassures me that I am alive! But, the downside is because you can hear it, it can keep you awake.
Have you ever tried willing it to be quiet. Try it.
You can sometimes hear it through lying on your ear. Same thing. Accept it and calm it. Don't start thinking that it is beating too fast, too loud, missing beats. Just stay calm, smile because it IS beating and ask it too calm down.

No hot flushes for me today and it has been the first time since my relapse that I was able to lay back and relax in the bath without panicking, so things are looking up.

Walking was good and only had one blurry vision moment, but that was because I had been on the computer for three hours solid.
Sometimes there are valid reasons for the way we feel.

to be continued...........