Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

I made it! Got to the dentist with no anxiety or panic, even though I have been like a cat on a hot tin roof all day. And my mindset was, the fear of having something wrong and not doing anything about it was stronger than the fear of going to the dentist.
Once there, I explained and apologised for my babbling and must have spurted out about my anxiety and panic several times so he was perfectly clear that I am shit scared of everything! I told him I had been bleeding and was worried I might have oral cancer and once I had stopped my very long and rushed jabbering, he examined me.
With heart thumping away and a deadly silence in the room, I was anxious to know what he was going to say.
The words from the dentist were a relief as he told me there was no sign of cancer and the bleeding was from the cleaning. He told me I had healthy gums and tongue and he felt my neck and was very satisfied there was nothing wrong.
So, sometimes it is best just to bite the bullet and get checked out no matter how frightened you might be, because it is better than beating yourself up in to a nervous wreck.

[Carnation]

The trouble with health anxiety is you get checked out for one thing and then you obsess about it being something else.
I got the all clear from the dentist yesterday and now my brain wants to tell me that it could be something more internal wrong with me.
One half of me wants to just get on with life and the other thinks should I get my whole body checked out.
At what point do you draw the line.
You don't want to waste doctor's time or take up an appointment for someone who really needs it and my policy has always been, 'only seek help if you really need it.' But health anxiety sufferers need constant reassurance that they are healthy and are ok.
Does this feeling ever stop?
I remember my mum always thinking the worst and I would say to her, "God mum, you are down the Docs nearly every week!'". I cruelly called her a hypochondriac until I found myself in the same boat. Could I have inherited her fears.
I actually think it runs deeper than that.
If you have had the unfortunate experience of a dice with death or lived through a situation where you have lost a family member or close friend. It can bring the realisation of mortality to the forefront and you start to see life quite differently.
If you are already of a sensitive nature, then it may affect you more in this way.
I don't know how we stop thinking in this way and anyone who does suffer from health anxiety will tell you it is no joke!
So, ending on a slightly more cheerful note. A total stranger smiled at me today when I was out. I don't know why, but it was nice and there should be more of it.
That's what we need to spread around the world. 'Smiles'. The world would be a better place with smiles and cake. I think it should be a daily constitution.

[Carnation]

Probably like half the Country, I have been watching 'Strictly Come Dancing', and the wonderful and super courageous Katie Piper summed up exactly how it feels to have anxiety. I could feel and empathise her emotions and fight to do her best. Katie Piper you are amazing!
Today I spent a gruelling 3 hours gardening. My therapy and my art. Pruning and shaping the many shrubs, being careful not to disturb the many clusters of berries that have appeared for what seems a long or very cold winter in the pipeline.
I felt I needed to get out and exercise my lazy muscles after yet another messed up night's sleep.
I had all intentions of having a early night, to be scared out of my wits by the biggest spider I think I have ever seen in my life! Luckily my o/h removed it, but it left in a state of alertness that this spider might have a wife and kids and would either come looking for their dad or worse still take revenge on the 'humans'.
So, didn't get off to sleep until about 3am and then overslept again. And that's not good news for people that have strict routines. It means a lot of catching up and double anxiety.
After being in the garden, it helps with grounding and hopefully the fresh air will bid me a good night's sleep.
I've also been doing these exercises to try and cure my bending knees. I just bend and straighten a dozen times in hope that I have more control over my shaky legs. Half the time I don't even realise I am bending my knees, so by doing these it might make me more aware of my leg position and hopefully have more control. We will see.
Onwards and upwards, as they say.

[Carnation]

I've gone and done my back in.
I was bending over, loading up the washing machine, went to straighten up and walk away and Argh! Knife like pain, similar to a Sciatica pain, couldn't straighten up properly and thought, 'Oh no, here we go again, another injury". I had a nasty bout of Sciatica 2 years ago and I do not want again.
I can only think that it was the rumba dance I was demonstrating to my o/H during' Strictly Come Dancing'. Seemed funny at the time, but not now.
I am just hoping after a night's sleep I will have improved but my fear is my back setting during the night.
Accident prone, should be my nickname. I mean, who has a pulled tendon in their hand, then sprains their wrist as well? Thankfully the hand is better otherwise I would be in a pickle.
At least it has put a stop to my hyperactivity.
For the last few days I have felt so hyper it was beginning to bother me. I've always had a tendency to being running around doing several jobs at once and it is something I needed to control more. With all these injuries, it certainly stops that.
That's enough moaning for today.
My sleeping has improved with no waking in the night.
I have been using a extra pillow, so I now have three, slightly tilted. I hate laying flat anyway. The wad of pillows helps my sinus issues and I wonder whether it has been that waking me up.
I'd love to tell you of my positive day, but I've been lounging around licking my wounds.
Anxiety has been curiously lame today.
I always think when you concentrate on nursing an illness, anxiety just sits in the background watching how you handle everything.
If we can stay level headed and stop in our tracks when fear approaches and realise it is only a feeling that can be changed and is not life threatening, we would be winning the battle.
One thing is for sure. Anxiety is much more prevalent in our society today. Just look at all the self help books available. Hundreds of them!
So, never feel you are alone.

[Carnation]

My back is a little better today, but I am walking around with an imaginary broom up my backside.
I wanted to get out today, but I didn't want to venture far in case my back set. So, went for a short trip out.
I find when you have pain it can also make you feel a bit fluey, which then sets off the anxiety again.
I'm back to my overdosing on the TV again and you really can have too much of a good thing.
I was watching my cat today who I think has anxiety as well. When he is out he runs to the door every time he hears a noise or a person appears. I know animals get anxiety and stressed, but I wonder if anxiety can wear off their owners on to them?
I'm planning to go out for the day tomorrow, back permitting. The earth has been blessed with a few more days of warm sunshine.
As long as I do my exercises for my back, which is basically rolling back and forth on your back clutching your legs and mimicking a turtle on its back. Well, it worked before.
I had to keep telling myself today that I was not going to collapse. You know that feeling and the little voice in the head saying, "You don't feel good, do you?" "You can't focus properly and you feel strange". "Something bad is going to happen, I must get out of here." "What did that person just say, I didn't hear a word." STOP! Bring yourself back to the now. It's over thinking and obsessing again. Someone once told me that when you no longer fear death, the anxiety disappears. That logically makes sense, but I will try the building up confidence and changing the mindset.

[Carnation]

I read an interesting article just recently and this has stuck in my head. "We are not our thoughts, only our actions". Does this mean that we can think one thing and do another? Yes, it does.
So, if you think you feel lightheaded, nervous, fearful, you can still walk your way through it.
The thought is just there like one of those bubbles from a cartoon comic. Your action is the real thing and that is what you have to remember.
Compare thoughts like this....
"I think it is going to rain today".
And it doesn't. The clouds break and the sun comes out".
That's a good example to use when your next thought is a negative. Turn it around into a positive.
For instance, when you can't face going out and feeling nervous. Think, "If I go out I will benefit from the fresh air and that will make me sleep better and I will have achieved something and feel better about myself".
Or if you are fearful of a doctor's appointment or dentist.
"If I don't go I will be worried sick and over think what could be wrong with me, have sleepless nights and even turn to Dr Google! "
I use this thought process a lot. Every day and several times a day. It does help and it does work.

[Carnation]

I'm pleased to say that my back is improving each day.
I wish I could say the same about my gums and teeth problems. :( I clean my teeth as per the dentists instructions and still I have problems.
Still, one has to be thankful for small mercies.
I'm getting out quite a bit this week. The weather is being kind and I want to make the most of it.
My confidence with walking lately has been amazing. Still a fidget when I have to stand still, but it is improving.
I find that if you make plans for the next day it helps with kicking my butt into action. It's so easy to lay down and lick your wounds all day, but it really is better for you to do something productive during the day.
I've also discovered a pressure point in the hand that helps you sleep better.
If you turn your right hand over so your palms are facing up. Find the little finger with your index finger from your left hand and run it down your hand until you reach your wrist. You will find a slight indent between the bone and if you gently massage that area in a circular fashion it is supposed to relax you.
When I do it, I can't stop yawning, so it must be doing something.

[Carnation]

A 'trying' day for me today.
Went to the big town today, not my favourite, too many people, too much traffic, too much noise and agitation.
Bearing in mind I still have a bad back and twitchy left eye, so the last thing I wanted to happen to me was to be accosted in the street by an overconfident twenty year old holding a clipboard spattering out a rehearsed sales pitch trying to hook me in to paying £250 for something I don't need. And although I said from the start with a frightful face that he was wasting his time and wouldn't be signing anything, he persisted with his pitch which took a very uncomfortable ten minutes with me fidgeting and writhing to say the exact same thing at the end. "I'm sorry, you are wasting your time, I am not interested!" The thing is, something like that to someone with anxiety is magnitude by a thousand percent.
I then go in a shop, pick something up to look at it and break it. Feeling very embarrassed, I paid for it and brought the broken item home with me.
I had lunch out and as it was a nice day, the place was packed with only one table left, in the sun and burning and glaring down on me.
And when I got home,my stomach decided to play up!
First the whining sounds, then vibrating and twitching. I could feel panic wanted to kick off, but I just thought to myself, "No. I can't be doing with that as well".
My back was hurting, my feet were hot and swollen from a 5 hour day out, the eye was twitching so much I felt like that Inspector from 'Pink Panther' and I was tired and hungry. So, it stopped. I made dinner, careful not to rush it and digest it properly, then the pains in the chest came. "Here we go again", I thought. So, I just sat there, put the TV on and relaxed and the pains went.
So a difficult day, but a controlled one.
Isn't the saying? It's not what happens in your life, it's how you deal with it?" No matter how big or small.

[Aquilega]

Good morning had a very good week marvelous back to the old me,but this morning had the flickering zig zag light in my eye (down Tescos)have had it for years,but I still panic when it happens,I get so angry with myself,never mind have a good day @carnation my friend

[Carnation]

Have you ever wondered about getting too excited?
The heart starts to pump and you can't seem to keep calm. Your feet are already running without your body.
I was like that this morning. I was to meet one of my favourite artists in person at an exhibition. I just couldn't contain my excitement. I was like a ten year old on Christmas morning with what seemed like a heart of frail old woman.
I nearly cancelled going, but then I would be doubly disappointed. One for missing out on something that I may not have a chance to do again and secondly for the feeling that I had failed myself due to over thinking something would happen to me for just being excited and worried about my heart.
So I went. Took my time and walked a slow and steady pace, even though I could see in my mind my legs running in front of me and my eyes slipping to the back of my head. In other words, it felt like my whole body was disjointed and I was a 'Pelham Puppet' walking to meet this person.
As I approached the door, I could see people in clusters around the room and the artist was sort of in the middle. By this time, my body just wouldn't come to a standstill and the only way I could stay in one spot was allowing my mouth to run riot. Tongue tied and super fast, spurting out so much rubbish, the artist must have thought, "what the hell have I got here?".
Actually, she was really nice and if she thought it, she didn't let it show.
Either way, I don't care, because I made the trip, pounding heart in tow, I met the artist and now back home unscathed and chuffed with myself.

---------- Post added at 15:50 ---------- Previous post was at 15:49 ----------

Pleased to hear you had a good week Aquilega.