Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Darksky]

I’m in agreement with you there Mrs.C. I don’t think it comes out of the blue. There are micro thoughts. So small that they barely even register as thoughts. We hardly notice them but our body does and reacts accordingly. The tiniest feeling feeling can do it. That’s what makes it so hard. Yes when we know we are doing something that will raise our anxiety, we are ready for it. Sometimes it comes and sometimes it doesn’t. But often when it’s out of the blue, we have experienced a feeling/thought so small and fleeting, it doesn’t register and it’s difficult for us to categorise it and make sense of it.

[Carnation]

It only takes a second for a thought to appear darksky.
It's how we react to that thought.

[Carnation]

So I won't be a prisoner of anxiety and went out again yesterday. This time I we went into shops we rarely go into, browsing and being normal, lol.
I had a hot flush in one of them but I think that's because they had the heating on high. There's me with a padded coat, jumper, shirt and vest and the assistant is wearing a tee-shirt! I always find shops don't think of customers in the winter all bundled up in their outdoor gear on. Shops never used to have heating and they would be wearing jackets yonks ago. Shops also used to have doors open (a requirement when I worked in retail). It wasn't even that cold yesterday. 11c here. People seemed to be obsessed with heat then come summer they complain its too hot.
"Put another jumper on", my dad would say to me, in our house with only a gas fire in the living room.
If you complained you were cold at work, the response would be, "well, you're not working hard enough". An assistant today will be perched on a stool, texting away with a glance as someone walks through the door, breaks to make a coffee and huddles in the corner because they are dressed for a hot day in July. I rarely see anyone filling up shelves or tidying the shelves except for supermarkets. It would drive me bonkers if I had to sit there all day just waiting for the next purchase.
Anyway, I did my venture out and anxiety /energy came but stayed nicely in the background.

[Darksky]

I know I keep saying it, but you really do very, very well Mrs.C. You never give up no matter what it throws at you. It hits you one day so you get out the next and face it. I’m sure you must help a lot of people on here.

I suppose that old thing of health and safety nowadays dictates what temperatures must operate in public places like shops. If I know I’m going to shops I don’t tend to wear a lot, knowing how hot they are. I risk the chill dashing from door to door to avoid feeling like a chicken in an oven while in there.

[Carnation]

Thanks Darksky x
I like to post any accomplishments so that it might help someone else. I don't think anyone can understand unless you've experienced it yourself.

Good idea about dressing for shops.

[LittleLionMan]

Your achievements are definitely nice to read!

[Carnation]

Thanks lionman.

[Carnation]

Yesterday I went in to the shop that I had the panic in days ago. It wasn't a test, I just needed something in there and I tend to think a need out does the fear. But yeah, I was apprehensive but thought "I'm going for it anyway". Well I was pleasantly surprised. I was strutting around the aisles getting the things I needed and looking at more (as you do). Had an armful of stuff which led me back to the entrance to get a basket. (I always find carrying stuff a little easier to walk around, as if I'm concentrating on that and not me.) At point I stopped to chat to a member of staff I know quite well and being a Dr Who fan, like me, couldn't resist saying to him, "your arms are too long". Anyone else wouldn't have had a clue what I was talking about but he got it straight away. So we had a bit of a chat about that which kept me in there a little longer.
It was like the panic or anxiety didn't exist this time and if course I was very happy about that.
It was busy being only days away from Christmas and busy is not my preferred way of shopping.
When I got back home I then spent a good hour and a half cooking and prepping meals for the next few days. When I think back to the days I couldn't bear to even make a cuppa or nervous about putting something in the oven, I certainly have come a long way. You sometimes don't realise the massive improvements each day /week /month or year. And the kitchen was a massive trigger for me. A place that thoughts would flood and they still do occasionally. And if I have a little wobble, I just carry on.
I know it's not the ideal way to live and life before 'A' was a never ending conveyor belt of go anywhere, do anything. But it can get you out of stuff you don't really like or don't want to do. It is what it is and you have to cope with it. Those baby steps have worked wonders. I remember saying so many times "I don't want to live like this" to saying, "I want life so much more now". I notice things far more now and my empathy has grown to make me realise that I am very lucky, very strong and certainly determined.
So if you are reading this, never give up, keep going and get as much as you can out of life.

[Darksky]

Yes I remember when you hated going into the kitchen even to peel your veg. You have indeed come a long way and are very strong minded. I think we all are really. We are still standing. Wobbling at times but we keep on. Mr.D has started reminded me when positive things happen as I have a tendency to remark and focus on the negative ones. I agree that we are very unlikely to get our ‘lives before anxiety’ back. That person has gone. We have to come to accept that and live for the person we are now.

That shop where you had an armful? Was it B&M? I do that in there. Go in for one thing, continue to pick stuff up and have to go searching for a basket. This afternoon I have to go in search of new pillows. Ours are past their sell by date. Dare I drag him into The Range? They sell pillows after all? He hates it in there but it’s one of my favourite shops.
Im afraid I’m not in the secret club regarding long arms so I have no idea what you are on about.

[Carnation]

It was a line in Dr Who darksky.

No, it wasn't B & M, it was supermarket.
I haven't been in The Range but I've heard about it.

Mr D is right to remind you of the positives darksky.
Another thing, do you put yourself first?
I think you cope incredibly well, even if it doesn't feel like it.
It's a fact that our lives will never be the same pre anxiety but in a way there was probably a lot that we wouldn't want back. If anything it gives us the chance to change some of life and that's a very positive thing.