Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

I was thinking of you today Darksky.
My cat was a little under par today, so thoughts were racing. They trust us to do the right thing and I have no doubts that is exactly what you did. x

Bread and dripping sounds disgusting, but I know it tastes better than it sounds. Never had it myself, but going on what people have told me.
I'm more a beans on toast person.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yep, those bills are a worry. Did you have insurance to cover you? You did what you had too though and you will be eating that bread knowing it was worth it.

Chips in beef dripping is supposed to be nice

[Carnation]

Mr C is incredibly angry lately. The least little thing and he blows his top. I'm putting it down to the grieving process, but unfortunately I am in the firing line.
He has fallen out with his brother, but it wasn't exactly rock solid to begin with.
I am hoping the anger will pass as time moves on and in the meantime, I'm keeping out of his way when he feuds up. I have issues with angry people that affects my anxiety, so I am hoping this period is short lived.

Another tip for controlling your panic....
When you go in to 'fight or flight' mode, the body wants to empty the bladder very suddenly and you feel yourself rushing to the loo in emergency style to often find a very little amount of urine when you get there.
If you can delay that urge to go, even by seconds, it helps to tell the brain there is no emergency or preparation for the fight or flight. I'm not saying you hold yourself until you pee your pants, but instead of running to the loo or thinking you are desperate, take a few seconds, more if you can, to acknowledge you want to go, but not rush, maybe a slight distraction like putting the kettle on beforehand or reading another paragraph of your book. You may find that you are not so desperate as you think and it surprisingly calms the panic mode.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Damn it, I tried it. Just one tip, make sure the kettle is filled up first

You're right, like so many things in anxiety land we have to show it how to react so it stops telling us we should be panicking, fleeing, etc. In the supermarket it's telling us to leg it to the bathroom or escape the store for air.

It can be the same with the bowels, you get there and very little was even in there in the first place.

I did distractions. I also did the focusing trick where you pick a spot somewhere and look at it very hard for a few minutes.

Anxiety likes to catch you on the spot in those places and make you flee. Staying is exposure work.

You understand grief far better than me, I've been lucky so far. But we know how intense our feelings can be and we get irritated more easily. We can be snappy. It makes sense to me grief has it's anger in there for various reasons. The "why?" is an obvious one for many going through it.

It must dredge up his feelings about his brother's lack of involvement? That hos brother could have treated her better and how that made her feel? I could understand that. I can imagine many a bitter exchange over that one.

I guess part of the process is listening to him get it out about his brother. I can understand how you naturally end up in the firing line. It's funny how we more easily step over boundaries with loved ones that we wouldn't with a stranger. But in the calmer times are you able to tell him you understand it but also that you are not the enemy?

[Carnation]

Lol, Terry
Just to add to that topic....
Make a point of going to the loo even if you have no need, it helps the mind to tell you that you are already empty!
In my bad days of stressful peeing I could go up to 8 times in the evening, but since trying this method it has been reduced. Plus, I don't have that face of Urgh, "am I going to make it time" feeling.

Terry, I think there is fallouts in most families, so I am not too concerned and I know my partner has to let off steam somehow. He has apologised to me, so he is aware of his actions at the moment.

Yes, I am quite experienced in that field now, losing 3 elders in 4 years. However, it doesn't get any easier.
But, it does make you appreciate life more and you look at everything quite differently.

[Darksky]

You know the saying, you always hurt the one you love, it's true. As there is only the two of you in the house, you are the easy option to give both barrels to. But it's all part of grieving, I think anger is one of the stages we pass through. He will get to acceptancec in his own time and will be very thankful you were there to help him.

Can't believe you've never tried bread and dripping. Obviously I'm older than you beef dripping was the best on a white slice. It was very nice in a basic way and filled us kids up. Now this does sound like urchins of Small Heath, running out of the tenement hovels in case the Peakys showed up.

[Buster70]

Hi all , sorry to hear about your cat Darksky we used to have cats before the dogs , the last cat we had taught the dog to use the cat flap to go out for a pee , until he got too big and would fit he then used to rattle it so we'd know , making that decision that it's their time to go is heart breaking, good job we don't get to make that choice with family my partner would have had me put down if I sneezed at certain times or the month .
Carnation , hope that anger does pass sooner rather than later , I kept it all in after my dad died partly because of the bloody great surprise he left for us at the funeral , it didn't hit me for six months then it was a lot harder ,being angry for a while might be a good thing , kind of like the bladder / bowel thing , it's better out than in .
Oh and I fell out with my brother after my dad died we didn't talk for a couple of years and it did bother me , I felt better when we were talking again , I did miss him.
Take care .

[Carnation]

This weather is so depressing! If it's not - 1C, it's gloomy and wet. We went out to get the car filled up with petrol yesterday which is a good 5 mile away and stopped to have a look in the village junk shop. And as I got out of the car, I was taken back by the ground that was disguising itself as a sheet of ice and almost went flying in to 'Dancing on Ice'.
"Great, I thought. The first time I venture further afield and I could broken another one of my limbs".

My lightheadedness has almost gone, but the trembling legs are back. Anxiety never seems to give you a break.
Although I do have to say, it always seems worse in the winter. Like Anxiety, if you are lumbered with it like winter, you just have to adapt to it best you can.
Use the time for relaxing, reading, listening to music, watching some of the dvds that have been hanging around for years. Do your spring cleaning early, why do it when the sun is shining and you can be outside.

The garden is full of snowdrop buds, although tiny, they have fought there way through to life.
It always amazes me how bulbs push their way through the earth. Soil is heavy. I know when I do my planters, I can't lift the bloomin thing. I'm enjoying the Winter Watch in TV, but most of all, the birds in the garden. They are so hardy and full of life. How on earth do they survive in these minus conditions?

Another shop to do today. How come we get through so much so quickly.
Anyway, I have my list, because when I get there my memory goes to mush and I always forget the vital item that I went for

---------- Post added at 10:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:26 ----------

Darksky, my mum gave me some weird stuff to eat as a kid, but never beef dripping. When I was growing up it was either out of a packet or a tin. It was the beginning of the convenience foods, full of additives and foreign ingredients. I hated semolina and that unearthly pink thing called 'Angel Delight'

Buster, I was thinking how many brother relationships had their troubles ....
The Kinks, The Beach Boys, Liam and Noel Gallagher......
A lot of it must be jealousy?

[Pkstracy]

Carnation good for you for doing it high five and hugs, also sorry to hear about the death of Mr. C's mom and Darksky sorry about your fur baby.

[Carnation]

Ahh, thanks Pkstracy x