Relapse! Coping, Symptoms and Tips.

[Carnation]

Do you know I predicted you would come to that decision.
Sometimes you have to go through all the negatives to come to a conclusion. I actually think you are doing the right thing. I know many that had regrets for cancelling.
When it came to it they say, "I wished I'd gone".
I actually think it is a good idea to have this sort of chat for all to see in the hope that it may help others.
I don't do emails. But by all means, you can pm me anytime Sue. x

[Carnation]

So, that friend came to see me today and told me she was ok and didn't need to be put up now.
In a way I was a little disappointed, but relieved as well.
I was anxious on just an hours visit, so maybe it would have been too much for me.
I've been doing some paintings lately to calm my nerves and she wanted to buy one. sympathy purchase.
I find I can sit calmly and chat when sketching, because I hate eye contact and I fiddle with my hands from nerves.
Not forgetting the fidgeting legs and find myself often doing a Kenny Everett impersonation with them.
Twiddling with the hair is another one as well as adjusting my sleeves up and down.
Although after a cup of chamomile tea, I feel completely calm. if only it lasted for more than a couple of hours.
I often wonder if I will ever be the person I was before anxiety. I have times of feeling as normal as you can be, but because I have been in a bad place so many times, the fear is the fear of that!
How much I can push myself, what's too much, too little, can my nerves stand it, what is it all doing to my body?
Well, what I have read and heard is people can have anxiety throughout their lives, even since childhood and they are still very much living.
I have to remind myself of someone's wise words, "anxiety is there to protect you". We see anxiety as the enemy, but it is the brain just trying to keep us safe?
If nothing else, you can use anxiety to get out of so many things. So I'm trying to look at the positives.

[Scass]

Painting and sketching sounds like a great idea, and it’s brilliant that you have this talent. How lovely that your friend wanted to buy your work!
I had a chamomile tea with a lovely dollop of honey last night, it was really good.


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[Carnation]

Hi Scass
I find the chamomile tea is something that calms me almost immediately and I love the smell, unlike my other half.
When I go out I carry a tiny bag of lavender in my bag for when I feel I need a quick calming too.
It's much nicer than what my mum use to use - smelling salts. (Screwing up face).

[Scass]

Ahh I love lavender too . I carry a Tisserand destress rollerball, it smells wonderful & it’s very nice rolled on your wrists or temples. Quite cooling too which is handy.


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[DustingMyselfOff]

Hi Carnation.
Things happen the way they're supposed to, so your friend coming to visit but NOT needing to stay with you was what you needed. I would be SO relieved! And good job finding the positives.... the more we can replace the negatives with those, the quicker we can re-train our brains. Now if I could only live another 60 years maybe I can undo the 60 years of bad thinking and anxiety.
Sue

[Carnation]

Yesterday it was next door neighbours birthday and I braved it by going it alone to knock on her door with a card and small present.
"Come in", she said.
"Shit", I thought. "Wasn't expecting that, because I knew she was going out for lunch with her family, that's why I timed it that way.
" Eh, I have to get back, I told Mr C I'd only be a minute", I sort of stuttered out of my nervous mouth.
"Well, just come in for a minute then", she replied.
"Damn", I thought, she's going to persist, but give it another shot and said, "I don't want to hold you up with your family coming".
"Just come in", she insistently said this time and began walking away from me and inside the house.
"Shit again".
So with one foot inside the door like I was testing the water in a bath, I edged my way in over her very shiny white tiles, past the enormous glass top table which shouts out, 'danger', through to the kitchen which feels so hot and I stand there with my legs shaking and probably a very scared look on my face.
She chats away as she opens my present and card and all I can think about is getting out of there. And she chats and pauses occasionally for a response, I feel bad because I'm not really paying attention.
Then, to my surprise she tells me she felt dizzy.
"Oh gawd, I thought. Cant tell her how I feel.
So I asked her if she had eaten much that morning. And she goes on to tell me that she'd been up since 6am and already a couple of visitors. So I suggested she have a cup of tea and a biscuit and to sit calmly until her family arrive which was minutes away. I know she had been rushing around as well, so told her it was probably that and getting excited. As well as being up for 6 hours. She agreed with me.
And just before I left she asked me if I was ok because apparently I have been looking sad lately. I can't deny that, but I told her I was fine and made my way cautiously to her front door. Although I was very aware of my stance and slow speed.
Once out of there I released a huge sigh of relief and by the time I got home I said to myself, "you did it".
Ok, it was no more than ten minutes, but I'll take that.
I telephoned my neighbour later that day to see if she was alright and she said she was fine. . (The word 'fine' is so overused).

What a day with the weather yesterday.
Blowing a gale and rain like a monsoon. But we had to go out because exhausted everything we had in the fridge, so after wrapping myself up like I was going on a hike we made our way out to the supermarket.
Urgh, what a fun day, not!
Surprisingly managed the shopping ok, but on the way back suddenly got chest pain. Only slight, but it was there.
"Oh no", I thought. "It's all been too much for me and I'm going to have a heart attack". So with worried face and gulping water as if it were the cure for my heart, I tell Mr C which falls on death ears. Clutch my chest as if that was another cure and make our way back home.
No sooner I was there, so was I belching wind. I had a small lunch that day and I was still very anxious when I had my lunch from the visit to my neighbour.
But although I had realised that is nothing but indigestion, my anxiety had taken a hold and good ol lightheadedness had come to join in. This always gets me, but sat down with a chamomile tea and got out my sketch book.
Let's say my drawing was a bit scary, just how I felt.
I thought, "At least it's out on the paper and out of me!"
Challenges - won 2
Anxiety - licking it's wounds

[DustingMyselfOff]

Congrats, I think! I'm amazed at how easily our anxiety can get triggered. Reading your post, I was living it with you and I felt the lightheadedness and tingly feeling rising in my body. So I guess my dilemma about things like the visit to your neighbor is: should we keep pushing ourselves to do the things that we know will make us anxious, or should we just stop doing the ones we can, and save our warrior strength for the things we HAVE to do? For example, yes, a person needs to go to the grocery store on a regular basis. but did you need to go visit your neighbor or could you have instead left the card and gift in her mailbox or on her doorstep while she was out?

The reason I'm confused is because I've even gotten conflicting answers to that from medical professionals. Some tell me to push through and keep trying, while others tell me to "be kind to myself" and if something makes me uncomfortable, don't do it! Even things as important as these long trips to visit my daughter: my GP tells me if I don't want to go, I shouldn't. My daughter is the one that moved away from family, and if my daughter needs help with her children on occasion, she has other resources she can call on. So I'm on the fence as to when we should keep pushing and when we should just say "I don't want to, I don't have to, and you can't make me!"

I think if I were in my 20s, 30s, or 40s I might go with "yes, you need to keep pushing and fight this demon" but now that I'm in my 60s, why keep putting myself through it?

Anyway, kudos to you for getting through what was a rough day. I have declined neighbor's invitations and attempts to become sociable because I know if I start doing it, they will want it to become a regular thing and I'm just not interested. I'm friendly, cordial and kind, but mostly in text and in email. And if I accept their invitations to come over, I will then need to reciprocate, and God forbid I don't want to have them over! Luckily I have dogs, one that is 160 pounds, so that's my good excuse for not having people over.
Sue

[Buster70]

Carnation your internal monologue seems to swear as much as mine , probably no threat at all in going into your neighbours but some how our mind turns it into a dangerous situation, that said some of my neighbors it is quite dangerous, I’ve also been using the same heart attack cure several times this week I’m surprised Doctors haven’t started to use it , a bottle of cold water in my van ready should a heart attack come on , a few gulps and it subsides .bloody fake attacks .
Sue , I too have the dilemma of avoiding family meet ups etc but the pain I go through in spending time with them in an anxious state is nothing to the pain I put myself through if I dont see them and feel I’ve let them and myself down , so I’ll keep putting myself through it , I will put myself through any pain to try and make them happy , I’ve felt horrible all week but today I took my grandkids to school then we had them round after school , went to mc d’s and all came back home and we played games that my granddaughter forced us into for several hours , I was in pain the whole time but hid it , and at times my anxiety was forgotten just long enough to take some real enjoyment from being with them .
just my opinion but I’d say keep trying don’t take the easy comfortable option .

[DustingMyselfOff]

Thanks for the feedback, Buster. Yes, local family events are really hard on me, especially since the older sister who is the cause of a lot of my anxiety is still my biggest source, and she's always hosting the events. If I DON'T go, I have even worse hell to pay.

I think I will take the middle road when it comes to forcing myself to do stuff. Things like family events (especially grandchildren cross country) I will keep sucking it up and making myself go, but little things like getting on the highway if I'm feeling anxious I'll avoid (if there's another way to get there) and social events with people I hardly know and who won't really mind if I don't show, I'll just skip. I've got to learn to take some pressure off myself.
Sue