hear no evil/speak no evil /see no evil

[mirry]

Hi everyone, I just had to write this .

I havent been on here the past week, I got so bad and just couldnt face it.
I decided to stay away when I read that a medication I was going to try didnt work for someone, yes I know that everyone is different but I just felt distaught. Then my son got admitted to hospial with appendix problems, hes home now . But I got chatting to my sister who lives 250 miles away and has suffered with anxiety and panic and she told me how she got over it, she said that she stopped talking about it because it was feeding it daily, when i told her I come on here she told me to stop doing that.

Well I have been feeling better in myself since staying away, it is a fantastic site and I have been here years but I am going to cut it down and find a happy medium. Its funny cos coming on here today It really stood out how much It all effects me, I have seen title sof peoples posts that make me feel panicky ,lol. Basically maybe Im not the one to be reading them cos they make me feel worse (im very sensitive).

I feel very torn about what to do, I may just visit the Misc forum only, and do it as a trial to see how i get on. Would anyone like to join me ?


Im not going to talk about health, anxiety or panic or read about these things online or off line. I am going to watch less news and do more excersize and spend more time with my family and hobbies.
I am only allowed to visit here once or twice a week.

It certainly seems true that the more you talk about anxiety and panic the more your training your mind to keep it as an obsession., your reliving it over and over again.

Does anyone have any thoughts about this ?

[Lindalou64]

i totally agree mirry even tho i do come here everyday ...i knew yrs ago not to talk about it cause i was just feeding it...i have empathy anxiety and when i hear someone panicking hurting ect i pick up on that feeling but i also like to help so its hard and ive met so many friends and some make me laugh which does help...but for some i guess it does help and for others it makes them worse or just lingers...i wish ya the best mirry take time for you........Linda xxx

[Trev]

Good for you.

I've said many times that I believe it is a subtle balancing act. Sometimes we need reassurance and we get alot from the support here. Other times though we can just be keeping things alive when we would be better off doing something in the "real world" not involving anxiety.

As we know anxiety doesn't need alot of crumbs to feed on at low times.

Cheers

[jacq]

Hi Mirry, i agree with you on this, and you are right it all depends on what type of person you are. Like you, just reading some of the threads can make me think "oh no i couldn't cope with that" and once it is in your mind it's stuck. I don't tend to discuss my anxiety with anybody except my doctor or occasionally my husband and he changes the subject straight away, not because he is unsympathetic but because like your sister says you are feeding it, and feeding it is only going to make and it grow and get bigger. When i used to discuss it with others i found they were always watching me and asking are you allright do you want to go yet , and even if i did feel ok to start with once that little seed of doubt had been planted i would automatically start to worry and feel anxious. I only come on the site once or twice a week now and try and stick to the funnies and games but it is hard after years spent reading everything you can find in the hope of finding a cure. I also stay away from medication now as i have come to believe that it isn't a cure and it doesn't stop the way i think only masks the physical symptoms, i have been having a go at tapping after i found a clip on another site, i don't know if it truly works or is just a distraction but it has helped me. More than anything i like the fact that everyone here feels the same and that in itself is a great comfort.

I know it won't happen over night as i have been feeding my anxiety for years, but i think the time has come to put it on a strict diet and hopefully i will see it fall away bit by bit, as just like my weight i start every new year saying this year i am going to do something about it cause i have spent the whole of the previous year feeling totally crap only for the summer to roll around and i've done bugger all about it again. Really really want to start enjoying life again.

Jacq x

[skylight2007]

Dearest dearest Mirry!!!!! well I havent been on here for a while now as you all know, But I just wanted to reply you. By the way, a big hello to you all!!

Mirry isnt it amazing when we focus our attention on the other things in life, like you say, spending more quality time with your family, our feelings change. I truly believe the advice your sis gave you was spot on. Of course anxiety can become an obbession and it only becomes so with constantly reliving it like you rightfully said. By doing this we often leave no room in our minds to see what else is there right in front of us.

Finding the balance is really what I feel you are now acknowleding in yourself. I have often said, too much time in negative thinking, unbalances the mental scale of postitive and negative. I often say to people, imagine the scale in your head, and mentally see , which one weighs the heaviest, the postitive or the negative?

I am so glad you have reached that point in your life where you realise that developing the postitive things in life also needs nuturing. You will not believe Mirry how the wonderful simple things in life will give you so much pleasure, like having a laugh, spending time with your kids. By contanstly placing more value on these things, you will have clarity in mind and body!!

The other important point I would like to share with you is this.

Whenever their is a shift in inner awareness, their is also a shift in mental attitude and the language changes also from negative to positive. I have experienced my healing journey to do exactly that. meaning, we tend to move on to people who are more positive in their outlook , that doesnt dismiss the fact that we cannot empathise with the problems of others, it simply means that we can but we do get emotionaly caught up because once that positive change takes place on a daily basis, we naturally cannot be around negative folks for too long, its like being pierced in the heart, disturbing the happy medium within that we work so hard to achieve and understand.

So having said all that Mirry, be peaceful with yourself, enjoy your newly found balance, because its so important and within the next few weeks, you will feel so much better and more in control of the way you want to be!!

Much love to you and everyone here!!!

Love Sky xxx

[Piglet]

Hi Sky - lovely to hear from you again hun!

Mirry - you've already had exactly the replies that I would have said about balance and Sky put it very well using the analogy of scales etc!!

The site has the most valuable quality of reassurance and support but it is not meant to take the place of work we need to do for ourselves, rather to be there to encourage the good work to continue and hopefully nip irrational worries in the bud.

We're all mates on here but just like in the real world we all need space every now and then.

I'm sure you'll find that balance mate - cos we love having you here!

Piglet

[Southern_Belle]

Mirry,

I agree balance in everything is the key to success in life. As for that medication you were thinking of taking I would discuss it again with your doctor. It is your choice of course. I personally have had huge success on it. Effexor I had an allergic reaction to which someone else stated that had success on. My point is everyone is different. If you think you need medication for a short period do not let someone put you off due to their bad experience. However, if you think by not reading so much on the site you can beat it without the meds go for it. I will say paxil long term is difficult to come off of for some people but I don't think that is your intention. Good luck and take care of yourself.

Laura

[mirry]

I couldnt stay away cos Id miss you all so much , but will try to stay balanced and read only certain posts.
I will keep you reported on how im doing with it, I am hoping to avoid pills .

You have all made really valid points, Skylight , what a clever girl you are , you sound like your doing really well.


Its amazing what good friends you have all become, thank you xxx

[Under~The~Stars]

Mirry, I'm glad you are not leaving for good. Just want to say that I agree totally with what the others have said regarding balance, I may give it a try too

Take care,

Lou xxx

PS Sky, lovely to see you! And very good reply