I started having panic attacks due to GAD about 12 years ago now when i was 15. (i am now about to turn 27 in a month) I started seeing a psychiatrist for it and was prescribed klonopin which helped me wonderfully. Somehow over time she did not want me to stay on it anymore and kept trying to shuffle me over to other off-label prescriptions like gabapentin (never again. 7 broken bones in 4 years in my feet from it making my bones brittle) or adjunct SSRI/SNRI's, as well as to see a therapist.

I have tried therapy quite a few times, CBT, DBT, neither of them have helped, and the CBT actually made it worse by multitudes. Anyway, about 5 months ago i said enough is enough with wasting my time and money seeing a therapist that 1. Didn't understand my problem and 2. Talked down to me. (My brother was not showering at the time and he had given me a ride to the appt. The doc said I needed to work on my hygiene.) I didn't know what he was talking about at all. I usually take 4-5 showers a day to relieve my chronic back pain. (3 bulging discs and thoracic outlet syndrome) and i also quit seeing the psychiatrist who was only interested in getting me off of the 1 med that was making my quality of life livable in the social department.

That was 5 months ago. I am no longer on klonopin which i had a nurse congratulate me on even though I don't even leave the house anymore. I'm anxious about getting a job. About seeing friends. I've been hurt in my last 2 jobs and now I have a permanent back problem that is legitimately life threatening (it is not an irrational fear for me.).

On top of all of this, i can't even sleep longer than 3 hours at a time, and i am lucky to get 6 hours a night broken up into 3 sessions. I hardly want to talk to my family most days. I'm scared to pick up my pain medicine prescriptions because of fear of getting judged like a drug addict because of how young i am and my illness is invisible. I have a hard time eating because as food travels down my esophagus it pushes on my back making my pain even worse. I don't know what to do i feel at the end of my rope . Before with the klonopin i'd at least leave the house 2-3 weeks a month for every day straight.. Now i don't leave the house more than once a week.

Any advice or kind words would be wonderfully appreciated. I know i just unloaded a pretty indepth and overall pitiful story, i wish for you guys that you never get treated by doctors the way i have and never have to endure the pain i live in.