How to make new friends?

[Keep going]

Hi stu1980

I think I am no good at making conversation full stop, as I would not know what to talk about(if you see what I mean).

For instance, I went to my nephews 4th birthday party, a couple of months back, there was quite a lot of people there, obviously if someone spoke to me first I would answer them back, but it would be like one word answer, I spent most of the day either talking to my mum or just in a corner (bit of a sad thing to do, but I can't really help it).

Another sad thing really, I don't really want to get married, because I don't really have any friends so it would be mostly family, and I am afraid that people might not turn up. I know it is daft but I can't really help it. My partner has not asked for a while anyhow.

ajb135

Hi Shygirlajb, you sound like you know what to say, well write. Its just expressing it in public situations. May be you could go to one of these social anxiety meets, held in most areas of the country. They also have women meets as well. May be you could take your partner as well. Just tell them whats going on in your mind. I'm sure you'll get the support you need, people suprise you sometimes. I've found this out.

Stuart

[SHYGIRLAJB]

Hi Shygirlajb, you sound like you know what to say, well write. Its just expressing it in public situations. May be you could go to one of these social anxiety meets, held in most areas of the country. They also have women meets as well. May be you could take your partner as well. Just tell them whats going on in your mind. I'm sure you'll get the support you need, people suprise you sometimes. I've found this out.

Stuart

Hi Stuart

I know I probably don't sound really shy and confident when I write on here, because I told you various things.

Speaking to a person face to face is another thing, I find it very hard, I wondering if they are talking about me (just things like that going through my head) etc etc.

At the moment I am not sure about going to the social anxiety meets, plus don't think partner would like to go, as I don't have the courage to go.

Many thanks for answering me.

Cheers

shygirlajb

[KittyKate]

Hi Star

How spooky I am in the almost same postition you're in. I had a baby really young.. left school, worked here and there but nothing long term. I just split up with my partner of many years (it was a violent relationship) and had a clean slate.

So its sad I know lol, but I'm 26 and have no friends.

Have read all the replys on this thread and its been very helpfull.

I'm gonna try some of them cause I need to move on in a sense, if you wanna chat pm me x

[samtheman]

Hi Stuart

I know I probably don't sound really shy and confident when I write on here, because I told you various things.

Speaking to a person face to face is another thing, I find it very hard, I wondering if they are talking about me (just things like that going through my head) etc etc.

At the moment I am not sure about going to the social anxiety meets, plus don't think partner would like to go, as I don't have the courage to go.

Many thanks for answering me.

Cheers

shygirlajb

Hi, I am the exact same, I can speak fine on here, or even on the phone but in real life I am hopeless, I can't speak as my mind goes totally blank, Its not that I don't want to but I just go blank. At family functions I am left sitting alone like Johnny no mates in the corner, Like you if someone speaks to me I am fine, I have also noticed I get on better with loud mouths who do all the talking.

I should also add I have not got 1 friend, Do I win an award or something. To be honest I'm not really to bothered either, I much more enjoy my own or wifes company, But then I look at the wife who doesn't have anxiety and she doesn't have any friends either, I look at my parents they are the same, I look at the wifes parents again they are the same.

[KW]

Hi Star, i can so relate to how you're feeling. I get so shy and self conscious and i'm trying to make new friends and have recently joined a pliates class, quite cheap and go once a week in an evening. Also i'm thinking of doing a college course. Is there anything you'd like to do at college in an evening? You may make friends that way and you'd have the same interest in what you'd be learning.. just an idea anyway

[WanderingSoul]

Hello everyone, it's been interesting to read all your responses, because I find myself with the same problem too. I am lucky to have grown up in a small town and still stay in touch with a few awesome friends who understand and accept that sometimes I shut myself off from the world for days at a time...

But, like many of you, it can be discouraging to see everyone else on facebook having such great social lives, etc., and here I sit all by myself. But, I know I do it to myself. We all do. I think the idea of joining classes and other groups is a good one. Unfortunately, there is then the phobia about joining......

Guess we just have to keep gently pushing ourselves..... !

[boogie-woogie]

im 27 can i join lol

[MissChampers]

I have 2 friends who i've known for years but they now live in different counties so I hardly see them anymore. I have other friends I met online and I actually plucked up the courage to go up to Manchester the other week to meet them for a night out which was very good. I don't really find it easy to make friends and i've always felt awkward around new people so I tend to stick with people who I feel comfortable with like my sisters. I have 2 children and a partner too so I don't really get much time to socialise but I guess it would be nice to have a close friend nearby who I could confide in and have a laugh with from time to time.

[Alabasterlyn]

About 3yrs ago I got so fed up of having no friends or social life I dragged my partner to a local Social Club. At first it all seemed very nice, they had lots of organised events like Quiz Nights and live band nights and for a few months I was really happy being part of it. I'm not in the least bit shy when it comes to meeting new people and grabbed every opportunity to get along with all the new people I met.

After a few months though we began to realise that everyone there was very cliquey and really the only time they joined us was when the rest of the clique wasn't there and as soon as they turned up we would be left on our own again. Although it didn't bother my partner, as he wasn't particularly bothered about going there anyway, I have to say it really broke my heart as I was so happy to have at long last found somewhere close to go to and didn't have to worry about my agoraphobia making it difficult.

I have found that the older I get the harder it is to find new friends as most people have got their network of friends and don't seem to want to expand it. Or perhaps it's just me.

[Bill]

Friends....Hmmmm. This has always been my hardest problem. When you care for a wife with her illness and for a long time not being able to work, it's been very difficult to find friends of my age.

The friends I do have are either of retirement age locally or of my age but live miles away. I can get out but no groups take my fancy. I keep looking but I've yet to find something. I even tried setting up an anxiety group but there weren't enough people to make it viable. It's a Very frustrating problem!