Fear of being on my own for the rest of my life (:

[Scass]

Not sure if you’ve done this already as I haven’t read the whole thread, but have you looked at mentalhealthmates.com? They set up regular walks in various towns and cities across the UK.


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[pulisa]

Great post, KK.

Everyone who has contributed to both of your current threads on here is trying to help you, Dave. It's a good source of support even though it's "just" cyber support and it would be a shame to walk away from it when you are feeling vulnerable. Hopefully we can support you to find a friendship group in your local area-I know you have a criteria for what you want but maybe you should just lower your expectations a bit and allow things to develop at their own pace?

[Bigboyuk]

I understand how loneliness can feel and I've said in PMs and emails how although I'm alone most of the time, I don't feel "lonely". I actually get annoyed when people assume you must be lonely if you live alone. For me it's a state of mind and I value my independence and space. However, no man (or woman) is an island either and I also believe we need a degree of social interaction, therefore I'm lucky to have close friends I can rely upon, although we still lead separate lives.

I have suggested a few times that you should focus more on social networking rather than NMP. Even when meet-ups happened on here, they would be perhaps monthly (maybe longer): a few hours at a pub or other venue, occasionally a whole day out, then people would go home. I really feel you want more than that. You seek a friend/friends you can spend time with on a regular basis in your area, or relatively nearby anyway.

I believe most people meet these days via FB and other similar social media sites. Perhaps it's one reason why meet-ups have fizzled out on NMP. Also, the slow but inexorable transformation of this site from a "community" suffering with PAs and general anxiety/depression into a high turnover HA forum. It's a reflection of social changes more than NMP IMO. I've noticed many members joining, posting their concerns and then disappearing for good. So the NMP "community" has shrunk, if not disappeared, and it seems regular members like us are becoming fewer and fewer.

You will meet like-minded people on a more specific social media site (doesn't have to be FB), but do understand your desire to "ideally" find people who share and understand mental health illnesses.

You will always have your NMP friends here, even if we remain only cyber-friends. We can still support you through the tough times - like I hope you appreciate we're trying to do now.

KK Yes I get that and I don't mind being at home on my own, but company at home is good too. I too value my space on my own.

Absolutely You have said this a few times that we all need interaction at times, for those that say they don't then they either have been hurt a lot or had bad life experiences etc or are deluded.

It's still being online though, so don't know what Iam going to do, I had a severe brain condition at only 9 months old it's fairly rare and it's devastated/ruined my whole life. If I hadn't had this condition things would have been totally different.

You may be right on that,but NMP is just another platform that includes a section for Meet Up's (so not a sn site but it's still got that element to it)

Yes it's creating 'common' ground which is a good thing so having a MH can help but not always. The other way I look at sadly KK there's some things one cant change and I think in my case it's my loneliness Do you know the serenity prayer? God grant me the courage to accept the things I cant change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference it's always used in the 12 step anonymous programmes.

Yes we have lost a few regular members over a period of time which I have noticed myself, think that will always happen with forums, some want a quick fix post once or twice then you never hear from them again. others will be on everyday quite possibly because they are lonely and have nothing else in their life others visit everyday to try and help others, etc ,etc many reasons.

Yes I know that KK and can see everyone is trying to help me just wish one day some of us could meet. ATB

---------- Post added at 10:22 ---------- Previous post was at 10:19 ----------

Not sure if you’ve done this already as I haven’t read the whole thread, but have you looked at mentalhealthmates.com? They set up regular walks in various towns and cities across the UK.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes was a member a good while back, checked again but no walks in my area again yet. Thanks for posting it ATB

---------- Post added at 10:33 ---------- Previous post was at 10:22 ----------

Great post, KK.

Everyone who has contributed to both of your current threads on here is trying to help you, Dave. It's a good source of support even though it's "just" cyber support and it would be a shame to walk away from it when you are feeling vulnerable. Hopefully we can support you to find a friendship group in your local area-I know you have a criteria for what you want but maybe you should just lower your expectations a bit and allow things to develop at their own pace?

Hi pulisa. Yes and I appreciate this totally That would be good, Yes think I may have set the bar too high, and I want it developed in to something great overnight. Prehaps I need a life coach cause I have lost my way, but it's not available on the NHS! Do you have any friends outside of here? Thx ATB

[pulisa]

Well I have friends but no one I can talk to, if that makes sense? Being a carer does isolate me and my life doesn't follow the same path as friends I used to have. That doesn't bother me though because my time is spent looking after my family who have specific needs.
To be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable in social situations anyway now due to my own MH issues.

[Bigboyuk]

Well I have friends but no one I can talk to, if that makes sense? Being a carer does isolate me and my life doesn't follow the same path as friends I used to have. That doesn't bother me though because my time is spent looking after my family who have specific needs.
To be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable in social situations anyway now due to my own MH issues.

I understand but I don't want my MH issues to make me feel uncomfortable in social situations, but it seems to be going that way, so we differ there. ATB

[pulisa]

Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace?

[Buster70]

Pulisa you are definitely not a lost cause , looney maybe but not a quitter
BB I grew up with lots of freinds and was very social mental health problems robbed me of that and like pulisa I still have freinds but none I could talk to even though two of my mates have been sectioned I still wouldn't open up about my problems ( male pride ) , I don't see mates socially any more and some have now passed away or moved away .
I don't feel the need for close friendships right now as it adds to the pressure , I get plenty of human contact from the work I do and dog walking , the good thing about this is I can walk away and not be committed ( probably should be committed) .
We are a fickle bunch on here and mental health problems make us not the most reliable people , I've missed three funnerals out of seven in the past few years due to anxiety so getting someone to agree and turn up to a meet up isn't going to be easy , we agree overthink it then bottle out it's the nature of the beast .
A few people have pm'ed me for a while then disappeared without trace I take that as a good thing that they have got better and moved on which gives us hope , the best freindships are the ones that just happen over time they can't be forced .
Just me and the dogs again tonight and my only regret is throwing the remote at the wall last week so now I've got to get up to turn over .
Take care .

[KK77]

Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace?

Definitely not a "lost cause" - you fulfil a very important role in life with the responsibilities you take on

So no more of that talk, Agent P

[WiseMonkey]

You can feel very lonely in a bad marriage/ relationship, been there, done that myself. There was so much relief when I was finally by myself (although with 2 young children) as there was no more negativity or abuse!

When you are by yourself, you are open to new friendships or relationships and the universe will provide.

What is very popular among older adults in NZ is being in a relationship but living alone ie in your own place. It gives you the best of both worlds, times together plus the independence of living alone. My b/friend, now partner and I did this for 4 years. We'd spend the weekends together then catch up mid-week. We decided to live together as there were financial gains for us both plus we'd decided to get married in the future

Note Don't expect this sort of arrangement to be agreeable to people who want to get married of have a family (males or females)!!

[Bigboyuk]

Pulisa you are definitely not a lost cause , looney maybe but not a quitter
BB I grew up with lots of freinds and was very social mental health problems robbed me of that and like pulisa I still have freinds but none I could talk to even though two of my mates have been sectioned I still wouldn't open up about my problems ( male pride ) , I don't see mates socially any more and some have now passed away or moved away .
I don't feel the need for close friendships right now as it adds to the pressure , I get plenty of human contact from the work I do and dog walking , the good thing about this is I can walk away and not be committed ( probably should be committed) .
We are a fickle bunch on here and mental health problems make us not the most reliable people , I've missed three funnerals out of seven in the past few years due to anxiety so getting someone to agree and turn up to a meet up isn't going to be easy , we agree overthink it then bottle out it's the nature of the beast .
A few people have pm'ed me for a while then disappeared without trace I take that as a good thing that they have got better and moved on which gives us hope , the best freindships are the ones that just happen over time they can't be forced .
Just me and the dogs again tonight and my only regret is throwing the remote at the wall last week so now I've got to get up to turn over .
Take care .

Buster well that's the difference you were blessed lucky on that front, I wasn't so lucky even as child I was rejected at school so always alone. Yes had quite a few pm's of members many have dried up but I would respectfully say that while they may have got better probably with me they got bored (: well at least you will get exercise I had tv once yes it was one of the first remote control tv but only 3 buttons on it OFF (not standby rubbish now a days) Volume and Channel. When you clicked OFF you could see the button on the Tv actually pop out so to turn it back on you had to get up and push the button back in to the tv what a cool idea. ATB

---------- Post added at 13:39 ---------- Previous post was at 13:25 ----------

Oh I'm a lost cause, BB! I enjoy a bit of peace and quiet but I'm fortunate in that I don't feel lonely. I do understand your need to find new friends but don't make it the be all and end all because you will just distress yourself further if things don't go to your plans? See how these new contacts develop but don't force the pace?

I enjoy some me time too but I do like to be around folk too. I have 1 friend who I have known for nearly 8 years now he is solid as a rock we debate we laugh, we chill and we give each other a man hug when they leave so yes for that I am greatful but one is never enough a bit like ferro roche lol Yes I know some one is going to post oh they haven't got no one atall that wont make me feel any better! Thx for your reply ATB