I become easily attached to people and then depressed when I'm alone

[BobRJ]

This is a long post

For a long time when I was younger i never really cared about 'being alone'. I would get home from school and then go straight to my bedroom to play video games and read books. I had plenty of friends but always refused to go out with them because i wanted to be alone in my room. I hated playing outside for too long and couldn't wait to get back to my bedroom

Now that I'm older i feel the exact opposite. Meeting my first girlfriend changed me and made me enjoy spending time with others. I was 21 when i met her in work and she was my first. We were officially together for about a year and then she broke up with me. She told me that I was a nice person but i was too clingy and affectionate and that she just didnt want that

I was definitely clingy but just couldnt change that. I became easily attached and couldnt stop thinking about her, because she was the only person I ever spent time with (besides parents and brother). Whenever we weren't together i would constantly text her and wonder what she was up to. I know that that was/is pathetic but i just couldnt stop. I became easily depressed whenever she took too long to reply to a text or phone call and even stopped eaiting/watching TV/reading books etc.

I explained how i felt to my brother who is very supportive and convinced me to go to therapy, which helped a lot. I then started spending time with my brother and my sister in law and her family. I went on holiday with them for two weeks and had a great time.

I became quickly attached to my sister in laws family (her sister, brother, sister husbands and kids etc) and now always get invited to their family get together. I always have a great time with them but as soon as i leave their house I begin to miss being with them. I love going to parties with them but feel awful the next day, because everything goes back to normal. I always think about what they are doing and if they are enjoying themselves without me (even though i know that they are just sitting at home most of the time)

I bonded with my sister in laws 12 year old nephew during the two weeks (playing pool, swimming etc) and he obviously enjoyed my company as he asked to come to my house when we got home from holiday. He began texting me every weekend to ask if he could come to play xbox and go to the park to play football. I dont have a life outside of work so i always say yes and i really enjoy spending time with her. I think of him as a nephew and he refers to me as his uncle. I feel awkward at times when i think about the fact that my closest friend is a 12 year old but, like i said, i enjoy being with him and i know he enjoys being with me. Hearing him laugh at my jokes and talk to his friends (in the park) about me and how cool my house is makes me feel great

The problem is, I now realize that I'm becoming attached to him. He started to spend less time with me when he started high school and i feel lonely whenever he isnt here. He still comes every now and then and has just been here for the last five days as hes been off school for easter. He went home yesterday and I'm already beginning to feel depressed. I start to miss him as soon as he leaves

This is why I'm worried about meeting new friends or even a new girlfriend. I know i become easily attached but i just cant stop myself

Does anyone have any tips to stop me feeling lonely/depressed as soon as I stop spending time with people?

[Scass]

You sound like you are a good friend to people, and it’s great that you have a good circle of close family & friends.

I suppose the trick is in learning to enjoy your own company. I’m not really sure how to achieve this though, it’s maybe something to research.

I often come home more animated after spending time with friends, and I usually feel a bit down about my little flat & the mess, after I’ve spent time at friends or family’s houses. It’s fleeting though. I recognise the beauty in my relationships, but I also love my own space, and I can think of plenty of things to do with my time.

Perhaps you need to find some hobbies or interests that you can do on your own. Or going to the gym, where you’re still being social, but it’s your own thing. Does this make sense at all?

You seem quite sensitive & I don’t want you to feel daunted at the idea of finding ways to feel happy with your own company, but I’m sure that would help.


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[PatriUCLA]

... Perhaps you need to find some hobbies or interests that you can do on your own. Or going to the gym, where you’re still being social, but it’s your own thing.

One of my best friends gave the same great advice but I was terrified by the judgment of other people in the gym. I started going there with my friend and in a short time I set myself. The next step was a Latin American dance class. The first three lessons I was terrified, I went to the toilet 5 times in half an hour. Now I have to thank my friend for the valuable advices that helped me overcome some fears.