I think it's just kinda calming to post this right now, so this is kind of a vent, but if anyone reads and relates, that'd be interesting to hear about... Noises are really getting to me tonight...

Ever since I started living with my grandmother in the suburbs to attend tertiary schooling ~2 years ago, I've gradually developed fears I didn't consider I'd ever have... I'm a country girl who's had health anxiety since I was about 8, but within my time in the suburbs, I've also developed almost crippling fears of people breaking into the house while I'm sleeping. Sometimes it's worse than others, but it's one of the reasons I generally stay up until 4/5am every night.

Along with this fear I'm become deathly terrified of the slightest noises that I hear within the house - noises which are usually common ones that I should be used to (the ceiling fan causing my blinds to clack together happens constantly, but still scares the living daylight out of me), the cat, or just the house settling/kitchen appliances. I wear headphones all the time and keep the volumes of my streams/videos quite loud to try and distract me from this, but as soon as something breaks through that barrier, I stiffen, pull my headphones off, listen intently for minutes, and literally prepare myself for an attacker.

I'm also now absolutely terrified of hearing PLANES outside. I think that sort of started around when N.Korea and the USA had all that nuclear discussion a good while back... 'Cause now everytime I hear a plane or helicopter in the sky, I assume the absolute worst is happening and have a mental breakdown for a while until it passes and I can assure myself the 'danger' has passed...

It's so awful. I feel unsafe when I go out anywhere just 'cause I'm constantly afraid of something bad happening... but being afraid even of where I live ('cause of common noises, no less) is horrifying, really. Definitely worse when I'm here alone.