Anxiety from relationship conflict

[bulan]

In 2017, most of my anxiety was from a very bizarre, ongoing conflict with a relative. She deals with debilitating anxiety over conflicts and even over disagreements. So when she and I had a difference of opinion, her anxiety led her to say and do certain things that caused me acute anxiety at times. It's a bit ridiculous when I think about it. The whole year was this way because she was too anxious to sit down and talk it through. We've been close friends for 30 years, but she admits to having a big people pleasing problem, and even wanting to please me (her words). But she just can't bring herself to the point of working this through together. The whole conflict has dragged on for almost two years, and she spent most of that time avoiding me, and talking about me to others, including mutual friends. If I think about what makes me feel anxious about this situation, it's two things: 1) her intense anxiety seems to trigger mine, and 2) the hurtful and untrue accusations she has made against me to others.

Has anyone else gone through something similar?

[KK77]

Doesn't sound at all "bizarre" if you're familiar with Avoidant Personality Disorder, of which your friend appears to have strong traits. Having a friendship/relationship with someone who has this personality type/disorder can be very challenging, because not only do they avoid confronting people with their true feelings, they can also suffer with very low self-esteem, which they sometimes attempt to cover up by projecting (criticism of themselves) onto others.

Have a read of this Wiki link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoida...ality_disorder

[bulan]

KK77, thank you! Until now I had just considered it extreme anxiety. I hadn't thought of it in terms of a personality disorder. Good thought, I'll look into it.

Her brother has been diagnosed with GAD, and a few of their relatives believe that their controlling mother and grandmother, and shame-based upbringing, are part of the root cause. It's tragic.