Too many directions

[MyNameIsTerry]

Glad to hear things have gone well. I agree with Darksky & pulisa, I don't think you are a HAer in the normal sense. The thing is, HA crosses over various disorders and GAD is one of them. GAD being different to the more obsessive-compulsive style HAers may mean you are worried because you a person who worries. HAers are very committed to worrying about health and don't seem to worry as much about other things, it's more their focus.

Isn't it ok to worry? isn't it normal? It's not when it becomes a disorder. But someone without any of this could find a lump and worry for a week or two until they have the appointments and tests just like my dad & brother have. They didn't do any researching but it was obviously on their mind. But they don't have an anxiety disorder to contend with as well so don't face the negative behaviours that may push them into Googling.

So, just Googling doesn't mean you in that category to me. And you've had a hell of lot of a lot going on this year which is very likely the reason this has affected you so. It's just the infamous straw.

The thing I've found about having GAD is that it does overlap into other disorders but to a lesser extent. For instance, I've experienced Agoraphobia at my worst but I wouldn't consider myself an Agoraphobic as this was just a feature of how my GAD works when I'm really struggling. The same with Social Anxiety. It's a persistent disorder that you can feel bubbling away all the time no matter what you are doing and you could diagnose yourself with all sorts of anxiety disorders when the reality might be more that the higher baseline for anxiety means you are bound to respond more to everything.

I've never felt health concerns in the HA sense but if I found out I had something physically wrong of course that is going to affect me.

I think you just fell into a bit of a Google trap as opposed to it being your go-to compulsion-wise like others on here. Get yourself back on track now.

[pulisa]

I'm probably a bit like you too, Fishman. Not a dedicated HA-er but someone who is easily triggered by health concerns and then of course the anxiety spirals unless you can put a check on it. You really do have to ban yourself from Google though-no negotiation with this one.

Get back to your garden and enjoy your beautiful rose!

[fishman65]

Thank you for that analysis Terry, very thorough and accurate it is too. I must admit that once I've had a professional opinion from a doctor, that is it and I don't tend to escalate my fears into the 'they must have missed something' scenario. And yes this wart appeared fairly quickly, over a couple of months. Plus I'm white, middle aged, have spent much of my life outdoors, a bricklayer and keen angler for many years, now gardening. My hands and forearms are sun damaged, face too no doubt. So when a lesion appears on the back of my hand, logic suggests at least the possibility of a carcinoma. Thankfully (an understatement) the good doctor says no. However those factors I just listed can be applied to my Dad but adding 36 years of extra sun exposure, yet he's never been diagnosed with skin cancer.

Pulisa you're right. The primary factor in all of this is Google. Since this health scare I've been thinking of seeking help from a mental health professional, but while the temptation of Googling remains, could they really help me if I get home from an appt only to jump straight on to the internet? Anyway anxiety has currently turned its attention to more mundane matters, like dealing with the social anxiety potential for scaffolders and roofers working on the house while the neighbours are having another petty reaction regarding said scaffold obstructing our shared drive.

[pulisa]

You have to have the resolve not to google. I'm having biopsies on Wednesday-I could google and self-diagnose or not google, have the biopsies and get an accurate assessment of my lesions based on fact not internet speculation.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thank you for that analysis Terry, very thorough and accurate it is too. I must admit that once I've had a professional opinion from a doctor, that is it and I don't tend to escalate my fears into the 'they must have missed something' scenario. And yes this wart appeared fairly quickly, over a couple of months. Plus I'm white, middle aged, have spent much of my life outdoors, a bricklayer and keen angler for many years, now gardening. My hands and forearms are sun damaged, face too no doubt. So when a lesion appears on the back of my hand, logic suggests at least the possibility of a carcinoma. Thankfully (an understatement) the good doctor says no. However those factors I just listed can be applied to my Dad but adding 36 years of extra sun exposure, yet he's never been diagnosed with skin cancer.

Well you can add my dad to this as an example against such fears. He worked most of his life outdoors as a landscape gardener and in his mid sixties he ended up with something on his nose like an ulcer that wouldn't heal. He had it ages and kept picking at it. In the end he was badgered enough by my mum to get it looked at. The GP referred him off to a specialist who did the usual biopsy and removed it at a later appointment. It was a form of slow growing skin cancer, a very low grade type, and her said this is very common with those who worked in the sun for so many years AND that it was an extremely treatable type with very high success rates.

Yes, it was that dreaded word so many on here fear BUT he had it for over a year. It was easily removed and that was the end of it. No other treatments, no check ups other than to make sure it had healed over like any standard procedure. So it's not always the nastier forms of cancer even if something is found on the skin. The specialist was very clear about all this and had no concerns.

My dad had quite brown skin on his face and arms. He must have done over 40 years in the sun by then so much like your dad. The specialist said it was common in people who worked outdoors like my dad and like the guys who work on the roads in the sun for many years. Bare in mind these guys don't slap on half a bottle of sun block a day, my dad certainly never bothered with it and yet this common low grade skin condition is easily treatable. Doesn't that say that isn't just not in the same league as the cancers people on here often fear?

I hope that isn't triggering for you but I wanted to get across that it's not all about carcinoma. Obviously we had some worrying moments in this, and especially my dad who had a couple of these things (had a cyst in the neck too) checked out up the hospital and it stopped him smoking for the 2nd time in his life (and permanently this time) just being on that ward, but some level of worry is always natural in such times. We have no medical books, I think mum would have hit him over the head with it anyway if he tried that route , and he's not a tech savvy guy so no access to Google. It really wouldn't have helped him.

I've had a few warts. They can take time to treat if not being done by a GP. Some of mine took a few attempts with one of those freeze methods and a good old pumice stone. Took months to get them off. They can get red and sore. Location can mean they are getting rubbed more than normal. And a GP will have seen many thousands of such things and many of the opposite, the things that do need onward referrals, so they won't be mistaken.

[Carnation]

My other half also had two low grade skin cancers removed with no follow ups. Removed more as a precaution. Very common these days, but media brings these to our attention more so.
My dad was also a builder and as a result had permanently tanned arms, neck and face. He never encountered any skin cancers but was covered in freckled skin.
I had a wart on my hand a while back and after treatment disappeared and hasn't returned. It took a while to go, but it did eventually.
I suppose it is natural to think the worst when something foreign appears, especially as we seem to be reminded of the big 'C' via radio and tv every hour of the day.
All you can do is get something checked out if you are concerned and deal with it, which is what you did fishman.
That in itself is the hardest hurdle.

[fishman65]

Pulisa, I sincerely hope your tests come back ok and it's when I see people such as yourself going through genuine scares, that's when I feel a total fraud. That said it's what anxiety does, we lose a true perspective and everything is viewed through an anxiety 'filter'.

Terry and Carnation, thanks guys. I've become quite an expert on skin cancer after all the googling but for all the wrong reasons. Both myself and Dad have freckled arms/legs so 'should' be high risk. I've very rarely used sun block and I'm pretty sure Dad never has, he grew up in an age where a tan was seen as healthy rather than it being your skin's attempt to limit damage by producing more melanin.

[pulisa]

You are not a fraud though. Your fear is very real and debilitating..and also enhanced by Dr G!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Fishman, you are someone who comes across apologetic because you care about other people. Even though you feel this way you still have empathy for others and worry about upsetting them. That just tells me that you would be straight there supporting someone else when the crunch came. We know this anyway as you put it aside to care for your dad and your wife. This matters more than falling off the wagon with your anxiety, it's deeper, it's about your personality and beliefs.

Cut yourself some slack, you've had a really tough time this year. Don't let it drag you into depression. It's a wobble, we all have them and under lesser stressors than you've had recently too!

The consultant told my dad he just needs to stick to regular advice about sun protection. He only stipulated he should use a high factor sunblock on the area treated as an extra precaution. So, he's back to the same level of risk as before with everybody else who worked so many years out in the sun they look like David Dickinson

[fishman65]

Terry, that's very kind of you to say and I'm very touched. I do try to be there for the people in my life and sometimes wish I was a selfish git because life would be a lot easier. But then we have to go with what we are born with otherwise we're just living a lie.

I will indeed cut myself some slack. I'm really pleased your Dad is doing well, it sounds like you and he have a really good father/son relationship. David Dickinson is a walking satsuma btw and I sincerely hope I don't end up like him. Oh and sorry for apologising so much