Too many directions

[pulisa]

Sorry to hear about Mrs F and her Bell's Palsy-I hope this won't mean more work for you. Try not to focus on those who don't make a full recovery though because there's no reason to suggest that this will be the case with Mrs F.

Very good news about your Dad-the poor man has had so much testing recently but is obviously in good health for his age and this is something to hang on to. Has he got any holidays coming up? I think you said he enjoyed hotel holidays by the sea?

[fishman65]

Thank you pulisa. Hopefully she will regain all sensation or at least some of it. She has a mammogram this Wednesday so more nail biting. Why does life seem to revolve around hospitals and illness? Getting older I suppose.

My Dad will no doubt be off somewhere this year. They usually go on organised coach holidays, last year it was Bournemouth. Yes I told him he's got more lives than a cat

[fishman65]

Awful news today, my brother's eldest son was killed in a road accident while driving his lorry. He was 47. Utterly shocking.

[pulisa]

I'm so sorry, fishman. What shocking news for you and your family. Your poor brother must be devastated. I know that you and he weren't particularly close but something like this brings the family together in terrible circumstances. 47 is no age and a real tragedy. My thoughts are with you.

[Darksky]

Oh no that's utterly awful news. My thoughts are with you and your family at this dreadful time.

[fishman65]

Thank you both. The police are going out to see him tomorrow. Myself, Mrs F and my Dad went round this afternoon. It's just so senseless, his lorry was in collision with another one. The other driver was ok, at least physically. I really don't know how to deal with this, it's uncharted territory.

[fishman65]

Life is an ordeal right now. My brother still doesn't have a date for the funeral but he expects as many as 100 people attending, my nephew was very popular. I'm trying to be there for my brother but struggling with the usual anxiety hijacking any ideas of grieving. I've also decided to drink for the funeral, I can't not go as I did three years ago for Mrs F's Mum's funeral. I felt ashamed afterwards so at least this time I'll be there physically. Though I don't drink at all these days, the last time was New Year 2016/17 I think?

[Carnation]

Fishman, are you absolutely sure you want to drink for this funeral? Are you not using it as a coping tool? But will it be? The fact you haven't drunk for a couple of years, well, it may have the opposite effect that you need.
As you know I had to attend my Partner's mum's funeral and at that time could barely walk from room to room without feeling lightheaded and anxious.
I had to go as I had no choice. But believe me it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.
For a start, the funeral will not last any longer than 20 minutes. You also have an excuse to breakdown or act weird. I also had in my mind if I could not handle it, I could sit in the car.
By all means drink if you think it is the right thing to do, but don't bet on it being your crutch.
Just my opinion on my experience.

[Buster70]

Fish , sorry to hear about your nephew, Ive missed a couple of funerals through anxiety ( I go to too bloody many ) the anticipation is always the worst part and I know the actual funeral will be hard but it's one day and as know not going will play on your mind for years so you are doing the right thing for your bro .
I still drink but haven't got drunk for years , it has the opposite effect as it used to , it just magnifies your anxieties, I stick to a couple and if you are the driver just one , it's surprising how many people you talk to at our ages that don't drink any more , we're from that get hammered generation, it's not always expected to drink too much anymore .
It's just one day and you will get through it and do the right thing , take care matey.

[fishman65]

Thanks Carnation and Buster, thank you for your kind words. Carnation I completely understand where you're coming from, I'm not happy feeling I have to get tanked up. However, having once been a heavy borderline problem drinker, I know the quantity plus strength of booze I would need to see me through the ceremony. There will be a lot of people there whom I will know and drinking is the only way to guarantee I'll be present/able to engage socially. Three years ago I backed out of my MIL's funeral, apparently one or two people there said they thought I could have turned up, even though I had done more than my share for her while she was alive, while many that attended were conspicuously absent when she still walked upon this mortal coil.

Alcohol and anxiety don't sit well together for many and that includes me too. I haven't been drunk for years either Buster, I think 2005 for my 40th? That said and all things considered, it is one day and I'll return to teetotal once it's all over. Talking to my brother today, there will be an inquest and the family liaison officer said it may be sorted quickly but he's seen one case where the funeral was six months after the person died!! That's not easy to deal with as it drags things out but then the law dictates an investigation is necessary.