Too many directions

[MyNameIsTerry]

You've had mortality thrust in your face with such a traumatic way to lose someone. That type of event is bound to raise a whole load of questions about how fragile it all is and how one thing can change it all. Would anyone just think "hey ho, back on with my day"? If they did they would be pretty abnormal. Taking stock due to such things is natural.

The more I see my parents, especially my mum, seem older due to frailty with approaching 80 it is on my mind more.

Don't be so hard on yourself but do try to head off catastrophizing thoughts so you don't spiral into unnecessary worry over something a doctor might not be concerned about. Try to remain objective about it. But I think you are only human to have some wobbles due to what you've been through recently.

[fishman65]

Many thanks Buster, Darksky and Terry. You all speak very wisely as ever. Anxiety loves to look into the distant future doesn't it. And to forecast the very worst outcomes. Having to try and be there for my Dad only adds further anxiety. I know my brother has suffered a terrible life event, the worst a parent can endure and one that puts my own problems into perspective. That said my daughter needs a nasal polyp removing surgically I've learned today. She had the procedure done in 2014 and was in hospital overnight but polyps often come back, her taking up smoking since 5 years ago hasn't helped I should imagine. I have nasal polyps myself but my antihistamines seem to keep them in check.

[Carnation]

Mortality does slap you in the face when you have others around you ill or passed. Even more so when you don't feel so great yourself and fighting your own demons.. And as we grow older, we find ourselves being in charge of other people's lives and the days of freedom seem far in the distance. And if we live with our parents, even more so. We see every tiny detail of what seems like the dying process that we then take on board thinking, "oh my, is that what is going to happen to me?".
Not necessarily so. We are all individual and no one has a crystal ball and more importantly, we are not there yet!
As for people that we lose too young, well they seem to be mainly freak circumstances or they underlying issues to begin with.
Although it is only natural to think about mortality, it's also natural to live and while in the present, that's what you have to do.
In this generation we are living to be very old, unlike a century ago where life expectancy was very short.
Fishman, you can be there for your dad, your wife and your daughter, but you have your own life too. Start doing things for yourself. Take up some interests, hobbies, associate with people that make you feel good. It makes the rough easier to deal with.

[fishman65]

Thank you Carnation for such a lovely post. You know, you have a way with words that makes everything seem ok, a reassurance I did get out today as my sister came up with her hubby. We took my Dad out for a pub lunch, and while it was tough I did manage just about. Though some notable DP did its best, along with an obsession with my hands. Oh and I had an after dinner coffee which was served in one of those wide, shallow cups a bit like a bowl. Which made me obsess about my hands even more.

I like gardening, in fact I grow a lot of plants from seed, especially wildflowers but also have some tomato plants coming along nicely. I find it relaxing and rewarding, unless of course slugs/snails do their worst in which case I'm hopping mad. About 5 years ago I dug out a wildlife pond and we've now had frogs breeding in there for the past 3 years, lots of tadpoles right now.

[fishman65]

OK so here I am again and have just diagnosed myself with skin cancer via google. Anxiety has gone through the roof when it was already halfway up the walls. I have this small red spot on the back of my hand that's been there for maybe 5 or 6 weeks now, it's maybe 3 or 4mm in diameter. I wasn't remotely concerned until I consulted google. Why oh why do I do this??

[pulisa]

Because Dr Google is always readily available and the temptation to have a quick look for "research" purposes is too great to resist? Despite knowing that a "consultation" will leave you panic stricken.

You weren't concerned before so trust your judgement BG (Before Google)?

[Pkstracy]

http://www.google.com/search?q=cherr...ih=800&dpr=1.5 does it look like this? If so they are harmless and I have them on my arms , chest and neck.

[fishman65]

Thanks pulisa, you are the voice of reason Mrs F has looked at my hand and asked if I was serious. I think she suffers these episodes of mine because she really does have health issues but I wonder how long her patience will last. I mean its not as though I don't have enough to worry about without adding more.

[fishman65]

Thanks for that link Pkstracey. Mine is not raised like most of those examples and probably not so obviously red. Like pulisa says, I wasn't concerned until I googled. I mean I have hard lumps in my legs that have been there for donkey's years but I don't bat an eyelid.

[Pkstracy]

Most of the time they aren't raised