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Thread: Too many directions

  1. #311
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    Re: Too many directions

    You don't have to get into details, Fishman. All marriages/relationships have components in both categories. It's just when you're more in the unhealthy category than the good category, AND it bothers you, that you have a problem. PM me if you need to talk more.
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  2. #312
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    Mar 2014
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    Re: Too many directions

    Fishman, firstly I hope both you and your wife are doing better now.

    I think what is meant by what Vee posted is to highlight positive and negatives but not necessarily to assign blame. There are examples of unhealthy where both parties are positive e.g. a disabled or ill partner who needs physical support and the other partner becomes a carer. The impact on the carer is negative, and the disabled or I'll partner may feel a burden unable to share the pressure of duties, but that's just life. That brings pressure but the physically dependant partner may bring other supports that redress some of the balance.

    It serves as a way to mitigate against too much unhealthy. To have strategies to prevent that person being overwhelmed.

    This is different to some as mentioned e.g. an alcoholic partner or a taker.

    So perhaps we all have some of the unhealthy?

    I'm sure Vee will be glad to explain this more accurately.

    I think it's a matter of the old wolf that feeds. Whilst other loved ones evoke anxiety it's not as big because a) you've not built them up as much in your mind and b) Mrs F is central to your current identity (two halves of one partnership). I also think this is less so with your dad because logically that time will always come much as we all dread it. Your daughter though is also a very big part of your life but I wonder whether it felt low key? Mrs F has had her share of ill health and each kick in the gut adds to all the rest.
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  3. #313
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    Re: Too many directions

    We talked about it on PM, Terry.
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  4. #314
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    Re: Too many directions

    Some distressing news today that a lady who has been very much a mother figure to Mrs F has suffered either a stroke or heart attack. She had a breast removed earlier this year due to cancer so we thought she was on the mend. She was given CPR but the family obviously couldn't go to the hospital with her. Mrs F is really quite upset naturally.

    Some beef earlier than that because I suggested to Mrs F that she has the option to shield. My step-son was none too pleased and mentioned Christmas so when the Mafia Boss is not happy I'd best try to avoid sleeping with the fishes. I only said she has the 'option', I'm not Mr Rochester locking his wife in the attic.

    Add to this my Dad being out at a country park with his lady friend and the resultant picture being cooed over on Whatsapp by my family. These are the same family that never bother to visit him or in the case of two, even phone him. I'm there doing the drudge 3 to 4 times a week, fetching prescriptions etc. My brother cooing away lives 4 miles closer to my Dad than I do, he hasn't seen my Dad since July I think? Nephew cooing lives literally a 10 minute walk away but hasn't set eyes or even phoned since August. But as long as you post on Whatsapp, you're doing enough. You might notice I'm annoyed. OK rant over.
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  5. #315
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    Re: Too many directions

    It's good to have a rant fishman.
    As they say, "better out than keeping it in".
    Oh, the joys of family. More like the grief.
    It's a very common story fishman. I'd take a guess at 9 out of ten families have the same scenario.
    You've got to let it go over your head, it's really not worth the thinking space. x

  6. #316
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    Re: Too many directions

    Thanks Carnation, I think it was the Whatsapp messages that got to me. I think we could attach the fashionable 'virtue signalling' to this kind of behaviour. But time spent posting heart emojis is not the same as popping in to actually see my Dad once in a while.
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  7. #317
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    Re: Too many directions

    Well the worse news today is that Mrs F's 'mother figure' friend has a tumour on the brain and it has also spread to her bones. My daughter is upset too having known her since a toddler. So the breast surgery came too late. More Covid collateral damage.
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  8. #318
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    Re: Too many directions

    That's horrible news..I hope the poor lady can get some pain relief in hospital at least..I presume the prognosis is pretty dismal? Let's hope she is treated with respect and not shunted out of hospital to make way for covid patients.

  9. #319
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    Re: Too many directions

    Quote Originally Posted by pulisa View Post
    That's horrible news..I hope the poor lady can get some pain relief in hospital at least..I presume the prognosis is pretty dismal? Let's hope she is treated with respect and not shunted out of hospital to make way for covid patients.
    She's 79 Pulisa so the prognosis is bleak. Her GP diagnosed the lump on her head as a cyst via a photograph. Mrs F is taking it very badly.
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  10. #320
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    Re: Too many directions

    I'm sure she is..It must be a terrible shock for her.

    GPs have certainly "excelled" themselves during this pandemic..NOT.

    I doubt whether Mrs F would be able to visit her in hospital either but if she wanted to go I presume you would be a bit torn about this, Fishman?

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