Hyperawareness OCD

[Rusty2324]

Hey guys having a hard time. Had a panic attack last week over accumulated stress and a new girl in my life. Have had DP/anxiety but mainly been free or atleast not aware of it the past few years and it’s been amazing. Been knocking life down and I am about to graduate with my bachelors degree... but after the panic attack I’ve been fallling apart... my OCD kicked in and I got stuck back in the realm of exitnesial and hyperawarneass body thoughts. Lately I have been FIXATED on thinking/speaking. I am aware of every thought and word that comes to my head and every movement my body makes it’s insane. I feel crazy and out of control. Like a program robot. Like, I’ll be talking to someone and then get super stressed out and be like I don’t even know where these thoughts and words are coming from and I don’t know how I am talking I feel so disconnected it’s nuts!!! Anytime I do something and I feel like I wasn’t aware of it and become aware I wasn’t aware I’ll freak out. Like if I pick something up and didn’t think about it or was aware of it it’s like I’ll go into panic. But honestly, the thinking ocd and speaking ocd is the worst. I’m a rather intelligent young man but I can’t even think anymore fluently because I question and get scared by every thought. I can’t go on auto pilot or relax and have a fluid moment/conversation. Can anyone relate to this?! I’m 24

[Rusty2324]

Can you relate to the idea of my obsession with my mind and body movements? Honestly a lot of the thoughts about the universe and stuff bothered me when I was younger but not anymore. I know I’m real and the world is real. I just have a terrible obsession with control and how the mind and body basically work automatically and I’m analyzing every single thing my body/mind does?

[Rusty2324]

I do the same thing. Will move my hand in front of me, or be in the middle of doing something and just stop moving to show control. It’s very annoying. Any recommendations on how to cope?

[MyNameIsTerry]

At the height of my relapse I started experiencing OCD. It very quickly became about monitoring so many automated bodily functions. Whether it was trying to understand how to generate a thought to create the movement in my arm or how to go to the toilet, eat, etc it was non stop. Get up off settee, move around, all elements of that involved trying to "think" how to create those movements. Even thinking about how to create a thought.

It really is too much stimulation. Constant overthinking.

Bringing down overall anxiety levels helps greatly with things like this.

[Rusty2324]

It feels good that there are people who can relate thanks guys. My biggest issues right now is I have become scared of thinking in general because I feel it it out of my control so there is no free will and I am a programmed robot. It’s so tiring and saddening honestly. Feeling like I have no control and everything is just figuring itself out and now I’m scared or even thinking or using my brain because it’s like I’ve convinced myself it’s ronltoc and automatic.

[LiveAboveIt]

I relate to a lot of what you guys are speaking about. I've been struggling with a lot of sensorimotor OCD stuff after a benzo cold turkey about 8 months ago. I have the thought issue here and there, as well.

I think the hardest part is worrying that you will be stuck this way forever. I'm having a difficult time with accepting and understanding why my brain works like this now, after 20 years of normal thinking and with everyone else around me leading seemingly normal lives.

We aren't stuck this way, right? There is a life beyond this?

[Rusty2324]

Yup. The thought issue you mean how do thoughts just work or how do they come into your head? Yeah it sucks. I think the same way I feel a times in a a hyper awakened mindset. Seeing things that people don’t, but the FEAR is the issue. It’s okay to have these thoughts but the fact there is FEAR connected to them is what makes it an issue. Like my problem is thinking and free will. If thoughts just pop into our head good or bad, how much control do we have? Even if we make a good decision from a thought, it still spawned randomly I feel like. Idk it’s a mess.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yup. The thought issue you mean how do thoughts just work or how do they come into your head? Yeah it sucks. I think the same way I feel a times in a a hyper awakened mindset. Seeing things that people don’t, but the FEAR is the issue. It’s okay to have these thoughts but the fact there is FEAR connected to them is what makes it an issue. Like my problem is thinking and free will. If thoughts just pop into our head good or bad, how much control do we have? Even if we make a good decision from a thought, it still spawned randomly I feel like. Idk it’s a mess.

But imagine if thoughts didn't spring randomly, how much of a problem would that be for those struggling with intrusive thoughts?

Conscious thought is up to you, subconscious thought is influenced by less direct things and there are core beliefs, schemas and many autonomous systems in play. You can't control it otherwise how would you manage to control how your organs work?

[stonewash]

Hi Rusty2324,

I can really relate as I have hyperawareness OCD too, and I feel totally trapped inside this awareness. Traditionally I have been obsessed with an awareness of my own mind and the fact that I am thinking, but weirdly over the past few days it has shifted to being obsessively focused on every single movement my body is making and it is scaring the living daylights out of me.

How are you getting on?

[OCDme]

Can you relate to the idea of my obsession with my mind and body movements? Honestly a lot of the thoughts about the universe and stuff bothered me when I was younger but not anymore. I know I’m real and the world is real. I just have a terrible obsession with control and how the mind and body basically work automatically and I’m analyzing every single thing my body/mind does?

I have the exact same thing. I had it when I was young and I got over it for years and then after abusing Advil for recreational use, I had a panic attack which triggered the exact same OCD that you have. One way to see how it's irrational fear is that right at this moment, none of us, even the scientists don't know why gravity exists or 'what is' causing gravity but we just move on and live our life assuming that gravity will be there because 'it's always been there so far'(even though, gravity CAN disappear out of nowhere and it that happens, the Earth will bounce off away from the Sun and we all freeze to death). Think of your thought process as gravity. it always worked, so you have no reason to fear that it won't work. it's like gravity.