I've been on sertealine for close to 14 years now. Psychiatrist recently upped my dose to 150 mg because of panic attacks and anxiety returning. Frankly I am quite surprised that I was able to stay on 100mg for so long without it pooping out or needing an increase. Anyways, I wanted to share this to anyone out there who has a pill phobia or who is scared to take anything new due to fears of dying or how it will make them feel.

I'm closing in on week 9 or 10 on the increased dosage of sertraline and while the panic attacks have decreased in intensity and in the number I have, I still have them. When I do have a panic attack they are fierce and sometimes i find that i can't calm myself down, even on the increased dose.

My psychiatrist gave me xanax to try, but only for the panic attacks that keep escalating. These pills have literally been sitting in my purse for 2 months. I've had a few panic attacks where I was literally shaking and crying and really could have benefitted from taking the xanax but I just kept that fear going of what if it has some weird adverse reaction, what if I'm that 1 percent where it makes my heart stop, what if it makes the panic attack worse.

Today at work, I had a very bad panic attack. It kept escalating and my pulse got to 111, which I know isn't bad but I knew it would keep getting worse. I grabbed the xanax out of my purse and broke it in half and put it under my tongue as directed by my psychiatrist. I began having doubts as soon as I did it and even tried to take it out of my mouth but by then most of it had dissolved under my tongue.

I told my supervisor that I needed to go walk outside for a bit and I called my fiance. We talked and he tried calming me down. Within 5 minutes I felt this very strange warm sensation flow through my body. Kind of like that dye you take when you're getting a CT scan. It got worse in my belly, the warm feeling. Within 10 minutes and with my fiance on the phone I started to forget my physical symptoms and just kept crying and carrying on about how scared I was. Within 15 minutes I had to pee and well, have a bowel movement. After this, I felt well enough to get off of the phone with my fiance. I sat at my cubicle and just talked for a little with one of my coworkers about how this was the first time I had taken xanax. She reassured me and told me that next time I should probably just take it with water like most people.

Within 30 minutes I felt normal with no anxiety. It was sort of like being drunk but with no physical symptoms? I found myself laughing and acting like my old self throughout the day and even into the evening.

Of course, it wears off after 2 hours, but it was nice having it there when I needed it even though I was scared.

I just want to reassure anyone who is afraid that they dont need to be. Yes you can feel it kick in, but it isn't terrible and it's nothing that will cause panic. It's more of a okay.. I am feeling, a little relaxed but I'm still me. I didn't feel drugged or anything like that. Dont be afraid to take it. The xanax probably saved me a 2,000 hospital bill.