Contamination Fears / OCD

[Lanarose]

Ok I dont know where to post this and Im feeling ashamed for even thinking this but as per usual OCD has won and is making me worry.

I was out jogging last night and bumped into a friend who I know is struggling with drug addiction. He told me he no longer injects and is smoking it instead. I gave him a hug before I continued with my run (he was wearing a thick coat) and afterwards I felt a scratchy feeling on my hip.

Now mostly likely, in fact very likely it was my waistband on my leggings / pants rubbing but my OCD mind has now convinced me that maybe my friend had a syringe in his pocket that was somehow sticking through his coat and that accidentally pricked me and now I have HIV.

It didnt help when I got home and checked that I had a little mark on my hip too. I googled needle puncture marks but it doesnt look like the mark on my hip.

Basically I need some reassurance because I know how unlikely this is, I also feel really ashamed of myself for judging my friend (Im a recovering addict myself but my issue was booze so I should know better than to judge). I just feel frustrated that Im worrying about this and cross with myself too.

[MyNameIsTerry]

You aren't judging, it's just OCD bringing intrusive thoughts that you are reacting to.

What you felt could have been anything e.g. a zip, a button, something else in a pocket like a phone or wallet, etc. And like you say, the mark isn't a puncture mark from a needle either. Is it even a puncture mark of any kind or just a mark on the skin? If the latter that could easily have been done by the things I mentioned.

Reacting with shame at these intrusive thoughts will reinforce them so be careful with that. You didn't decide this was a worry, it was triggered to you and consciously you reacted with negative thinking. Try to accept that subconscious thoughts are beyond our control and don't have to mean anything. They don't have to say anything about us and a healthy way to react to it would have to dismiss it as a daft thought that just doesn't reflect who you are. Remember, you chose to speak to this person and to have a hug with them. Would someone who distrusts addicts act as you did? Of course not, therefore the real you is the kind person who stopped to show interest in someone's life and to wish them well in their struggles to get clean.