I have been on ESA for the past 2 and a half years for various MH problems, mainly CPTSD, OCD, panic attacks and anxiety. I have been in the support group since my assessment two years ago. During the last assessment, I wasn't in therapy as I was still on the waiting list and in some ways I was better then than I am now and some ways I was worse.


Nowadays I am in intensive therapy - Compassion Focused Therapy and more ERP after that and I also attend a MH cooking group to try and build up my confidence being around people.


I haven't been doing good lately both in my personal life and MH. A lot of bad traits such as self harming have came back, dark thoughts etc. I have been feeling like this for a few months and then I got the dreaded ESA50 form and my psychologist wrote to DWP to try and get me out of a medical or at least a home visit but both have been refused and they wanted me to go for a medical this week after only giving 7 days notice but my therapist told me to reschedule it and I have one for 23rd June now and she is writing more letters for me and has urged me to go to my GP to get a letter from them. Trouble is, I switched GP last year and havent been to the new one for MH problems, just little health things like sore throat, psoriasis etc so I don't know if that will be worthwhile plus I feel cheeky asking them for help which leads to an increase in my negative thoughts which lead onto SH. Psychiatrist (who I am no longer seeing) recommended a year or so ago that I start Clomipramine but I decided to go down just the therapy road but now I am considering both roads but my psychologist wants to wait until I am at a more stable place to start them.



I am barely eating, multiple panic attacks a day, hardly sleeping because my checking is worse at night, I am moody and distant, not going to my cooking group or going out in general etc. I don't know how the hell to cope until 23rd but then even after that, I will have weeks of worry left for the decision. I just feel very, very overwhelmed


Sorry for this, it sounds very melodramatic and ranty, I just don't know what to do any more. ESA is the most important thing atm given that it is my only source of income but then there is just everything else on top of it too let alone my conditions.


How did you guys stay calm during upcoming medicals or re-assessments?


Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read