Hi,
As these sort of things help me, I thought I would do one. Any comments, support, advice etc gratefully received.
Brief background: 38 year old male - struggled with GAD/Social anxiety and depression all my life. Never as extreme as some of you on here, and I have never been hospitalised or anything for it, but it has been very tough at times. I was on Prozac twice - once for 5 years and once, after a couple of year's break, for 6 years. Never had much in the way of issues coming off and on - some mild side effects, but nothing unbearable. Came off Prozac in August 2016 as felt I was doing ok (classic mistake). In Feb 2017 I accepted the fact that I was not coping well (particularly with anxiety) and decided to go back on Prozac. Unfortunately my body decided not to allow that and went nuts - massively increased anxiety, uncontrollable shaking, insomnia etc etc. So got switched to Citalopram, and that was just as horrible. After about 6 months of all this, I decided to come off everything as the side effects were just getting worse. Used exercise and meditation etc and managed eventually to get myself to the point where I was operating at about 6 out of 10 on a daily basis.
But I also found that this daily struggle to maintain that not-that-great state was starting to increase the depression...And I started to get increased insomnia etc - probably slept an average of 4-5 hours for the past year, and in April and May this year it was probably about 2-3.
So in the end I decided to try something else. My mum is on Mirtazapine and it seems to work ok for her, so I thought I would give it a try. If it works for me, I plan on staying on it long term at as low a dose as possible. I am aware of the weight gain potential, but I am in decent shape and am hopeful that regular exercise and keeping an eye on my intake will help keep it down.
Day 1
15mg taken at 9.30pm. It did not seem to knock me out like it did for some. I was still awake at 11am and, when I finally slept my sleep was very broken (thought I partly blame my 6 year old son who came in because he had a bad dream!).
Day 2
Woke at about 8-9am and dozed a bit. Felt very groggy and fuzzy - very sleepy and out of it/detached. No real anxiety or anything though. Feels like I have taken a Nytol or Night Nurse during the day and am trying to stay awake. Almost like being a little stoned too. Strange sensation when I had to run at one point like little rushes of electricity up from my feet through my legs from the impact when they hit the ground. Very odd. Not particularly unpleasant, just odd.
I went for a decent walk to get out of the house. A bit low in the evening, but not too bad.
15mg taken at 9.15pm.
A bit of restless legs when trying to get to sleep (which was something I also had on the prozac) - again did not pass out or anything, but probably fell asleep around 11pm and seemed to sleep through with only some minor wake-ups. Seem to remember by dreams more than usual (I rarely remember them at all usually).
Day 3
Woke around 8-9 again - felt ok. Still a bit groggy/fuzzy, but less than yesterday. Very mild headache and slight ringing in ears, but otherwise fine. No real anxiety or depression. I tried thinking about things that normally make me anxious, and it was almost as though they were further away somehow - somewhere lower down - and could not get the traction they needed to ramp up and get going.
I was almost a little hyper at certain points - though that may be more to do with having had some sleep at last and being cautiously optimistic about these meds.
I had a party in the evening for my mother-in-law's birthday - though I did not drink - I was able to engage and talk to people etc
Pill taken at 9.45 while still at the party - I started to feel a little odd by around 10.30 so went home (felt like I was slightly slurring my words etc).
Some mild restless legs in bed, but seemed to fall asleep relatively quickly.
Day 4
Bad nights sleep due to son waking up multiple times, but I managed to fall back asleep each time (which I would not have been able to do previously). Felt quite low and depressed - negative thoughts (but not as bad as many times in the past) - sluggish and foggy and groggy. However, again, the fog was not quite as bad as the day before.
Pill taken at 9pm.
Restless legs from around 10-11pm when trying to sleep, but eventually I fell asleep and slept through. Again, I could remember my dreams and they seemed more vivid.
Day 5
Woke around 7am by my alarm as I am back at work today and had to take my son to school. Felt ok - no anxiety and no real depression - still a bit groggy and still have that strange feeling in my head - almost like my centre of balance is slightly off. If I move my head quickly from side to side it makes me dizzy and it almost feels like I can actually feel my brain sliding around in my skull.
However - while this is all weird, it is not that unpleasant. And compared to anxiety it is a walk in the park.
I know that it is very early days and things could go rapidly downhill, but I am hopefully that if the grogginess etc keeps fading, this could work.
I am at work right now so keeping my finger's crossed all goes fine. I am a lawyer so attention to detail is important, which means I will just have to triple check everything today as I am sure I am not totally with it!
Slightly upset stomach.
Also some slight anxiety/fear rising a little this morning. Almost like I felt it, and then got frightened that I was feeling it which meant these drugs were not going to work and I would be back to square 1 etc...silly I know, particularly as it is early days. But certainly feeling a little fearful.
Anxiety increased by mid-morning - not feeling good at all - it may be in part because I am at work, and things are a little slow today so I don't have much to do but sit at my desk and fester. But I am feeling pretty anxious and the addition of the dizzy/grogginess and strange head sensations from the Mirt is making it worse as I am anxious about those too.
Felt a bit better as day went on - less groggy and less anxious
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